Jul 29 2014

Where A Lack Of Taste And Sanity Is The Difference

Not only is this a rare do it yourself story involving a possible crazy woman, but I want you to read this snip and take note of where it took place.

According to police, Dick’s staff called 911 around 5:30 p.m. to report a woman harassing customers and refusing to leave the property.

The woman threw a condiment holder and donation box at employees and hit one employee in the arm, according to police.

When officers arrived, a witness reported that the woman had pulled down her pants and performed a lewd act in front of the restaurant.

Yup, Dick’s Drive-In.

You can read the full story here, if you’d like.

Jul 29 2014

Cell Phones On My Bed Sheets Make Me Toasty

The story of the teenaged girl’s cell phone burning a hole in her bed while she slept has been all over the news the last few days, but for some reason, nobody has bothered to point out or perhaps even notice the little bit of humour in it…so allow me.

The main character in this tale about telephones goes by the name Ariel Tollfree.

Jul 28 2014

Was That A Good Idea? Not Even Close

No matter how funny you think your dumb joke is, it’s probably best that you don’t bust it out for the friendly local reporter asking questions and taking pictures for one of those man on the street articles if you’re a bail jumper.

A college student wanted for jumping bail on a drunken driving case in New York was busted in Pennsylvania after he made a dopey joke to a newspaper and allowed them to print his photo.

Jacob Close, 25, was collared at a student rec center at Bloomsburg University over the weekend after his photo ran in an opinion feature in the local Press Enterprise, news blogger Jim Romenesko reported.

Close, identified as a Bloomsburg student, appeared in the paper answering a question about whether the Washington Redskins should change their name, which has come under fire from Native American groups and others.

“I think they should keep the same name, but change the mascot to a potato,” Close yukked.

A police officer who happened to be reading the paper (yes, a few people still do that) recognized him and from there it didn’t take long to get him back in custody. Bail was set at $25,000, which hopefully nobody was stupid enough to post for him. He was awaiting extradition back to New York at last report.

Jul 25 2014

Revenge Of The Restaurant Worker

Everyone knows that when you put substandard restaurant service, impatient customers and weaponry together, a building is about to become a gunshot victim. But on the other hand, everyone also knows that there is what may or may not be a first time for everything.

According to Springfield police, officers responding to a call about a possible holdup early Saturday morning discovered a 26-year-old man banging on the restaurant’s door. The man told cops he went to the drive-thru to “get some tacos,” but after waiting a long time for service, he “banged on the window and yelled but nobody would help him.”

The customer, according to police, then “became angry (cause he was hungry)” and headed from his car to the eatery to complain about the poor service. He was met at the locked front door by Taco Bell employee Steven Noska.

According to the victim, Noska, 26, shoved him and then went to his car and got a BB gun. The man told cops Noska then shot him “several times” and also struck him with the weapon before returning to the restaurant.

While talking to police, Noska showed them bite marks on his arm that he said were put there by the customer. The customer was not arrested, but Noska was. He was charged with multiple counts of assault and battery. He’s currently free, having posted $250 bail.

Jul 25 2014

Let’s Go Rogering

Usually when a story about some pervert taking upskirt photos of women in public places comes up, it’s creepy and gross, but generally not all that interesting. It’s pretty much always a hidden bathroom camera or one of those snazzy mini cams in a shoe, some charges and the world mostly moving on.

But not so in the case of Timothy Keith Colgrove, so the story goes. Whether his dictionary was missing the page with the definition of discreet on it, his give a damn was busted or he’s just a flat out imbecile is up for debate, but whatever the case, we can all agree that the Kroger’s pharmacist was clearly doing it wrong on this day.

According to a Suwanee Police Department report, Mary Rivera, 31, told officers she was “standing in the checkout line when she observed the suspect, Timothy Keith Colgrove, squatting next to her holding his cell phone in such a way as to photograph under her skirt.”

When Rivera spotted the 38-year-old Colgrove, she tried to grab his phone. During the ensuing scuffle, Colgrove “fell backwards to the ground” as the woman and another Kroger customer sought to confiscate the phone. Colgrove, Rivera told cops, was “trying to delete the pictures.”

The two shoppers eventually succeeded in wresting away Colgrove’s phone, which Rivera later turned over to police.

When questioned, Colgrove told police that he wasn’t taking photos of the nice lady, offering instead that he had been squatting down to get a drink out of a refrigerator while at the same time sending texts, something I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a person do. By the way, if you can’t put the phone down for even the few seconds it takes to grab a beverage, seek help. You have a problem.

When asked for permission to search the photos and videos on his phone, Colgrove said no, telling cops that “he had other stuff on his phone that he did not want everybody to see.” But that didn’t turn out to be immediately important, since 3 separate shoppers backed up the this guy was totally snapping pictures up this lady’s skirt version of events.

Colgrove was arrested for felony eavesdropping which seems a bit odd if we’re going by what most of us would consider the traditional definition of the word and booked into the Gwinnett County jail. He was released after posting $5700 bond.

And because today the universe loves us, the story notes in a rather glorious bit of namey coincidence that Colgrove is a resident of Cumming, which is a city 40 miles northeast of Atlanta.

Jul 23 2014

Dine And Duh

I’ve never dined and dashed, but I know what the first rule is. No, it’s not do not talk about dine and dash, though that one’s probably on the list somewhere. The first rule of dine and dash, quite sensibly, is make sure you’ve gathered up all your stuff before you leave, fool. Unfortunately for Kyla Anne MacMillan, that’s the one she broke.

After MacMillan and a couple of friends had polished off $160 worth of food and liquor at a pub in Brandon, Manitoba, she said she needed to go outside and use a nearby bank machine. but instead of grabbing money, the three made a run for it. The other 2 (who I’m sure are soooo off the Christmas card list right now) got away, but MacMillan had to come back. Why? An attack of the guilties? Nope. She needed her medication…which was in her purse…which was still inside the restaurant.

Barring a whole lot of missing information, that’s what they call an open and shut case, kids. And odds are nothing was missing, as MacMillan pleaded guilty to a charge of fraudulently obtaining food. She was ordered by Judge Donovan Dvorak (who’s name is quite fun to say) to pay the original bill, plus $325 in court costs. Or put another way, there go 2 more nights out.

Jul 23 2014

Help! I Need Somebody. An Arborist, To Be Specific

In 2004, a tree was planted in memory of George Harrison. Recently, something killed it. That something? An infestation of beetles.

“That’s what you get for spelling our name wrong all these years!”, I like to imagine they said.

A tree planted to honor of the memory of the Beatles songwriter George Harrison has been killed by actual beetles. As the Los Angeles Times reports, the living local monument fell victim to an infestation of insects that couldn’t be bested. According to Councilman Tom LaBonge, the 10-foot-tall pine planted in 2004 bit the dust only recently, and a new one will be planted in its stead shortly.

Harrison’s last years were spent living in L.A. — he died there at 58 in late 2001, and was cremated at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. The so-called George Harrison Tree was accompanied by a plaque reading: “In memory of a great humanitarian who touched the world as an artist, a musician and a gardener.”

Jul 22 2014

The Westboro Baptists Are Posting Parody Songs On SoundCloud Now. They Are Not Very Good

Fred Phelps may have finally kicked it, but his Westboro Baptist Church still seems to be alive and well…unless we’re talking in the head, where clearly it is profoundly not so.

Apparently some of these folks fancy themselves musicians, and have taken up residence on SoundCloud where they can channel their inner Weird Al by writing parodies about how much god hates everything. Obviously he hates fags, but he also hates Whitney Houston because she did drugs and the entire world because it sins proudly and we’re all going to eat our children…or something. and of course there are rap songs. What would a terrible religious campaign be without a sad attempt to be hip with the youngens, yo?

I haven’t made my way through all of this yet, because there’s only so much hate crime a fella can handle in one sitting. And no, that’s not simply my assessment of the vocal stylings on offer here, though it certainly does apply.

Jul 22 2014

He’s In Some Real Deep Shit Now

it’s been a few years since we’ve written about David Truscott, but he’s back at it, going after the same people. And as sometimes happens in cases like these, I think we’ve hit the point where it’s not quite so funny anymore.

He made the new threats shortly after being released from jail and transferred to the hostel, where he was being treated for a type of autism.

Truscott spent a few weeks at another supported hostel in Somerset where staff allowed him to indulge in some aspects of his fetish, but he became angry and upset after being moved to Exeter, where he was not.

His threats have had a devastating effect on the Roth family and the farmer is now seriously ill, while his wife and family say his vendetta has affected their work and their lives.

He boasted of having £2,000 cash which he wanted to spend on a hitman and spoke of his admiration for revenge killer Raoul Moat.

He fantasised about kidnapping members of the Roth family, tying them to trees, dousing them with petrol and setting them alight.

His hate campaign started in 2004 when he was caught rolling naked in cow pats and then banned from the property after stripping off and climbing into a muck spreader.

He defied court orders to stay away from the land and when Mr Roth cleaned the muck spreader to deter him he set light to the milking parlour in revenge.

He was jailed in 2005, 2009 and 2011 and made the fresh threats within weeks of being released half way through a two year sentence in 2012.

He also threatened to burn down the family’s farm, which considering he’s already proven he’ll set pieces of their property on fire when angry sounds like more of a promise.

He admitted to making threats and has now been sentenced to 5 more years of custody, which will be divided up between prison and a mental hospital.

Jul 21 2014

One Small Step

While I’ve been away celebrating birthdays, watching wrestling and eating many much deep fried and barbecued foods, Gill’s been writing about the anniversary of the moon landing. I shall now post what she sent me and go back to the baseball game I am watching.

To The Moon And Back

You have probably heard your parents talk about it, or maybe you yourself are just old enough to have a vague memory of it, but it was on this date in 1969 that Neil Armstrong and his crew landed successfully on the moon.

What My Parents Told Me

My parents were newly weds on that day, my dad was working in the orchards, he had not acquired his business at this juncture, and my mom, fresh off teaching second-graders in Cooksville {near Missisauga} was at home watching history unfold.

The World At Large

At this point Piere Trudeau was Prime Minister, war was occurring in South East Asia, and protests were going on to end the war in South East Asia in places like Detroit and Columbus.

Conclusion

Ask your parents, or dig back in to your memory to find out where either they were, what you as a small child, or just think of all the advances we have made in the 45 years since the Eagle landed.

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