We Sure Do Have A Lot Of Words Because We Can’t Hear Properly. What? I SAID WE SURE DO HAVE A LOT OF WORDS BECAUSE WE CAN’T HEAR PROPERLY!

I know there are all kinds of ways that language has evolved, but I had no idea how much of English resulted from so many of us needing hearing aids.

Next I want to see one of these detailing single words that came from the accidental mashing together of two different ones, like the time I meant to say either horrendous or atrocious and wound up inventing horotious, which Carin and I still use to this day.

A Graphic But Interesting Look At Tommy John Surgery

When you’re a baseball fan, you hear the words Tommy John surgery thrown around a lot. In some ways, you know how major it is. You know about the sometimes years long recovery time and how the success or failure of it quite literally means the world to a pitcher. You’ve seen how some guys are never the same when they come back while others return better than ever. But rarely do you see one described in this kind of detail. It’s completely riveting and full of insight on how difficult an operation it can be, but seriously, don’t read it while you’re eating. Just don’t.

He didn’t want a piece of the dead guy holding his elbow together. That’s all he asked.
Todd Coffey had resigned himself to spending the next year learning how to throw a baseball again. He had accepted the mind-numbing rehabilitation process after tearing his ulnar collateral ligament, the two-inch elastic band that had prevented the upper and lower bones of his right arm from flying apart when he pitched. He simply couldn’t stomach the new ligament coming from someplace other than his own body. “I think about it as a used car that has 40,000 miles on it,” Coffey said. “You don’t know what the previous 40,000 miles were like. I don’t know what it’s been through.”
He had spent his entire adulthood in baseball. Got married, had kids, fought his way to the major leagues, made his first million and a few more, played the hero and the goat. Now his elbow had popped, and it was fix it or be done. He was used to binary outcomes after spending nearly half his life as a relief pitcher. Ball or strike. Win or loss. Save the game or blow it. He knew nothing else. He didn’t want to know anything else. And here he was, at 31, with that career, that life, at risk, and the doctor wanted to reconstruct his elbow with a dead man’s tissue because Coffey’s own body didn’t have any to spare.

Someone Tries To Make Sense Out Of The Donald Trump Press Conference. Good Luck, Dude

So…that Trump press conference yesterday sure was something, eh? I don’t know *what* it was, but I feel reasonably safe calling it *something*. These next four years are going to be…holy christ how did this happen? Can someone be impeached before he officially takes office? Pretty sure the answer is no, which made sense until last November. May want to start working on that, whatever sensible parts of government still exist down there.

But anyway, that press conference. What a shitshow (pissshow?). Admonishing the media, congratulating himself for not making business deals, admitting that the Russians probably influenced the election but seeming A-OK with it, calling CNN fake news (ok so maybe he might kinda be on to something there)…it’s all enough to confuse even the most seasoned political watcher even though none of this bears much of a resemblance to politics. Thankfully Scott Feschuk is here to help us out/scare us the rest of the way to death by offering up this handy translation. What Donald Trump really meant at his press conference

It’ll be repeal and replace [on health care]. It will be essentially simultaneously. It will be various segments, you understand, but will most likely be on the same day or the same week, but probably the same day, could be the same hour.
(I think Trump just started a Dr. Seuss book:
Same day! Same hour!
Same day! Same week!
Your pre-existing condition
Means your prospects are bleak!
You may lose your health care Tuesday morn
Or closer to next Friday’s dawn
Or Wednesday in the afternoon
Your bankruptcy is coming soon!
Your coverage may abruptly lapse
Don’t let your cheery view elapse!
Your dad can fix your broken bone
With two sticks and some silicone!)

In case you’re wondering about that video at the top, the Christmas theme seemed appropriate because Trump really is the gift that keeps on giving. We keep getting shit we don’t want, but what can you do?

I’m Starting To Like Braun Strowman, Some People Need To Shut Up, The Rumble Could Be Fun And A Few Other Wrestling Things

I have nothing to say to start out, so let’s just get right into it.

1. You had no issue with the Bayley/Goldust angle/tribute to Dusty Rhodes on Raw.

Not at all. It was heels getting heat, which is and should always be their job, no matter how many moms complain about the big meanies not being nice to their kids at shows or how many perpetually offended Twitter warriors prattle on and on about how awful every slightly controversial thing is. That second group, by the way, seems to somehow also be made up of a lot of the same people who won’t shut up about how much better WWE would be if only they’d ditch the PG crap and go back to the Attitude Era. You know, the time full of cursing and beer drinking and gang wars and race-baiting and nearly naked women and porn stars and threatened penis amputations and…you get the picture. If a dude decapitating a teddy bear legitimately bothered you because of the symbolism I’ll do my best not to judge you, but I have to assume that if you found that to be in poor taste, you weren’t around when Eddie Guerrero died, or when Bruiser Brody was murdered, or for just about everything involving the Von Erichs, or even all those times in the old days when somebody would die after a match and they’d trot out the other guy and talk about how vicious and dangerous he was since he may or may not have just killed a dude by being big and strong. That last sentence isn’t me defending any or all of those things, by the way. I’m simply pointing out that this business with the bear is pretty low on the scale of arguably shitty things that have gone on in wrestling. To me the most offensive thing about the angle is that poor storytelling trivialized it. Why weren’t Goldust (Dusty’s son) and Truth out for blood? They got their asses kicked in like a minute later on in the show and we’ve heard nothing about it since. If you’re going to use the dead for heat, at least make it mean something.

2. You are excited for WWE to reunite the Shield.

Not really. I’m sure if they do it’ll be fun and make for some great matches like it did the first time around, but I can’t say I’m clamoring for it in a please take my money kind of way. That I’ll hopefully be able to save for day two, which is to say that reuniting them is the easy part, it’s what comes next that’s important. But I am a little excited to see how the crowds react. How long will it take them to forget that they’re always supposed to boo Roman Reigns no matter what he does?

3. The latest attempt to push Braun Strowman is going well.

Funny, I was just talking about this on Twitter, so let’s save me some time. And yes, I know there’s a typo in the first one.

One thing I didn’t mention there is that whether or not he’s all that good yet, it’s nice to see WWE trying to push someone as an unstoppable, scary monster again. I’m not saying we need to go back to the days when the place was full of them, but having a few guys who are booked to be legitimate threats is refreshing after sitting through the years long parade of 50-50 go nowhere geeks that’s been WWE TV for the better part of a decade now. Oh, and I’m almost ready to never call him Yawn Slowman again even though it still makes me laugh.

4. Who do you think will win the Royal Rumble?

I have no idea, and that’s a good thing. I like it when it’s an open field and it seems like more than one or two people have a legitimate shot. But if the question is what might I like to see, my pick is Chris Jericho. Keep the belt on Kevin Owens right up through Mania and build to the big confrontation between the best friends. They’ll have a good match no doubt, and Owens can win in the end and hopefully by then establish himself as an actual worthwhile champion.

5. Sasha Banks will be better off as a heel.

Everyone wants to cheer her even though this babyface run hasn’t been anything special, but she was pretty fantastic as a heel in NXT at times so I’m gonna go yes.

6. What’s your current excitement level for the Royal Rumble?

The Rumble has been one of my favourite shows of the year going back to when I was a kid, so that alone bumps it up a little. And so far WWE is doing a decent job of making it feel important and just unpredictable enough that I actually feel myself looking forward to watching it, which hasn’t been the case with one of their PPVs since I don’t even know.

The Earth Is Round, It’s The Campsite That’s Flattened

If you had to guess, which side of a the earth is flat vs. no, it’s round argument would you pick to be the one that got so worked up over the issue that it was moved to chuck a propane tank into a campfire?

If you chose the dunderhead who still thinks here in the 21st century that it’s flat, congratulations, you and I think alike. And guess what. We’re both wrong.

Police said a 56-year-old Brockville man was at a campsite with his son and his son’s girlfriend when the woman began insisting that the Earth is flat.
The older man insisted the Earth is round.
It’s not clear if anyone at the campfire put forth the argument that the Earth’s equatorial bulge makes it not perfectly round, but instead a shape known as an oblate spheroid.
Nevertheless, police said the man became so enraged he began throwing objects into the campfire, including a propane cylinder.
Brockville firefighters were called to put out the campfire.

By the time police arrived, the man had left the area. Assuming he hasn’t walked off the edge and now finds himself floating eternally in a void of nothingness or somesuch, he will most likely be charged with mischief when located.

Hail Mary, Full Of…Uh, Guys? Is She Supposed To Be Full Of Those Things?

These songs, as you may have noticed, are just a tiny bit different. But while this observation did not get bye you, the same cannot be said for the person responsible for printing up the lyric sheets for this year’s Catholic Joy to the World Festival.

A Christmas carol service in the Sri Lankan capital of Colombo has accidentally printed out the lyrics to late rapper Tupac Shakur’s ‘Hail Mary’ in its programme instead of the 15th century Catholic prayer. 
The mix-up occurred at the 2016 Catholic Joy to the World Festival at the city’s Nelum Pokuna Theatre during one of Sri Lanka’s largest Christmas celebrations earlier this month.
Instead of finding the words “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee/blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb”, the carol singers were invited to reflect on the 1997 song’s themes of mortality, violence and sex and whether they wanted to “ride or die.”

If it hasn’t happened already, somebody please find a way to mash these up. It would make things so much easier next year.

The Case Of The Cursing Hatchimals

I wish the headline on this article hadn’t given away what I was supposed to be listening for, because I think it has me hearing something that may not be as clear as it would have sounded otherwise.

Below you’ll find two videos from two different customers who claim that the Hatchimals they bought are sleepcursing them. Do you hear what they hear? I think you might be able to make a case for it, but it’s iffy enough that it’s almost certainly not intentional and again, the story I linked gives it away right out of the gate which I’m not doing so as not to taint your opinion the way mine was.

Nick Galego, a father in Canada, shared a video on Christmas of his son’s Hatchimal possibly saying “fuck me.”

The phrase is hard to make out — and certainly sounds quiiiite a bit like a sigh, followed by the word “me” — but Galego is “pretty sure” of what he heard.
“I’m pretty sure it says ‘fuck me,’” Galego told CTV Vancouver Island.
His wife, Sarah Galego, also said she heard it. Still, they plan on keeping their son’s beloved toy because he hasn’t noticed the alleged dirty phrase.
“If he was a little bit older we might be more offended about it,” she said.

A spokesperson for Spin Master, the company responsible for unleashing these things, says that they’re not swearing out of the box, but communicating in their own language of noises, snores and shivers. Of course that’s what a spokesperson for Spin Master would say, but I think she’s telling the truth especially because she went on to admit that it’s not impossible to make them swear if you want to by using the learn to talk feature that allows you to record sounds and have your hatchimal repeat them at random. So yes, I know what you’re all doing when you’re done here.

A Motown Tribute To Nickelback

This is from an actual album that you can actually buy from the Postmodern Jukebox folks, who we’ve featured here before.

The brainchild of NYC pianist/arranger Scott Bradlee, A Motown Tribute to Nickelback offers an alternative take on Nickelback’s recorded legacy by painstakingly converting the Canadian modern rock band’s entire oeuvre into authentic Motown styles of the 1960’s and 70’s. A Motown Tribute to Nickelback rose to prominence in November of 2011, in response to an internet petition protesting Nickelback’s scheduled performance at the Detroit Lions’ Thanksgiving Day halftime show. The band’s debut video, a tambourine-heavy cover of “How You Remind Me,” quickly achieved notoriety on the internet as a means to satisfy both Nickelback fans and anti-fans. The band has been featured in media outlets such as The Huffington Post, the Village Voice, and the Vancouver Sun, and was described as “killer” on Nickelback’s official Twitter feed.

Here’s a tracklist, even though you’ve probably already clicked buy.

Far Away
Savin Me
Gotta Be Somebody
How You Remind Me

Happy New Year. Have Some Wrestling Talk

I’m in the mood to talk some wrestling today and reading through these there seem to be some interesting topics that I might just have some opinions on, so let’s have at it.

Kevin Owens’ run as Universal Champion has been a disappointment.

It has, but that’s not his fault. Kevin Owens has pretty much been my favourite thing in WWE since he’s been there. Great wrestler, great talker, great comedic timing. Just about the only thing that isn’t great about him is the way they’re booking him. I’m so over the management’s chosen champion story. It only ever worked once (Stone Cold and Vince McMahon), and that was 20 years ago. And if we’re being completely honest, even that one went on far too long. I’m to the point now where I’m absolutely hating what I know are good matches before they even start because I know how they’re going to end. Somebody’s going to interfere and either cause a stupid DQ or cheat to help the hapless champ win, or nobody’s going to interfere and the guy holding the most important championship in the company is going to get beaten like a drum because he doesn’t deserve to be champion and they have to make sure we know that. At some point WWE totally lost site of how to book a good heel. Back in the day there were absolutely undeserving heels, but the thing about them was that sometimes they won on their own, which served two purposes. It made you angry because you always thought that this would be the night your guy finally kicked that fucker’s ass, and it also made it clear that even though you didn’t like the guy, you had to take him seriously because even though he probably shouldn’t have been the champ, he was just deserving enough to be in the spot he was in and your guy would have to work to beat him. The way things work now, nobody’s really getting upset at bad guy Kevin Owens for always managing to escape. We’re booing because after doing our best to invest ourselves into a story it always ends with the same old shit, just like it has for decades now.

WWE needs to keep Charlotte and Sasha Banks separated for a long time.

Before I say yes, I need to tell a few fans to fuck the hell off. WWE gives you feuds that don’t last long enough for anyone to possibly care about them and you bitch. Then they give you something that goes on for the better part of a year, produces basically nothing but good matches…and you bitch about that too. Seriously, go die. Or if you don’t want to do that, go find something else to watch. WWE does a lot of things worth complaining about, but when they actually get something right it won’t kill you to give credit where it’s due.

But yes, we need to give Charlotte and Sasha a rest for a while. Once you’ve had an Iron Man Match, there’s nowhere else to go. It’s time to give someone else a crack at the belt and to start telling whatever Sasha’s redemption story is. Like any good rivalry you’ll be able to come back to it down the road, but for now it needs to take a break before it stops being fun.

What is your level of excitement regarding the WWE United Kingdom Championship title & tournament.

I’m definitely looking forward to it. Yes it’s more damn wrestling to watch, but when it’s good wrestling it hardly seems like a burden, and I’m sure this is going to be good. The UK is becoming an awesome wrestler factory, pumping out guys like Marty Scurll, Will Ospreay, Zack Sabre Jr. and so many others. I’m absolutely interested in seeing some of the other names here that I’ve heard but haven’t watched yet and to see who of the lesser known names might be a star waiting to happen. Plus it’s not as though it’s costing me any extra, so bring it on.

Total Nonstop Deletion was an amazing episode of Impact.

I don’t know because with the holidays and such I haven’t had a chance to watch it, but when I do I bet I’m going to have fun. The reason I left this one in is so that I’d have an excuse to tell anyone who thinks that there’s no good left in TNA to give this Hardys stuff a try. It’s weird, it’s hilarious, it’s different and it’s absolutely not going to be for everyone, but if you’re feeling down about wrestling and need something to remind you that it can be fun in ways you never would have expected, track down some videos and see what happens. Here, I’ll get you started.

Tye Dillinger should make his main roster debt in the Royal Rumble, at #10.

I believe that’s supposed to say debut. No matter, because whatever it’s supposed to say, the answer is yes. If he doesn’t, I may just quit. It doesn’t even have to be the start of a full-time main roster run. Truth be told, I may even be fine with him appearing year after year in the same position as a running gag. Come on, compared to most of WWE’s comedy, that’s brilliant.

Well hey. We get to end on a good note for once. How about that. I still have another set of questions to look at, so maybe I’ll be back soon to do this again. But on the other hand, maybe if you’re still in need of a New Year’s resolution, it should be to not hold your breath.

The Ten Worst WWE PPV Matches Of 2016

‘Tis the season for retrospectives on the year that was, so since now and then they’re actually entertaining and because they’re easy to post when you’re having trouble waking up like I am this morning, here’s one for the wrestling fans.

Seems like a pretty solid list, even though I didn’t hate the Asylum Match as much as a lot of folks did. And I’ve gotta be honest, I have literally zero memory of match number one. Like none. I’d totally forgotten about number ten, but at least it immediately came back to me once they started talking about it. Number one? Nope. They’re clearly making it up just to see if we’re paying attention.