Oct 25 2014

No, This Isn’t A Scene From A Movie

Here’s a video describing the final exchange of fire between the ottawa shooter and the Sergeant-at-Arms.

So I guess this is why there were pictures going around on Twitter saying “Don’t mess with the Sergeant-at-Arms.” Yeah I’ll say. Holy crap! He’s some kind of gun ninja!

I feel sorry for the librarian…that must have been just a smidge freaky, here comes a bullet, right into your desk.

Yeah, no question about that, that gunman wasn’t gettin’ up.

Oct 24 2014

Everybody Get Your First-Aid Certifications

I saw this story detailing the efforts of people trying to save the fallen soldier at the war memorial, and it was very powerful, not only for the obvious reasons, that these people ran into danger to try to help. But it also drove home the point that everybody who was trying to help him had first-aid training, so worked as an efficient team, and knew what to do. Sure, he didn’t make it, but at least they gave him the best chances he could have, a lot better than he’d have with a panicking, dithering mass of confused folks. This reminded me that I should really update my first-aid, again, and find a way to have it not just be a dim memory, because you really never know when you might need it.

I still can’t get over the senselessness of it all, and I think about the honour guards back on duty there today. In their heads they probably know it’s not going to happen again…but…shiver.

Oct 24 2014

Jesus Take The Meal

One of the more creative dine and dashes I’ve seen comes out of Lawton, Oklahoma. Well, I guess it’s not as much a dine and dash as it is a dine and sit there hoping for the best, but you know.

Police say Kristi Rhines ordered several alcoholic drinks and food at El Chico in Lawton but later said she had no way to pay for them. She told managers her husband was on his way to pick up the tab. 
When asked about her husband, she told them she was legally married to Jesus Christ, but had no marriage license. She also told management that Jesus would be able to walk in and produce U.S. currency to pay for her bill.

The Lord, either because he was busy answering the prayers of others or doesn’t exist, was a no show.

Rhines, who’s bank balance I’m guessing must have been option 2, was subsequently booked into the Lawton City Jail on a fraud charge.

Oct 24 2014

Great Big Sea Did Not Write Run Runaway

If you live in Canada and listen to music at all, you probably know who Great Big Sea is. And even though it’s not one of their most popular songs, you’ve probably heard that cool Run Runaway song they do.

Yeah. that one.

Now what if I were to tell you that it isn’t actually Great Big Sea’s song?

I’m sure some of you would be all like “yeah dude, it’s Slade. Know you nothing about music, you fool?” But I’ll bet a lot of you, like me, would react more along the lines of “what the…who the…this is…what’s a Slade?”

A Slade is a British band that I’d never heard of even though it has been around in some form or other since the mid 60s and continues to this day. They’re cited as an influence by all sorts of bands I do know, which only deepens the mystery of how I fail to know who they are.

Here’s their version of Run Runaway, recorded in 1983. It’s pretty good in its own right.

Mind still blown, though.

Oct 24 2014


Happy birthday, Gill!


At three minutes after six this morning I joined a club belonged to many before me, and many yet to come. I hit a milestone birthday, I turned 35. Big deal? To some it’s yuck, but to me it’s not too shabby.

It’s All Greek To Me

To understand this a little better we must travel back to the summer of 1979. Donna Summers sat at the top of the charts, Jr. had yet to be shot on Dallas, and my parents and I took a trip. I don’t remember it, but later my parents presented slide shows of their, and in some respects my Greek adventure. They took the now out of business Ward air, and I provided in flight entertainment. Since there wasn’t the technology to have movies I did the kick shimmy, the mommy feet on the bladder dance, and so much more.

The Day Before I was Born

I was supposed to be born November 4th, but like I do now pre-birth me lacked much of an attention span. On October 23 1979 my mom taught her 5th-graders as usual, went home, had dinner, and settled in for a night of TV and paper grading. She went to bed around eleven, but at eleven-thirty she wasn’t feeling right, and asked my dad to take her to the hospital.

Welcome To The World

It was just over six hours until I entered the world, but something wasn’t right with me. When the doctor in attendance shone the light in my eyes according to my mom I did not respond. Two days after I was sent on to a bigger hospital, and the diagnosis of a vision problem was made.

Scary Weather

My dad at the time ran a business in which he owned six orchards, but on the day I was born a freak blizzard rolled in, and all picking stopped for three days.


So far my friends out there my sister, more about her in future writings, called me up as she was getting ready for work, and if anyone asks, I still don’t feel older.

Oct 23 2014

Me Stick Song In Head!

Ok, now I’ve done it, talking what looks like nonsense about Ook Ook under this post. Now I have to go put up the song. I was hoping to read some story about someone doing something stupid with fire and then use the song as a soundtrack, but that opportunity hasn’t presented itself. So this’ll do.

I don’t know why, but this song makes me laugh really hard, and I sing it over and over again. Hopefully it gets stuck in your head too.

Paul and Storm, you’re hilarious.

Oct 23 2014

Go Jump Off Something High. No Really, It’s Your Best Chance

When you live high up in a building like we do (16th floor of a 20 storey building), now and then your mind tends to wander to places you wish it wouldn’t. Places like the one where everybody gathers to wonder hey, if this thing ever goes up in flames, how are we getting out unroasted?

Thankfully, there may soon be an answer to that question that doesn’t involve the words you aren’t, and what sort of BBQ sauce do you figure goes best with Dave?

It’s called the Evacuator, which may or may not be a nod to what my bowels will be doing should I ever find myself in a situation where it would come in handy.

Installed near windows in skyscrapers, this custom-built device houses a simple cable and pulley system. In the event of an emergency, occupants simply climb into the Evacuator’s harnesses and slowly lower themselves down the side of the building. It looks almost exactly like repelling, except the rate of descent is controlled. This is a good idea, especially since you can count on people evacuating a burning building being a little bit panicked.

So far it can only work on structures that are less than 1000 feet high, and for now the makers are only targeting it to customers who work in places like construction sites or oil rigs. But it’s still nice to know that one day there might be an easier way out of here.

Oct 22 2014

No, Parliament Should Not Sit Today

Obviously, we’re totally shocked by all of the insanity going on on Parliament Hill today. Hopefully all of our Ottawa friends are safe and doing well.

But whether or not everyone is safe and sound, Parliament should not sit today as Michael Chong is suggesting.

Wellington-Halton Hills MP Michael Chong says he wants Parliament to sit today as scheduled in spite of the shooting on Parliament Hill.
Speaking in a phone interview, from his locked-down Ottawa office, Chong said: “I think it’s important that we do not close Parliament” over the episode.
Chong said failing to sit in Parliament today, as scheduled, at 2 p.m., would send a message to people like the shooter(s) that actions like this can disrupt this democracy.
“I think it’s important to send the message to people like that that you won’t stop a democracy,” said Chong.

I get the sentiment. I think it’s nuts, but I get it. We do need to be strong in the wake of situations like these. Life must, and will, go on. But as well as strong, we must also be safe. As I type this, we know for sure that one suspect is dead, but there seems to be a real possibility that there are more than one. As far as I’m concerned, that’s more than enough reason to shut things down for the day. Believe me, Question Period is not that important to anyone. The last thing we need is another tragedy today. And no, I don’t mean Question Period.

Be safe, everyone.

Oct 21 2014

I Thought An Artisanal” Ice Cube Was A Popsicle

Dear god. Please tell me that people are not seriously willing to pay an extra dollar to have a bartender plunk an “artisanal” ice cube into their drinks.

A Manhattan will set you back $14 at forthcoming downtown restaurant and bar Second State. Want it on the rocks? That will be a dollar more—for a total of $15.
The Pennsylvania-themed spot, which is set to open in the former Mighty Pint space at 1831 M St. NW on Oct. 21, will be the first place in D.C. with an ice surcharge listed on its cocktail menu. (Most bars eat the cost or build it into the price of the drink.) Granted, these are no freezer-burned, generic tray cubes. This is the fancy, unclouded artisanal stuff from D.C.’s boutique ice company, Favourite Ice, founded by local bartenders Owen Thomson and Joseph Ambrose. Second State bartenders will chip off the eight corners for a more spherical shape that sits in the glass like an iceberg.
“It’s worth it,” says bar manager Phil Clark. “When it goes into a cocktail, it’s crystal clear. It’s purified water, so there’s no minerally taste.”

Jesus Christ.

The only way I’m paying these dickheads any money for frozen water is if I get a douche lord on board bumper sticker I can slap on the back of my Big Wallet, Small Penismobile with every purchase.

Oct 21 2014

Canadian Tire Has An Accessible Flyer

This morning I stumbled into the discovery that Canadian Tire has a screenreader accessible flyer. Go to this link, give it your postal code and you’re pretty much in business.

Unlike some of the others we’ve talked about here, you don’t have the option of skimming through the entire flyer. You’re browsing it either by category or by brand. I was ready to be annoyed by this because I’m one of those people who often doesn’t know I’m looking for something until I find it so like to have everything laid out right in front of me, but it quickly became obvious why they did it that way and why it’s not a bad idea. Clicking on house and home produced something like 25 pages and well over 300 sale items. Nobody wants to scroll through that many tents in the damn camping section when all they want is an extension cord, so it’s nice to have things broken down into somewhat digestible chunks.

It’s pretty simple to navigate, too. Each item begins with a graphical link that tells you what it is, so just use G or whatever the next graphic command is in your screenreader of choice to quickly move between them. And if you find something you want, there’s a buy online link down below the sale price info. I’ve never bought anything from their website so I can’t speak to the simplicity or lack thereof of the process, but that could come in extremely handy especially with Christmas coming up.

About the only thing missing is an email newsletter to poke you when the new flyer comes out. I like those, because I’m forgetful. Out of sight out of mind, as the saying goes. But beyond that, they seem to have done a pretty nice job.

Thank you, Canadian Tire.

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