Their Criminal Exploits Were A Smash Hit

This isn’t the worst getaway ever attempted, but it ought to be in the conversation for at least an honourable mention.

Oh, and it probably deserves one more thing, too.

According to the Kannapolis Police Department, officers responded to a report of shots fired into the Rent-A-Center on Cannon Boulevard around 2 a.m. Wednesday. When officers arrived, they saw two men trying to load a TV into a car. Police say the two men then jumped into separate vehicles and crashed into one another in the parking lot.
Following the collision, police say both men drove away driving the wrong way on South Cannon Boulevard before both were involved in separate crashes.

Willie El’Beehard Anthony and Jamarqua Antonio Davis ages 20 and 16 respectively were both quickly arrested and now face a laundry list of charges including break and enter, hit and run, drug possession and I hope you’re sitting down for this one, driving without a license. Yes, both of them got that last one.

Is Donald Trump Ok?

Ever since Donald Trump, “serious politician” became a thing, my mind has wrestled with two thoughts. One is wow, what a disingenuous, irredeemable shitbiscuit. I can’t believe this is actually happening. That’s the obvious one and to be honest, the one that often wins out. The other is more of an occasional feeling of concern as in guys, there is clearly something the matter with this elderly grandfather. Can we please stop taking advantage of him for political gain and maybe see about getting him some help?

I realize that with enough manipulation it’s possible to twist almost any set of circumstances into almost any narrative you wish, but I want you to keep the following lists in mind as you read this.

some of the cognitive symptoms of dementia, according to the Mayo Clinic.

  1. Memory loss
  2. Difficulty communicating or finding words
  3. Difficulty reasoning or problem solving
  4. Difficulty with planning or organizing
  5. Difficulty with coordination and motor functions

Psychological Changes

  1. Depression
  2. Anxiety
  3. Inappropriate behavior
  4. Paranoia
  5. Agitation
  6. Hallucinations

Does any of this explain away the things Trump has done and make him a good person? Hardly. Does it make him a sympathetic figure? Maybe a little, but there’s still an awful lot going on when you start digging into his background that makes him a difficult person to feel all that sorry for. Does any of it even absolutely prove anything? No, but it should give us all something to think about, because either conclusion you come to is dangerous. America is either being shepherded by a man in medical distress or by a calculating yet unstable lunatic. Even if you voted for him and especially if you’re in a position to prop him up for the sake of a few years in charge of the agenda, there has to come a point when there’s no choice but to admit that this isn’t doing anyone any good on any level.

Tell The Girl With The Doughnut Holes To Turn Off The Light

And on a lighter note, I thought of a couple more misheard lyrics that are much better than the owls. I wish I could find the actual clip, but there was a comedian who had some interesting misheard lyrics as sung by his parents. To this day, I cannot listen to “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” without hearing “the girl with colitis goes by.”

I also can’t hear “Jet Airliner” without thinking “Big ol’ Jed had a light on.”

I could do this all day, but I think I’ll stop at “Follow your doughnut hole”

This one was actually misheard by the kids of one of the guys in the band who made it.

You’ll never hear those songs the same way again.

But What Were You Wearing?

I don’t have much to say about this bit from the Tracey Ullman show except it’s perfect and illustrates the point that all kinds of people have been trying to make for years.

Whenever I talk about this, I feel like words completely fail me. When the whole Ghomeshi thing reached its frustrating end, I couldn’t find words to express what I wanted to say. Whenever I would think about it, the only sound I could make was a muffled scream. Thankfully I don’t find myself listening to people making statements that would cause me to want to speak up and disagree, only to find I couldn’t articulate a single word. But if I ever do again, maybe I’ll just send them to this bit.

You Just Sang What?

I mishear a lot of lyrics, or at least I used to. Now, before I embarrass myself, if I’m not sure of a lyric, I’ll cheat and google it.

So that’s why this little clip of Peter Kay massacring lyrics makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.

There are a few in here that I won’t be able to hear properly again, even though I know what they’re supposed to say. It’s kind of like when I was listening to an episode of Vinyl Tap full of misheard lyrics and someone thought Michelle by the Beatles said “Michelle, ma belle, Sunday monkey bum play piano song, play piano song.”

Or in “Help Me Rhonda”, I now hear “Since she put me down, there’s an owl droolin’ in my head.” although not as clearly as I did the first time I heard it.

A lot of these are good, but I don’t know about the Shania Twain one.

Good luck unhearing these, mwa ha ha ha ha!

What Are You Doing? I’m Confessing To A Crime, What Does It Look Like I’m Doing? Go Back To Bed

Not many details here, but this sort of effort is a clear sign that you’re either in the fuck it, I don’t care anymore and am about to retire from the life of crime phase or that maybe it’s an I never really wanted this job in the first place thing.

Barrie police say a thief was nabbed by officers after he stopped to wash his hands inside a home.
They say a man woke up last night to find a stranger in his home, washing up.
When asked what he was doing, the suspect said he was cleaning up after siphoning gas from vehicles on the property — so the homeowner called police.

I know we regularly make fun of people for lying about their motivations and that generally speaking honesty is the best policy, but come on, man. At least try.

A 53-year-old man now faces several charges including break and enter and theft under $5,000. If past performance is an indication, I’m sure he’ll be launching a vigorous defense any day now.

And If That Doesn’t Work, I’ll Find A Payphone, Make A Call And Buy Every Printing Press In Town!

Joseph Talbot has spent the entirety of his 43 years on this planet blissfully unaware of what an internet is or how it might work. I don’t know this for sure, but when it comes to explaining why, here in 2017, Talbot would spend well over $1200 of his own money buying copies of a local weekly newspaper so that people wouldn’t be able to read about his drunk driving arrest, that’s about all I can come up with.

Talbot, who has spent the last 20 years in a coma or something, took the drastic step after already catching an extra charge with his DWI when he told officers that he didn’t want his picture taken because it would wind up in the paper.

Eventually his picture was taken and did obviously wind up in the paper…as well as on its website, whatever that is.

Reporters tried to contact Talbot for comment, but had to leave a message that has so far not been returned. Don’t worry though, I’m sure he’ll get right back to you as soon as he gets home and checks the tape.

Can You Tell Your Lossless Audio Ass From A Low Bitrate Hole In The Ground?

I listen to a lot of music and at various points in my life have spent time in recording studios and on the radio, so I have at least a decent sense of the differences between quality and garbage audio. I’ve also read and heard a small but vocal number of people bitching about how horrible MP3s and streaming services sound. Maybe to those folks they do, but to be honest it’s never been one of those things I’ve been horribly picky about unless something sounds objectively awful, like back when storage space was far more limited than it is now and everyone ripped their music in such poor quality that it sounded like it was being performed under water. that drove me nuts. But no matter what anyone says or what anyone tries to market their streaming or download service as being, for general everyday use, a middle of the road to highish bitrate MP3 sounds just fine. In fact, I doubt most people can even tell the difference between compressed and uncompressed music, within reason. If you think you can, why not head over here and get humbled by this quiz.

For each song, listen to all three samples and choose the one that you think is the highest-quality audio.

Doing it through my external computer speakers, I got one out of six absolutely correct. But I only completely screwed up once, choosing the lowest quality on an acapella version of Tom’s Diner. Every other time I struggled with two of the three choices and ended up picking the 320 K MP3 over the uncompressed WAV. I’m not alone, as it looks like 80.6 percent of those who answered all of the questions failed right along with me.

Overall, the majority of users failed this quiz. 29.7 percent of users got two right, while 25.8 percent got three right. Only 1.6 percent of users correctly identified all six WAV files, and only 4.5 percent got five correct.

So what does this all mean? It is hard to make too many conclusions — this wasn’t the most scientific of tests — but it seems clear enough that most listeners have trouble discerning between lossless audio and a high-quality mp3. Regarding Tidal’s HiFi option or Neil Young’s PonoPlayer, our quiz results suggest that most people would not be able to hear the difference in the higher quality audio they offer.

So to summarize, anyone who bitches about the sound of your playlist is either lying, a pain in the ass you should perhaps reconsider hanging out with or Neil Young.

If you feel so inclined, do let me know how you did and how much I suck and don’t truly appreciate music because I’m lame and deaf or some shit.

Is This Stolen Truck Stolen, Officer?

On some level, I’m pretty sure I understand what Adriana Salas was thinking. If I were driving around in a stolen truck, it sure would be nice to know whether or not the cops knew that I was driving around in a stolen truck. But there’s wanting to know and being dedicated to finding out, and that difference is where she loses me.

The arrest report states Salas showed up at the Sheriff’s Office and asked dispatchers if the truck she was driving was stolen.
A deputy arrived to speak with Salas, ran the truck information in a crime database and found it was reported stolen out of Jonesboro, according to the report.
The deputy read Salas her Miranda Rights and asked how she obtained the truck. Salas explained to the deputy she stayed in Jonesboro for a week with a friend. The two got into a fight and she stole his truck and headed to Fort Smith, the report states.
After explaining that, Salas slightly changed her story and told the deputy the truck wasn’t registered to her friend, but to another man, according to the report.
Salas continued explaining she showed up at the Sheriff’s Office because her cellphone died while traveling and once it was charged, she received a text message from the registered owner stating that the truck was reported stolen, the report also states.

Then, in a classic case of giving someone enough rope, the deputy asked if she’d like a chance to make a call so that she could sort this whole misunderstanding out. Salas declined the offer, stating that her friend wouldn’t be able to get in touch with the truck’s owner because they were asleep. How she knew this from 250miles away or why she would care considering the alternative I don’t know, but that’s what she said. Note: Yes, I do know. So do you.

She was taken into custody on suspicion of felony theft by receiving of more than $5,000 and at last word remained there in lieu of $7,500 bond.