Home Of The Flopper

A Nebraska man was arrested for masturbating at a Burger King Sunday night.
One of the Lincoln restaurant employees who witnessed the event told police that 24-year-old Khaled Khalil kept entering and exiting the restaurant, and when he’d get inside, he would begin masturbating, 1011 Now reports.

The witness also told police Khalil’s genitals were fully exposed.
When officers arrived on the scene and tried to speak with the suspect, they said he appeared to be intoxicated and wouldn’t speak to them.

Heh heh heh…entering and exiting.

He was arrested and charged with indecent exposure. Police say he has no other run-ins on his record and that he doesn’t appear to be a registered sex offender. Everybody has to start somewhere, though.

Listen To This Or Don’t. I Don’t Give A Fuck

Not a song about snow days per se, but it seems appropriate.

I’ve tried, tried, tried
And I’ve tried even more
I’ve Cried, Cried, Cried
And I can’t recall what for
I’ve pressed, I’ve pushed, I’ve yelled, I’ve begged
In hope of some success

But the inevitable fact is that
It never will impress

I’ve no more fucks to give,
My fucks have runneth dry,
I’ve tried to go fuck shopping
But there’s no fucks left to buy

I’ve no more fucks to give,
Though more fucks I’ve tried to get,
I’m over my fuck budget and
I’m now in fucking debt

I strive, strive, strive
To get everything done
I’ve played by all the rules
But I’ve very rarely won,
I’ve smiled, I’ve charmed, I’ve wooed
I’ve laughed,
Alas to no avail
I’ve run round like a moron,
To unequivocally fail!

I’ve no more fucks to give,
My fuck fuse has just blown,
I’ve been hunting for my fucks all day,
But they’ve upped and fucked off home,
I’ve no more fucks to give,
My fuck rations are depleted,
I’ve rallied my fuck army but
It’s been fucking defeated!

The effort has just not been worth
The time or the expense
I’ve exhausted all my energy
For minimal recompense
The complete lack of acknowledgement
Has now begun to gall
And I’ve come to realise that I
Don’t give a fuck at all!

I’ve no more fucks to give,
My fucks have flown away,
My fucks are now so fucked off
They’ve refused to fucking stay!
I’ve no more fucks to give,
My fucks have gone insane
They’ve come back round and passed me
While they’re fucking off again!

I’ve no more fucks to give,
My fucks have all dissolved,
I’ve planned many projects
But my fucks won’t be involved!
I’ve no more fucks to give,
My fucks have all been spent,
They’ve fucked off from the building
And I don’t know where they went!

I’ve no more fucks to give,
I’ve no more fucks to give,
I’ve no more fucks,
I’ve no more fucks,
I’ve no more fucks to give!

I’d Like To Bump Somebody. In The Head. Repeatedly. With A Shovel

I haven’t been on a plane in something like 25 years, but this shit still infuriates me. Air Canada employee says staff trained to ‘dupe’ passengers at risk of being bumped from oversold flights

Seriously, legalized robbery is what that is. Whatever bribes the airlines pay to the world’s governments to get this scam rammed through and keep it running must be massive on a scale that us regular people could never comprehend, and that’s to say nothing of the ongoing cost of the PR clowns trotted out into the wild to keep reminding us that it’s just and good.

But how is any of this right or fair? And what other business could get away with it?

Back at Christmas, Carin and I almost didn’t get to go visit her family because they waited until the last minute to tell us what the plan was. It ended up that the two of us got the last two seats on one of the trains we needed and wouldn’t be able to sit together. We knew this well ahead of time because VIA Rail, like any business with something passing for morals and ethics, told us right away how many seats they had instead of putting on their best airline face and selling tickets willy-nilly while wishing on stars that extra seats would magically appear.

Ditto for Greyhound. They aren’t as organized as VIA, but any time I’ve seen them sell out a bus they either tell you so at the counter before you buy a ticket or they send an extra one to accommodate the overflow.

And when was the last time you went to a baseball game or a concert only to be told that they double sold your seat? Unless you bought fake tickets from some criminal on Kijiji, the answer is probably never.

This is not that hard. Count the number of available seats, and then sell that many tickets. Don’t come out here with some line about how overselling is consumer friendly because it helps pay for less used routes. That’s cash grab rationalizing garbage and everyone knows it. If it costs more to maintain a specific service, charge more for it. Some people might not like that, but I guarantee they’ll like it a lot more than having their plans ruined so you can keep base fares artificially low. And by the way, if it works so well to keep costs down, why the need to nickel and dime folks at every turn? Why do baggage fees keep increasing while at the same time it’s getting less and less likely you’re getting fed on your flight, for instance.

The authorities could end this, of course. But they don’t want to. If you doubt that, just look at this ridiculous fucking idea the Canadian government is hoping to include in its passenger bill of rights.

Regardless of why an airline has more passengers than seats on a flight, new federal airline regulations coming down the runway will make it harder for travellers to claim compensation if they’re denied boarding, says Gabor Lukacs, founder of a Canadian advocacy group called Air Passenger Rights.
Currently, airlines must seek volunteers to give up their seats before denying anyone boarding. Passengers who are involuntarily bumped are entitled to compensation — up to $1,350 — depending on the airline, destination and length of the delay.
The new proposed regulations provide higher compensation, but require the passenger to prove they were denied boarding due to an oversold flight caused by a situation within the airline’s control.
“This is impossible to show,” Lukacs said.
“Passengers don’t have access to the airline’s reservation system. They don’t know how big the aircraft is. They don’t know how many seats were sold. Moreover, in situations where the airline moves passengers against their will to other flights, it is going to look as if the flight was not oversold.”

Lukacs says Canada should be emulating European standards, where anyone with a valid ticket who doesn’t get on their plane is considered to have been denied boarding — and is eligible for compensation.
“In Canada there is no excuse for drafting a definition so narrowly that people who pay their hard-earned dollars for their seats won’t get compensated when they are denied boarding on their flight,” he said.

Nope, nobody’s in anybody’s pocket here. No siree Bob!

There is literally one good reason why anyone with a valid ticket shouldn’t be on his flight. Mechanical problems. If the airline has to switch planes and the new one isn’t the same size, that’s unavoidable. But all these other excuses can go straight to hell. I bet they’ll all make it there on time, too. Even hell has a better ticketing system than the stupid airport.

Are You Being Passive-Aggressive To The Computer? That’s What I Thought!

I keep seeing this commercial where there’s this warm fuzzy style music playing and this kid is asking her virtual assistant questions. First, it’s how old is the earth, and then the kid starts asking unanswerable questions like “Do you know how the sun feels on your face?” and “Have you ever seen a shooting star?” I eventually figured out that it’s an ad for Nature Valley, but before I knew that, all I kept thinking is “This kid is a total asshole!”

If you haven’t seen the ad, here it is.

Seriously, little girl. Would you walk up to a dude in a wheelchair and ask him “Do you know how it feels to run? It feels amazing!” That little robot you’re dragging around through the tweet tweet birdies just wants to help you with your homework. I hope it gives you a few wrong answers just for spite.

The strategy article claims they’re trying to encourage people to go outside, which is a fine message. But why do they have to make the kid be such a total heel to the robot? Are they going to next have the kid run through the children’s ICU telling all the kids that she can go outside and they can’t?

I’m sure the visuals are all cute and heartwarming and aww that’s so adorable! But when you can’t see it, it does not give you the positive vibes. Heck, you don’t even know what the commercial is for. It’s memorable, but not in the way they want.

Grand River Transit Is About To Change Hundreds Of Stop Names

Not sure how much any of this is really going to mess anyone up, but the fact that Grand River Transit is changing the names of about 300 bus stops as of tomorrow morning seems like something worth a mention.

The change is part of an effort to standardize the system and for “wayfinding purposes”, according to their website.
Some noteworthy changes include switching stop names to reference key landmarks, while other routes will see street names added for better wayfinding.
The University/Seagram stop will switch to University Ave./University of Waterloo and is an example of a landmark name change.
The Father David Bauer stop will switch to Westmount/Father David Bauer and is an example of adding a street name for better wayfinding.
The Frobisher/100s Block stop will switch to 151 Frobisher Ave. and is an example of standardizing midblock stop names.

CTV Kitchener has the full list.

Can You Help My Friend Make Her House More Accessible For Her Kids?

I don’t think I ever wrote about Katie, someone I went to university with. It’s a shame. I guess most of the time I would have had occasion to write about her, there wasn’t a blog, or I wasn’t writing for it. But now she is needing a little help raising some money to install some accessibility equipment so her kids can move around their house independently. So, I wanted to tell you a little bit about her so you might think about giving her a hand because of how cool a person she is.

I met Katie for a few reasons. She would help me get to class sometimes, and she also worked the desk at the residence where I lived. I always had so much fun with her. She was very good at cracking me up. Sometimes we would leave strange messages on each other’s answering machines, and this was back in the day when people shared answering machines. Sorry, former room-mates of Katie. This little song will always make me think of her.

I only knew it as far as “The apple of my eye”, but that’s it. That was her voicemail greeting for a while.

We went to movies, hung out and had fun, at least I did. Sometimes she would tell me about this camp where she would volunteer and all the kids she would work with. I eventually figured out that this was a camp for kids with various disabilities, but she never made a big deal about their disabilities, they were just kids who were part of her summer. When she got married, there were a ton of kids from that camp who came to her wedding.

As the fund-raiser explains, she and her husband went on to adopt two kids with special needs. Now those kids have gotten bigger and are having trouble moving around on their own. So she wants to install an elevator called a telecab in their house. That will cost $40000. It looks like she’s well on her way. So far, she has raised nearly $6000 and this fund-raiser was just created a few days ago.

I know many of you probably don’t know Katie, but she is an amazing person who would do anything for these kids. I hope you can help her out by either donating or sharing her story.

You May Flash The Waitress

I don’t know if it’s all uphill or downhill from here, but married life is definitely off to a rough start for you when day one consists of drunkenly, creepily and forcefully trying for some sexy time with a teenage waitress in a bathroom and fighting with the resulting police officers at your own wedding.

Citing police documents, CBS reported police responded to an indecent assault on a minor at a country club. Authorities say that’s where Aimers allegedly forced himself on a waitress just hours after tying the knot.

According to a criminal complaint, Aimers made advances on the teen throughout the evening, and “asked her to go outside and make out,” telling her “we can do whatever you want.” The victim declined and told the groom she was there to work.
According to the Inquirer, Aimers followed the underage girl into the women’s washroom later in the evening, where he pulled the girl into stall, exposed himself and tried to sexually assault her. The girl tried to pull away from the man and he continued “to proposition her,” according to police documents. The girl was able to break free from the man and got herself out of the washroom.

Aimers was also charged with simple assault, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest after police say he fought officers responding to a brawl at the reception.

A worker alleged Aimers punched him after he tried to stop him from bringing alcohol outside.

The charges mentioned in the snip go along with the counts of indecent assault, indecent exposure and false imprisonment of a minor related to his failed attempt at lining up a mistress.

Lawyer Louis Busico says that his client, Matthew Aimers, “completely maintains his innocence on all charges.”

That’s nice and all, but I’d really like to hear from the bride about now. You almost never hear from the other half when something like this goes down. That’s likely for the best since they’re probably suffering enough as it is, but just once I’d kind of like to get their perspective on things.