How Many Naked, Drunken Burglars Does It Take To Unscrew Some Light Bulbs?

I’ve been sitting here for about the last five minutes trying to figure out what this fella’s plan might have been. Maybe the fireplace poker is a weapon. Sensible enough. Maybe you unscrew the light bulbs so that if your intrusion is detected they can’t get a look at you, buying you some time to get away. Clever. But the rest of this? Nope. Even if I were capable of Mensa level mental gymnastics, I think I’d still be stumped.

According to Dixon police, Joel E. Gartman, 52, of Dixon, tore open a screen in the back of a house in the 200 block a wee bit before midnight.
Not yet naked, Gartman crawled through the window, unscrewed some light bulbs, and, in an unusually courteous mood for a burglar, took off his shoes.
He grabbed three “alcoholic beverages” from the refrigerator and strolled through the house, drinking them.
Gartman then encountered a person sleeping on a couch, decided taking off just his shoes wasn’t enough, and stripped. He sat down next to the sleeping homeowner, fireplace poker in hand.
The homeowner woke up, realized that no, this was not a dream, and fled upstairs to wake the home’s other resident.

The story goes on to say that Gartman tried and failed to hide while still naked, and was soon arrested.

So if being hit with a slew of charges including residential burglary, criminal trespass to a residence, misdemeanor criminal damage to property, theft and disorderly conduct was his plan all along, congratulations on a job well done, I guess.

I Have A Hard Enough Time With Cold Dr. Pepper. Who Are These People Heating It UP?

Who am I to argue with Dick Clark, but nobody ever actually drank hot Dr. Pepper in real life, did they? Please tell me nobody ever did that. It cannot possibly be a thing that ever caught on outside of maybe a mental institute or two. It just can’t. Barfity barf barf.

Big Red Marks

There’s only one thing about any of this here that surprises me. They still make Big Red? I remember having some when I was maybe 10 years old on a visit to Michigan, but I don’t think I’ve thought or heard about it since. Nice to hear it’s still around. It was decent enough, as I recall.

Responding to a call in the 200 block of E. Wichita, officers spoke with a witness who told officers that her dad’s girlfriend had struck him in the head with a metal pipe over an argument about a half-empty Big Red soft drink that needed to be thrown away.
Officers spoke with the victim, who told them that he and his live-in girlfriend had gotten into the argument about the half-finished soda when Sanders went into the victim’s room and began beating on the walls and destroying the room.

Not wanting his room to be destroyed, the victim pushed upon the unlocked room door to find the suspect swinging a white metal pipe at him. The victim stepped back a couple of times before being struck in the head with the pipe. The victim told the officer that Sanders kept swinging the pipe, striking him again on his right hand.

NVDA 2020 User Satisfaction Survey

NV Access has posted an extremely short survey to get a sense of the level of satisfaction its users have with the NVDA screen reader. There are only three questions. One asks you to rate how likely you are to suggest NVDA to others, one asks if you’re using it primarily for accessibility testing and the other allows you to explain in as much or as little detail as you would like why you rated the software the way you did on the scale. It shouldn’t take you long at all unless you decide to write a novel. You can go here to take the survey.

One Of The Greatest Things Impact Has Ever Done

My god, the throwback show they did back around American Thanksgiving was so so so so so so so so fantastically hilarious and fun. If you hated it because everybody was out of their normal characters, the whole thing was super ridiculous and you felt like it made a mockery of wrestling I understand, but if you grew up on wrestling from 30 or 40 years ago and aren’t one to always take everything too seriously, you’re probably going to enjoy this. Even if some of the references are a little too inside for you, there should still be enough for you to pick up on and have a good time with. I’m not sure how they could ever pull off a second one or even if they should try, but I’m so happy they did it once.

Also, I wish I’d thought of using the name Ray Strack back in my prank phone call making days.