Aug 16 2014

Killer Robots: It’s Not Just In Science Fiction Anymore!

Serious as this article is, every time I see it, this song enters my head and won’t leave.

I guess there’s a robotics company in KW that makes unmanned robots, and some of their buyers are the military and space agencies. They have decided that they do not want to be responsible for making killer robots, as in robots that can kill people without any human initiation of the action.

It’s scary to think that this is a thing that’s possible. I hope they can make some headway…I’d hate to think of robots blasting away on people based on on or off, yes or no, 1 or 0.

Aug 16 2014

It Looks Like Hitchbot Made It

Remember when I wrote about Hitchbot? Remember how I was afraid he wasn’t going to make it?

It looks like he made it! I saw pictures that said he was there, followed by tweets that said he wasn’t quite there yet. But at any rate, if he’s not there, he’s super close!

I have to admit I kind of got attached to the little guy, and when he didn’t tweet for a while, I’d worry. Yes, I would worry about a cake-saver, a beer bucket, some pool noodles and some wellington boots on some nuts and bolts. Maybe I have issues.

At any rate, he’s nearly reached his destination, after being taken dancing, to a powwow, camping, and all kinds of weird and wacky adventures. I guess people had fun with him.

Some amusing things I learned: apparently he accidentally got a bit religious, asking people if they thought there was a god, or if people believed in a Christian god. Apparently they had to fix that bug. And I really don’t know how much of a conversation you have with him, so much as he just talks at you for a while. I think the funniest moment was when he started rhyming off a poem about the open road…to noone in particular.

Also amusing in that video is how people can tell him to cram it if they’ve had too much of his Wikipedia recitations.

I really don’t know what to call him, he or she. For some reason I thought of Hitchbot as a he before I heard its voice, which is female. But I can’t call it an it, not a lot anyway.

I wonder if this was a true test of trust, since they got a bunch of news coverage, so people sort of knew what Hitchbot was. What would be a real test is if they released another one with no fanfare and watched what it did.

Anyway, congrats Hitchbot! I think you’ve made it!

Aug 15 2014

Foot Bath Splash Down Nightmare

Here’s another one from Gill. I should be able to think of loads of good answers since sometimes it feels like these sorts of moments are pretty much my life, but I’m coming up empty at the moment. Feel free to share your own if you’re so inclined though, because humiliating stories are fun.

Actually wait, I’ve got one. This seems like a fine time to share the drunken stranger in our old apartment story again.

And now that you’ve read that, take it away, Gill!

Have you ever had something happen to you that was not too funny at the time, but makes you burst in to gales of laughter later? Like it or not these moments happen more often than we want to have them happen.

Second Bath

On July 31 I went for my usual pedicure, and as the pedicurist was guiding me toward the seat I misheard, and plopped my rear end in the place my feet were supposed to go to luxuriate. I hoped to heck that I would not become “foot bath splash down girl.` I spent the rest of the appointment sitting on a towel, and wearing a slight frown of embarrassment.

question

Has something like this happened to you? Maybe you ripped your pants in front of a crowd, spilled something down your favorite shirt, or laughed so hard you shot something out of your nose, or peed your pants.

Aug 14 2014

Arthur Price Had His Table, And Now This Woman Has Completed The Outdoor Humping…Er, Dining Set

Seattle Woman, 33, Arrested After “Humping” Lawn Chairs, Exposing Self

A female witness told officers that Hans “had come onto her lawn and was ‘humping’ the lawn chairs,” according to a Seattle Police Department report. The woman added that she and her two children–ages 15 and 11–watched Hans’s late-afternoon performance from a window in their home.

After grinding on the lawn chairs, Hans allegedly “exposed her vagina,” and then “smacked” her genitals “with her hand multiple times.” Additionally, the witnesses reported that Hans relieved herself on the lawn and “bent over and exposed her bottom.”

To the surprise of hopefully no one, police reported that Sila Hans was “extremely intoxicated” and “displaying erratic behavior” when confronted. She was also clearly out to seduce the chairs, as she arrived on the scene wearing a short dress and no underwear.

She was arrested and charged with a single count of indecent exposure. I’d have thrown in a destruction of property while I was at it, since there’s no way anybody’s going to want to sit in those seats ever again.

Aug 14 2014

Baby You Can Drive Me To My Car

If you require the use of a car to drive yourself to your car, you’ve undoubtedly had a good night. But if the car you wish to use is full of the police officers to whom it belongs and you seem to neither notice nor care, you’ve had your good night and possibly a decent share of somebody else’s and probably should’ve called it one a few hours ago.

According to the police report, three Pittsburgh officers were sitting in the car just after 2 a.m. in front of Club Xtaza on Smallman Street in the Strip District, where a 2,500-person after party for Friday night’s Wiz Khalifa concert was taking place.

The officer sitting in the driver’s seat had stepped out of the car to make a phone call while Officer Garrett Spory, sitting in the passenger seat, “was observing a crowd of five to six people in front of our vehicle who had clearly noticed our undercover vehicle.”

A woman in the group, identified as Ria Buford, 32, of Highland Park, walked over and sat down in the driver’s seat of the car. Officer Spory tried to push her out, yelling “Pittsburgh police, get out of the vehicle now! You’re under arrest!”

Ms. Buford informed the officers that she would be taking the car to drive it to her car, at which point the officer in the backseat also started to yell at her to get out of the vehicle.

“We were both terrified that she was going to attempt to drive away with both of us in the vehicle,” Officer Spory wrote the complaint.

Officer Spory got out of the car and ran around to the driver’s side to try to pull Ms. Buford out of the vehicle. A man identified only as John Doe grabbed the officer’s shirt and yelled not to touch Ms. Buford.

For his trouble, Mr. Doe got a tackling and a couple of good knee strikes to the back before his inevitable arresting.

He was charged with public drunkenness, aggravated assault and resisting arrest.

Buford was charged with public drunkenness also, as well as counts of robbery of a motor vehicle and disorderly conduct.

Aug 14 2014

Can You Drain Me Now?

A lot of us are pretty attached to our iPhones, but it is my sincere hope that most of us understand that no matter how important they are to us, it’s not worth trying to drain an entire pond to get yours back when you drop it over the side of a fishing boat and aren’t allowed to go in after it.

He sneaked back to the pond hours after the fishing trip ended — armed with pumps and two hoses.

He tried to direct the pond water into the club’s toilet, but ended up flooding a parking lot.

This alerted police, who foiled his plan to get his iPhone back.

“I thought two pumps would drain enough of the water from the pond so I could find my cellphone,” he told German media, according to Metro.

“I knew the phone was probably dead but wanted to get the data card back with the numbers, pictures and videos of my friends.”

It’s tempting to cut the kid the tiniest bit of slack because he’s a kid, but no.

The unidentified 16-year-old was ordered to pay for the damaged toilet, costs to clean up the mess he made in the parking lot and for water to refill the pond. And no, he never did get his phone back.

Aug 14 2014

C Is For Chokehold, ‘Cause You Ate My Cookies Three

I’ve eaten cookies for breakfast once or twice in my day. Look at me, of course I have. But if anything’s going to kill me for doing so, it’s going to be Father Time and Cousin Coronary, not Crazy Cookie Loving Roommate Guy A.K.A. Allen M. Hall.

After finding out that his unidentified 49-year-old female roommate had eaten 3 Chips Ahoy cookies, Hall is reported to have flipped his lid to such a digree that they almost became the last supper.

The incident occurred about 10:15 a.m. Wednesday in a house on the 400 block of East Garfield Avenue, where Hall and the roommate had separate bedrooms.

The victim said she was dressing in a bathroom when Hall started pounding on the door, threatening to kill her.

Because she didn’t take the threat seriously she opened the door and told him: “If you are going to kill me then go ahead,” the victim later told police.

Hall shocked her with his violent response.

“Allen grabbed her around the throat with both of his hands and threw her down into the tub,” she told police, said the affidavit. “She hit the back of her head on the tub and this caused a knot on her head.”

Hall then got on top of her “and strangled her to the point she could not speak and was having difficulty breathing.”

The victim’s husband and landlady both arrived on the scene and “had to pull Allen off of her.”

She later told police she believed “Allen would have killed her if (her husband and landlady) had not been there.”

During an interview, Hall, who might just be certifiably nuts, explained to police that “(The victim) told him to kill her, so he charged.”

Speaking of charged, he has been, of course. With attempted murder and aggravated domestic battery, to be specific. Bond was set at $75,000.

Aug 14 2014

Learning The Coolest

We have a guest contribution from Gill for the first time in a little while. She’s right. Learning English is hard enough when it’s your first language let alone your second, and slang just adds to the…fun?

Canada’s Cool Factor

We are a nation of immigrants, so whether you are the son of Cambodian refugees, or the daughter of ninth generation Canadians, we all came from somewhere

“What The Smerf?`

A very good friend of mine came from Pakistan in 1981 at the age of five, and she told me that she learned around 90% of her English by watching things such as The Barba Papas, and the Smerfs. It has been said that that is a great way to learn English, and lets not forget the cool factor.

Plop It Down, but don’t give me The stink eye

What those ESL classes don’t teach is the commonly used slangs. My sister worked as a bank manager in Toronto, and was enveloped by a plethora of nationalities. One time around Christmas her financial advisor, who had immigrated from Iraq had a document and asked her where to put said document. Heather looked at him and replied, “oh just plop it on my desk.` Having only been in Canada a couple of years he asked, “tell me about this word plop?`

The lady who cleans my house is from Serbia, and has only lived in Canada three years. Her English although improving is still quite limited. Recently I told her “with Elora gone there’s no one to give you the stink eye.` She smiled with the smile of the genuinely confused, so I explained that the stink eye was just another way of saying dirty looks.

Thought

Put yourself in their shoes, and imagine what it would be like to learn another language. Also give yourself the opportunity to teach someone the cool way, yes those general things are good, but plop some slang in as well.

Aug 13 2014

There Was No Murder. His Brain Cells Were Already Dead

People will try just about anything to get out of a speeding ticket, up to and including calling 911 to report a fake murder while the officer is distracted in the hopes that he’ll ditch your silly little traffic stop to go help out, apparently.

When I say people, I mean Julius Lupowitz, because I can’t think of anyone else who’s done this. There was the guy from a few weeks ago (also from Florida)who did a similar thing while trying to hide, but Lupowitz wasn’t running, he was making the calls from his stationary car.

Lupowitz is heard in the call saying there was a man with a gun and that someone was going to get shot and then the call is disconnected.

“I see there’s a murder that’s going to happen, I swear, on Wingate, on Wingate. No, Wingate and Wickham. No, on Wingate and Hollywood, Wingate and Hollywood,” the man said in the call to 911. “I swear there’s going to be a murder any second. I swear there’s a man with a gun. Please, I just called, it’s Wingate and Hollywood.”

The 911 operator received a second call from the same man, telling the same story. As the operator probed the caller for more information, he again disconnected the line.

A quick-thinking Brevard County Sheriff’s Office dispatcher did a search for prior incidents associated with the telephone number the 911 calls came from to find the phone belonged to Lupowitz. West Melbourne Police Officer Ted Salem was on the traffic stop when the 911 calls were received.

So now, instead of the $209 ticket he was getting, he’s facing a third-degree felony charge for misuse of the 911 system that could land him in jail for up to five years…and the ticket.

Bail was set at $2,000. Given how odd some of the bail amounts are, I’m surprised they didn’t go ahead and set it at $2209 so he could get that speeding thing taken care of.

Aug 13 2014

Not The Kind Of 2 For 1 Flight Deal Anyone Would Want

It’s thankfully been a while since we’ve brought word of any in-flight gropings. So since this is the human race, you know what that means. Two for one time! Ug.

First up you might say is Eun-jong Lee, a 47-year-old professor.

According to a criminal complaint sworn by FBI Agent Mary Anne Flippo, Lee and the woman were seated next to each other on Flight 78. The woman, who was traveling alone, told agents she did not know Lee.

During the 13-hour flight, the woman nodded off, Flippo reported. She later awoke to find one of Lee’s hands “located on top of her shirt and touching her breast through her clothing.” Lee then allegedly “touched the skin of the Victim’s neck and attempted to place his hand down the front of her shirt.”

When the woman told Lee to stop touching her, he got up and walked to a restroom at the far end of the aircraft. The victim reported the incident to flight crew members, to whom she also provided a written statement.

When questioned, Lee is said to have confessed to “among other things, touching the Victim in her breast region with his hand.” Please tell me that quote is from the police report and not a line he uses on all the girls.

And I know things mean different things in different languages and some of you might call me insensitive, but it’s worth noting that Lee is a professor at Handong Global University. Seems oddly appropriate given the circumstances.

He faces a felony charge of abusive sexual contact, which carries with it a maximum sentence of 2 years and up to $250,000 in fines.

And then there’s this fine fellow, who didn’t even have the common decency to pervert all over somebody of age.

The creepy incident occurred Thursday afternoon on a US Airways flight from Charlotte, North Carolina, according to a federal criminal complaint accusing Bed Prakash of assaulting the juvenile victim, who was traveling alone.

The teenager told FBI Agent Bianca Betz that Prakash was seated next to her in row 12. Halfway through the trip, the girl recalled, Prakash briefly placed his hand on her outer thigh. He then “lightly touched the breast of the juvenile female on two occasions,” Betz charged.

Prakash subsequently returned his hand to the girl’s leg and “began moving his hand along her thigh in an upward motion,” the complaint charges. Fearing “what might happen next,” the teen pushed Prakash’s hand away.

At this point, Prakash clasped the girl’s fingers and “lifted their interlocked hands up, kissed the juvenile female’s hand, and whispered ‘I love you’ in her ear,” stated Betz.

“Shortly thereafter,” Betz said, Prakash leaned over to the girl and “whispered a statement which included the word ‘sucking,’ then added, ‘Don’t tell your mom.’”

Tell me that’s not a line he uses on all the girls.

Prakash is currently free on a $5000 unsecured bond and has been ordered to surrender his passport. If he’s convicted of the assault, he faces a maximum of one year in prison, five years probation and a $100,000 fine.

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