We Have Reached The Point Where We Need Put Your Damn Phone Down Coaches. I Am So Sad

I was fixin’ to get really mad about this when I saw the headline, but I just can’t get there. Believe me I wanted to, but then I did a little math. Kids born in the late 90s or at the turn of the century are old enough to have kids of their own now, and they don’t remember a time before everything had a screen built into it and was connected to all the world’s information and entertainment plus every person they know 24/7. Perhaps there’s some blame to be dished out to the parents of my generation for not seeing the signs of trouble and putting the hammer down on it before we got to this point, but it’s too late for that now. So as much as it pains me to say this, maybe spending hundreds of dollars to hire a coach to teach you and your children how to function with less screens in your lives is just something we need to do now.

According to a recent article in the New York Times, some parents in the U.S. are hiring screen-free parenting coaches to help them raise phone-free children.
The trend, which is picking up in several U.S. states, allows these screen-free coaches to go into homes, schools and religious institutions to lecture parents on how parenting worked before screens.
“I try to really meet the parents where they are, and now often it is very simple: ‘Do you have a plain old piece of material that can be used as a cape?’” one coach told the site. “‘Is there a ball somewhere? Throw the ball… kick the ball.’”

Another parenting coach, Gloria DeGaetano, based in Seattle, told the site coaches in small cities can make up to US$80 an hour in small cities or rural areas and up to $250 in larger cities.
For the most part, coaches added, parents had forgotten what life was like before screens because they’re glued to their own devices.

I Wish I Was This Kid

I’m always a little jealous when sports teams have kids up to the booth to do public address announcing. I never got to do that when I was young, and I always thought that if I had the chance I would have crushed it. But crush it though I may have, I would almost certainly not have absolutely steamrolled it the way this kid at a Calgary Hitmen game did.

Dude. Can we just have him announce everything?

To Be Fair, What Else Would You Expect Someone With A Name Like That To Do

Guilty of ten charges of dishonestly obtaining financial advantage by deception after ripping off various farmers to the tune of around $86,000 worth of undelivered hay and grain is Stephen John Swindle.

The 31-year-old operated a scheme in which he offered to sell hay and grain to farmers to feed their stock but would only deliver part of the load.
More often, he would fail to deliver any produce as guaranteed.
His victims were farmers from the Dubbo, Parkes, Yass Valley and Moulamein areas in New South Wales.

Court documents show Swindle spent the money he obtained from farmers on items including trips to theme parks and women’s lingerie.
He also spent it on accommodation on the NSW South Coast, sports betting, groceries and liquor.

In sentencing, Magistrate Philip Stewart said Swindle’s actions were “reprehensible” in light of the serious drought in the state.
He labelled Swindle as “lying, dishonest and violent”.

But not a swindler?

Great. Now We Have To Hire Another Hit Man To Kill The Con Man Who Was Supposed To Kill That Other Con Man…

A strong urge to kill the no good SOB who conned you and your daughter out of €60,000 is certainly understandable. But that said, it’s not generally a good idea to actually go ahead and contract someone to do it so that you can get the money back by harvesting and selling his organs. I’m sure that somewhere there is somebody who may for whatever reason disagree on that last point, but I think we can all agree on this. If the hit man you hire ultimately cons you again, leave well enough alone and don’t go to the police to report the breach of contract.

The fraud victims and the alleged secret service chief signed a contract that set out the terms of the deal. “The search for the [name of alleged swindler] is established as a priority.” The next steps involved the search for the target, the interrogation of family members, friends and acquaintances, and once located, “the extraction of seven organs.” Point six of the contract specified that the woman would be compensated via the sale of those organs.
To be able to start working on the operation and locate the target, the fake spy requested a kind of deposit, of €7,000. This, he claimed, was the money needed to pay his informants and locate hitmen who could carry out the operation. But time passed, and the hit did not take place.

Given the situation, the mother and daughter decided to go to the police and report that they had been conned themselves by the daughter’s boyfriend. What they were seemingly unaware of was that they themselves had allegedly committed another offense: attempting to arrange a contract killing. Both were immediately arrested, and before long the daughter’s boyfriend was located and he was detained too. The police have not ruled out the possibility that the man had conned more victims.

In a case of the apple not falling far from the tree, the original swindler (the one who was supposed to be donating his insides) was in a relationship with the mother when her money was taken.

His insides are still there, according to police, who also say that charges against him haven’t been ruled out.

Semicolons Just Made Sense To Me For Like The First Time Ever

I write a lot, but I virtually never use semicolons. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever used one here (no, I’m not combing through every post to check, although one of you can feel free to do that if you have nothing else going on ever again). We covered them in school, but for some reason, they never stuck. It certainly doesn’t help that almost nobody uses them. Back when I read just about everything in Braille, I would rarely see them outside of the papers that had our how to use a semicolon lessons written on them. And now that the world has changed so much and I read the vast majority of things either through the screen reader or via audiobook, I notice them even less because every pause sounds like a comma. So should the day come that I find myself the one saddled with having to explain them to a nephew or some other little kid in my life, as it stands right now I’m kind of fucked, honestly.

But that may be about to change thanks to this wee little article from Lifehacker entitled How to Use a Semicolon Correctly. I can’t quite tell you for sure what it is about it, but for some reason it made sense out of the damn things for the first time.

In school they always seemed overly complicated and since they weren’t used much, easily avoidable. To a much lesser extent they were like algebra for me, something I did my best to slog through for the sake of marks and then never thought of again. But this makes them feel different, and if I had to guess, I think that’s why it works where all of the schooling failed. When you’re starting from the premise that it’s ok not to use them and you really don’t have to but might want to because they’re kind of neat and might be helpful now and then, all of the pressure is off. It’s nice to know that you’re not an imbecile if you’ve written a blog for 17 years and still don’t get it…not that I know anyone like that or anything.

And it also helps that they came up with a practical example to illustrate where they might fit.

Use it as a ‘super comma’
You can also use a semicolon as a sort of extra-strength comma to separate items in a list that contain other commas. In this case, the semicolons are there to help avoid confusion.

Example 1: On our trip, we’re going to visit Savannah, Georgia; Charleston, South Carolina; and Myrtle Beach.
Example 2: This summer I’m going to eat nothing but corn on the cob, boiled to perfection; mozzarella, tomato and basil sandwiches; and endless bowls of fresh strawberries, blueberries and cantaloupe.

I’m not trying to throw any of my teachers under the bus here because I had a lot of good ones, but I don’t remember any of them ever showing me something like that. Most of the emphasis was on the bit about connecting thoughts that could just as easily be separate sentences, which made it difficult to adopt the new concept because why wouldn’t I just keep making them separate sentences? Had I seen this first and then added on the stuff about thought connecting later, maybe the whole thing wouldn’t have seemed so pointless.

Am I going to start using more semicolons now? Who knows? My guess would be probably not. But at least I’ll have a clue where to start if I want to give them a go, which is more than I had a few minutes ago.

An Almost WWE Free Wrestling Notepad

For the benefit of anyone new since I haven’t posted one of these since October when I had to quit WWE for a while, an explanation of what this is.

Back when I used to use Twitter more than once in a blue moon, one of my favourite things to do there was tweet about wrestling. But since Twitter makes me hate people and I largely avoid it these days, I’m obviously not doing that anymore. So instead, I just open a Notepad file and write thoughts down as they come to me. When I feel like I have enough of them, up they go here. Simple enough, right?

And no, it’s not your imagination. Everything in here is very old. I went back and caught up on a bunch of stuff that I’d been neglecting. I watched a ton of wrestling, but it took a while to feel like there was enough to post. Apparently it’s harder to fill space when you’re not having your intelligence insulted every 10 minutes.

Ok, here we go.

If WWE is making you think you hate wrestling, I suggest going back and watching the New Japan Best of the Super Juniors tournament. I’m in the middle of night 9, and so far the whole thing is reminding me why I don’t. Well put together wrestling tournaments are generally a lot of fun to follow thanks to all of the built-in storylines, and when every show has more than one good to great match on it (several of which could perhaps be in a match of the year conversation) that doesn’t hurt either. And I mean this 100%. I am honest to god more into the story of Ren Narita losing every match than I am what they’re doing with literally anybody in WWE right now. The story of the young lion that isn’t supposed to win but puts in a solid effort every night is so simple and so effective. The crowd loves the kid, and if he actually does win one the place is going to go nuts.

And speaking of going nuts, it’s an absolute goddamn delight to hear announcers that sound like they’re enjoying themselves. When the crowd is excited, so are they. And hell if it doesn’t sound like genuine emotion. If you need an example of this during the BOSJ, watch Rocky Romero vs. El Phantasmo.

Not sure if it’s my favourite match of 2019, but Cody vs. Dustin Rhodes from Double or Nothing is definitely up there. Best brother vs. brother story I’ve seen since Bret and Owen. The kind of emotional roller coaster you rarely get in wrestling anymore.

Two things I wish AEW hadn’t borrowed from WWE for this show: The useless third announcer (Alex Marvez sticks out like a bit of a sore thumb while adding virtually nothing) and the constant talk of trending on Twitter.

I like all of the guys in Lifeblood individually, but as a stable they feel totally thrown together and it makes them hard to get behind. This has never seemed more apparent than it does right now watching Flip Gordon act like he was going to join them but then join Villain Enterprises instead. It should have been a total heel move, but the fans didn’t react that way at all and I don’t blame them. VE comes off as the much cooler group while Lifeblood is just directionless.

Watched the New Japan Southern Showdown from Melbourne. A pretty good show, thanks mostly to the awesome, nearly 35 minute Will Ospreay vs. Robbie Eagles IWGP Junior Heavyweight title match. The whole show is worth a look if you have time, but definitely check that one out.

I still don’t think they need one, but this GoldenBoy fellow that AEW got to be the third announcing wheel for Fyter Fest is so much easier to listen to than Alex Marvez was.

Line of the night goes to MJF for telling the crowd that if he wanted to know what they thought, he’d go home, turn on TLC and watch reruns of My 600 Pound life.

It’s hard to pick a match of the night because it’s like one of those Takeovers where you can make an argument for just about anything, but I’ll give it to the 3-way women’s match between Riho, Yuka Sakazaki and Nyla Rose. There were at least a couple matches that were probably better, but I’m going with this one because of how much I enjoyed it in spite of not being overly familiar with any of these girls.

There is, however, absolutely no contest for stupidest thing of the night.

I’m sure that was an accident, but sweet baby Jesus Shawn Spears about killed Cody with that chair. Good on AEW for at least getting their money’s worth out of it with all the replays, but let’s maybe not make a habit out of that, as much as it probably helped the angle.

I hope the decision was out of their hands, because if not it wasn’t very bright of New Japan not to book John Moxley on the Dallas G1 show. Not saying he’d have sold the place out by himself, but there’s no way that one of his first American post-WWE appearances wouldn’t have been a nice draw on a show that had trouble selling tickets.

Finally watched Slammiversary. If you haven’t given Impact a look in a while or if you’ve given up on it because it’s Impact, this would be a good time to reconsider. The show flew by and was at least twice as good as its name is stupid. NO, it still hasn’t grown on me even after 16 years or whatever it’s been.

The last 3 matches were particularly great. Rich Swann and Johnny Impact had the best X-Division match I’ve seen in a while, Michael Elgin and Brian Cage may have topped it for the world title and even though I’m hardly the biggest fan of the stuff, I have no complaints about Sami Callihan and Tessa Blanchard’s intergender match. It helped that Sami is such a complete dick that playing the why am I the bad guy when you all want equality card didn’t come off forced. It also helped that it was very well worked. It felt competitive enough that there were times that I thought Tessa could win, which wasn’t a feeling Lucha Underground gave me very often. In the end she didn’t, but even that wound up ok because Callihan, who has given no fucks ever, had no choice but to give her some respect instead of ending her with the baseball bat like you would expect him to.

I’ve been watching wrestling for the better part of 35 years and I still don’t exactly understand what a “relaxed rules” match is. It’s not a regular match where you have to follow all the rules to the letter, but it also isn’t a no DQ or no countout match. It’s like the referee can’t decide whether or not he wants to do his job tonight and says “ok guys, go ahead and do all the illegal stuff you want until I decide you can’t.”

I like that most of the matches in AEW have a 20 minute time limit. Makes the ones that don’t seem like a bigger deal.

I don’t think I needed an entire show made up of tag matches where the partners don’t like each other, but at least Impact was up front about what the Mash-Up Tournament was going to be and it was a creative way to name a new number 1 contender for the world title. They could have done it Lethal Lottery style, drawing names and pretending that things just happened to work out that way. As a kid I liked the concept and would use it all the time when I’d put on shows with my figures, but WCW always made too many of the draws so obviously fake. Imagine that, WCW screwing up something good.

He had his moments there, but a few matches into the G1 Kenta has looked better than I think he ever did during his years in WWE.

I’m fine with guys saying that a fight they want to have is personal and not about the titles that the people they want to fight hold, but going on to call those titles “pieces of trash” is usually a bad idea. This is especially true when the ones saying it are supposed to be the good guys, and when the entire premise of your gimmick is that you’re here to bring honour and respect back to the company, it’s even worse. Score another one for Lifeblood. These poor guys need all the help they can get, and that sure wasn’t help.

I don’t have many gripes about New Japan, but I really don’t like the way they treat their referees. Why are guys allowed to constantly attack and manhandle them without repercussions, and why do they hardly ever call even the most blatant interference? It makes it hard to take the rules seriously or to get upset about guys who cheat all the time. If you want me to get upset about heels being heels, start dishing out disqualifications, fines and suspensions left and right and then slip something by them maybe 1% of the time.

Maybe it has something to do with me only being a fairly serious New Japan fan for the last couple years or so, but I don’t really understand the point of all the factions. The members of Chaos, for example, wrestle against each other so often that it’s not clear why they’re a group. For the most part the whole system just seems to be a way to stick random guys somewhere so that maybe they’ll have a little more to do. It comes off as something that used to be important but has lost something and they just can’t decide whether they want to revitalize it or get rid of it.

One thing that always amazes me especially about the New Japan guys is that they can have these long, intense, fast-paced matches and then still have enough wind to celebrate and cut excited promos at the end like it’s no big thing. Maybe it’s my fat guy talking, but that’s impossible cardio.

I don’t like the way they’ve been structuring ROH TV the last few weeks. I want my wrestling TV shows to feel like they’re flowing in a way that I could believe they were live, so this stuff with Quinn McKay and Ian Riccaboni throwing it to random matches and highlights really isn’t working for me. It’s quickly making me much less interested in watching it, honestly.

He’s never been my favourite wrestler or character, but there’s no one else in wrestling right now who is as consistently good as Cody Rhodes at making me want to see his big matches and then delivering on them. The Dustin match is still one of my favourites of 2019, and while not at that level, I quite enjoyed the Shawn Spears match at All Out. The Cody and Dustin tag against the Young Bucks I thought was overly long and had trouble holding my interest, but he still got me excited for a Bucks match, and there’s something to be said for that. I don’t hate those guys by any means, but they’ve always been in the category of good wrestlers that I usually don’t enjoy watching even though I very much respect their abilities and the things they’ve managed to accomplish.

I rarely watch NXT UK, but I made sure to catch Takeover Cardiff because I kept hearing how awesome the WALTER vs. Tyler Bate match was. For the record, everyone who said that is correct. I’d go as far as to say that it’s one of the best little man vs. big man matches I’ve seen in forever. WALTER is such a big, scary bastard that in a couple of spots I was legitimately fearing for Tyler’s life (dear god that post powerbomb), but he was so great at showing fire and heart that I thought maybe WALTER might actually be beatable. When you know the result of a match ahead of time and a couple of the near falls still get you, that’s a high compliment.

The rest of the show was also extremely enjoyable. Not a bad match in the bunch and it never felt like it was going to over stay its welcome. I like the simple, easy to grasp stories that don’t make you feel like you’re totally missing out if you aren’t a regular viewer. The hometown team having to earn their way into the tag title match and then actually winning in the end is something we can all understand and get behind, for instance.

Oh, and any show with Ilja Dragunov’s theme music on it gets an automatic extra star. Don’t argue with me.

If the idea is supposed to be that Tenille Dashwood is coming into Impact as a big star and immediate top contender, why is she making her debut in a nearly 10 minute long, very average back and forth match with Kiera Hogan instead of easily dispatching someone in order to look impressive and establish herself to people who might not know who she is? I get that you don’t want to have her mow through Kiera since she’s in a storyline, but then don’t book the match. If you don’t want Tenille straight up squashing nobodies for some reason that’s also fine, but then you need to put her in with somebody who has a bit of a name but who isn’t so important to the product that you can’t make Tenille’s win look fairly easy.

So is the story supposed to be that Alisha Edwards doesn’t watch Impact and that none of her friends do either? Ace Austin has said right on camera that his goal is to have sex with her because she’s married (a fact the announcers have also mentioned) plus he’s blatantly set up situations that make himself look good and Eddie Edwards look bad, and yet here she is, totally oblivious to it all. Maybe there’s a third option that I’m missing that will make sense of all this, but right now it’s either she doesn’t watch the show or it’s all a Vince Russo style swerve, and I’m not feeling either one of those.

Ok, so even though I liked the Slammiversary match, I’m about half past over this Tessa Blanchard wrestling dudes stuff. Why couldn’t the Callihan feud have ended with the grudging respect? I really don’t need the never ending series of tag matches and street fights and whatever the hell else. It feels like it isn’t going anywhere, and honestly, it’s starting to get to the point where if the rest of the show wasn’t as enjoyable as it usually is I’d give up and watch something else the way I eventually did with Lucha Underground.

ROH doesn’t have a ton of interesting storylines these days, but I’m curious about where this Kenny King and Rhett Titus stuff might be going.

I’m hoping it ultimately winds up with the reformation of the All Night Express. I think time has shown that the 2 of them are better off together. Plus it would mean we’d get their sweet theme back.

Seriously, it’s great. The perfect tempo for a hot crowd to clap along to, plus there’s something about the way it chugs along that just says ok, time to throw down.

NO matter what AEW ultimately becomes and no matter the mistakes they make or the things they get right as they go, sitting here watching the first episode of Dynamite, one thing is perfectly clear. We needed this. Wrestling needed this. There’s an energy to this show that hasn’t existed on televised wrestling since I don’t even know. It’s fantastic. I’m actually excited about adding a couple of extra hours of wrestling to my week, as crazy as that sounds.

Look At This Stupid Ass Video About What’s Supposed To Be A Smart Light Bulb

Not that any of you were curious or anything, but all you need to know about why no house of mine will ever have smart light bulbs as long as the choice is mine to make can be found right here.

Yes, that really is a three minute video about how to factory reset a fucking light bulb. I was absolutely seething by about the 40 second mark, for the record.

Also for the record, the words “light bulb” and “firmware” do not belong in the same sentence unless the words “this”, “does”, “not”, and “require” are also contained therein. It’s a light bulb. You stick it in the socket, you turn it on and off by hand as needed like a grown ass human being until it burns out, you replace it with a new one. That’s it. If you want me to change my mind, get back to me when you can explain everything in a way that sounds nothing like this.

Use the first reset sequence if:

Your bulbs are running on firmware version 2.8 or later (you can find your bulb firmware version by tapping on the device in your C by GE app).
We recommend counting with Mississippi (1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, etc.).

Start with your bulb off for at least 5 seconds.
1. Turn on for 8 seconds
2. Turn off for 2 seconds
3. Turn on for 8 seconds
4. Turn off for 2 seconds
5. Turn on for 8 seconds
6. Turn off for 2 seconds
7. Turn on for 8 seconds
8. Turn off for 2 seconds
9. Turn on for 8 seconds
10. Turn off for 2 seconds
11. Turn on
Bulb will flash on and off 3 times if it has been successfully reset.

If the factory reset above was unsuccessful, you might have an older version of the C by GE bulb. Please follow the instructions below to reset.

Bulb Reset Sequence – for firmware version 2.7 or earlier:
We recommend counting with Mississippi (1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, etc.).

Start with your bulb off for at least 5 seconds.
1. Turn on for 8 seconds
2. Turn off for 2 seconds
3. Turn on for 2 seconds
4. Power off for 2 seconds
5. Turn on for 2 seconds
6. Power off for 2 seconds
7. Turn on for 2 seconds
8. Power off for 2 seconds
9. Turn on for 8 seconds
10. Power off for 2 seconds
11. Turn on for 8 seconds
12. Power off for 2 seconds
13. Turn on
Bulb will flash on and off 3 times if it has been successfully reset.

Need assistance? Call the C by GE Customer Service Hotline at 1-844-30C-BYGE (1-844-302-2943), or email help@cbyge.com.

Ahh Christ. I just saw the line about needing assistance in the context of a light bulb and now I’m all upset again. If anyone needs me, I’ll be trying not to break things. Especially not any of the few good light bulbs we still have around here.

Plastic Grocery Bags Might Not Be So Bad After All

They call them single use plastic bags, but be honest, how many people do you know who only use them once? I can’t count the number of people us included who have a big bag collection. So long as they don’t have holes in the bottom or broken handles, we’ll reuse pretty much every bag that comes through the door for something or other. Storing things, garbage since they’re easier to get down our apartment’s chute than bigger, more conventional trash bags, carrying stuff from one place to another, picking up dog poop in a pinch, and on and on and on. Maybe they aren’t the greatest thing for the environment since they don’t decompose, but they’re useful, they’re convenient, and as it turns out, they might actually be better than basically every option that’s supposed to be replacing them.

This is something I’ve often wondered about when the subject of banning plastic grocery bags comes up, so I’m glad there are now studies to tell me that my thought that the impact of the production and eventual disposal of the alternatives might be as hard or harder on the planet in some ways isn’t completely out of line.

Before California banned plastic shopping bags statewide in late 2016, a wave of 139 California cities and counties implemented the policy themselves. Taylor and colleagues compared bag use in cities with bans with those without them. For six months, they spent weekends in grocery stores tallying the types of bags people carried out (she admits these weren’t her wildest weekends). She also analyzed these stores’ sales data.
Taylor found these bag bans did what they were supposed to: People in the cities with the bans used fewer plastic bags, which led to about 40 million fewer pounds of plastic trash per year. But people who used to reuse their shopping bags for other purposes, like picking up dog poop or lining trash bins, still needed bags. “What I found was that sales of garbage bags actually skyrocketed after plastic grocery bags were banned,” she says. This was particularly the case for small, 4-gallon bags, which saw a 120 percent increase in sales after bans went into effect.

Trash bags are thick and use more plastic than typical shopping bags. “So about 30 percent of the plastic that was eliminated by the ban comes back in the form of thicker garbage bags,” Taylor says. On top of that, cities that banned plastic bags saw a surge in the use of paper bags, which she estimates resulted in about 80 million pounds of extra paper trash per year.

A bunch of studies find that paper bags are actually worse for the environment. They require cutting down and processing trees, which involves lots of water, toxic chemicals, fuel and heavy machinery. While paper is biodegradable and avoids some of the problems of plastic, Taylor says, the huge increase of paper, together with the uptick in plastic trash bags, means banning plastic shopping bags increases greenhouse gas emissions. That said, these bans do reduce nonbiodegradable litter.

I want to stop here and mention something else about paper bags. If you’re going to give them out at a store, for the love of god please make sure they have handles on them. Any bag that doesn’t have handles is of no use to me. I need my hands for things like using my cane and opening doors, and I can’t do that if they’re full of your stupid, handleless bag. Give me some good handles so I can slide that bad boy up my arm and get on with my day.

Ok, back to the matter at hand.

While the cloth bags do at least have handles on them, they’re no ecological picnic either, according to research.

A 2011 study by the U.K. government found a person would have to reuse a cotton tote bag 131 times before it was better for climate change than using a plastic grocery bag once. The Danish government recently did a study that took into account environmental impacts beyond simply greenhouse gas emissions, including water use, damage to ecosystems and air pollution. These factors make cloth bags even worse. They estimate you would have to use an organic cotton bag 20,000 times more than a plastic grocery bag to make using it better for the environment.

Ironically, it seems that the best replacement for the plastic bag is in fact a plastic bag. A reusable one mind you, but still.

According to the Danish study, the best reusable ones are made from polyester or plastics like polypropylene. Those still have to be used dozens and dozens of times to be greener than plastic grocery bags, which have the smallest carbon footprint for a single use.

The best thing we can do, according to this study’s author, is not ban the single use bags at all, but rather charge a fee for them. There are stores around here that already do that, and I’m fine with it. If I could make one suggestion though, it would be that the stores don’t get to keep the profits from those fees. Instead, the money should be donated to environmental causes such as organizations that do neighbourhood cleanups, or perhaps put toward research that could one day produce something that is actually better than the poor plastic bag.

Yours To Decipher

We here in Ontario did end up getting those new licence plates that Doug Ford promised us. They began rolling out at the start of this month, actually. They’re blue with white letters and numbers, which is the opposite of how they used to look, and apparently they say “A Place to Grow” on them. I say apparently because it appears that the same government that brought us stickers that don’t stick to things has now unleashed licence plates nobody can read if the light isn’t just so.

The blue plates are being heavily criticized on Twitter with many people posting photos of them at night, when all that’s visible is a shiny blue rectangle. The numbers and letters are illegible.

Brian Patterson, president of the Ontario Safety League, a traffic safety organization, says it should be a basic requirement that a plate can be read at night. He says in some cases, the blue plates can’t even be read in daylight. 
“You have to be fairly close to read them with precision,” said Patterson. “If you’re calling in an impaired driver you want to make sure you give the licence plate correctly… [this] multiplies the complexity of doing that and it may discourage people from reporting [drunk drivers] to police.”

Maybe that’s by design? This is, after all, the same government that’s spilled plenty of words and likely even more money once it’s all said and done trying to make sure that we can buy beer in every commercial space and then drink it no matter where we are or what time we’re there. They’re clearly relying on the drunkard vote, so it might be in their interest to take some of the pressure off of them.

Seriously though, how does this happen? Maybe I’m not the best person to be criticizing what with the total blindness and such, but if they were tested at all like the government claims they were, wouldn’t hey, we can’t read these things like at all be one of the first things anyone noticed? That seems like some pretty basic, day one stuff there.

That’s Not What They Meant When They Told You To Get The Head Out

Not sure how poor Reese McGuire is ever going to live this one down. Any time a commentator makes a reference to choking up on the lumber or getting some good wood on that ball, this is all anybody’s going to be thinking about. And don’t even get me started on what he might be studying in the video room. Blue Jays’ Reese McGuire Allegedly Masturbated In Parked Car Before Arrest

TMZ Sports has obtained the police report from McGuire’s arrest … and cops say a witness told them the Blue Jays catcher had been masturbating in his parked car before they arrived on the scene.
According to the report … cops say after they rolled up to the parking lot, they saw McGuire with his shirt “barely covering his genitals” and his sweatpants around his ankles.
They claim in the report when they got McGuire out of his car, he “had an erection which was very apparent.”
Cops say McGuire apologized to them profusely for the incident … saying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, this is really embarrassing.” Cops say McGuire added, “I really shouldn’t have been doing that.”
In the report, cops claim when they got McGuire’s phone to try to find his current address … they noticed an “extremely pornographic video was playing on the screen.”
Officers say they asked Reese why he came to the parking lot instead of just going home … McGuire responded that he “did not know, it just seemed like a good place.”

He was arrested and charged with “exposure of sexual organs”, a misdemeanor. He’s scheduled to report to court in March for trial.