Your Vehicle, Which Art In Our Living Room. Damaged Be Thy Frame

Whether she was praying too hard or not hard enough is a debate for another day, but it’s pretty clear that this woman’s deity of choice might be trying to tell her to change up her methods a little.

A 28-year-old woman was taken to the hospital for evaluation after driving into a Mary Esther house Thursday morning.
The woman told Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office deputies she was praying at the time and had her eyes closed, according to the OCSO.

The Fort Walton Beach woman was traveling eastbound on Marcia Drive when she failed to stop at a stop sign, went through an intersection and into the yard of a home on Miramar Drive.

The woman, who’s name has not been released, was cited for reckless driving with property damage.

Nobody in the house was injured, thank someone you might pray to but hopefully with your eyes open and focused where they’re supposed to be.

Deeply Dippy

Usually it’s nice to see people working together to solve a problem. But when that problem is our no good friend soiled the hallowed halls of our home with cheese dip so now must be stabbed, not so much.

Tucker and Jackson, in who's home you never want to have an oopsie.
According to police, the incident happened late Saturday night at Winchester and Millbranch, not far from the airport. The 35-year-old victim was with Tucker and Jackson when she apparently spilled some Rotel dip, police said.
The two women began arguing, police said, when Jackson gave Tucker a knife. She stabbed the victim, who fled in her car to try to reach the hospital.

She didn’t make it, crashing the car on the way likely due to her having just been stabbed over floor dip. She did eventually get to the hospital with assistance and was listed in critical condition.

41-year-old Yolanda Tucker and 43-year-old Albert Jackson have each been charged with aggravated assault.

You Might Feel A Small Prick In Your Mouth

Right now I’m in the market for a dentist with an office closer to where I live than my current one because it’s getting to be a pain in the ass to have to go out of town every time, but maybe it’s not such a big deal. I’ve been going there for as long as I can remember. They know me. I know them. We trust each other. Perhaps I should just accept those day trips as a fact of life and suck it up. Wait…perhaps that was a poor choice of words, and perhaps my reconsidering the dentist search is just a temporary thing that’ll go away once I have a chance to forget about this.

Bilal Ahmed of Rockville, Md. was in Superior Court of the District of Columbia Thursday on a charge of first-degree sexual abuse of a patient or client after he allegedly forced the patient to perform oral sex during the procedure. 
On May 22, 2014, the documents say the patient was at Ahmed’s dental practice, Universal Smiles, at 2311 M Street after complaining that he chipped a tooth while eating. During his visit, Ahmed told the patient that he would have to remove the tooth. The patient then insisted on Nitrous Oxide being used and Ahmed, 43, told him that his insurance did not cover the use of the gas and he would have to cover the cost himself, according to the documents. 
The patient told investigators that when he received the gas a male dental assistant was present in the room, the documents say. 
The patient later woke up and noticed that his mask was partially off his face and described feeling something in his mouth, the documents said. He then noticed Ahmed’s penis was in his mouth, according to the documents. 
Ahmed then escorted the patient to the recovery room and the patient left Ahmed’s office two hours latter, charging documents say.

There’s something funny about the name Universal Smiles. Just me?

Anyway, for reasons unexplained (He wanted to see about a second date?), Ahmed is said to have called the unnamed patient several times following the incident. During one of the calls which was recorded by police, Ahmed reportedly admitted guilt, telling him that he was not crazy and not hallucinating.

Creepy.

After the hearing, Ahmed was released under what was described as “high-intensity supervision” pending his next court appearance.

I don’t know how to end this, so I’m just going to go not look for a dentist a little more.

A Republican Debate In Song


This is a bit old, like there were more Republican Presidential candidates than Donald Trump old, but I like it. Some impressive use of Autotune here.

And yes, “We need brain” is something Trump actually said. “We need brain in this country to turn it around.”

If America has brain, he won’t win.

OKStupid


I’m not familiar with Mike Bobrinskoy, but if the rest of his stuff is as funny as this story about someone trying to scam him on OKCupid with the old I’m stuck in a foreign country and I need money trick, he might be worth getting to know.

God, I hope this is all true. It’s so ridiculous that it almost has to be, but you never know.

Access Earth: Crowdsourced Building Accessibility Information

Reading about this new Access Earth project, two thoughts crossed my mind.
1. This looks pretty swell and we should tell our wheelchair friends about it.
2. I wonder if Matt Wozenilek is still out there shaking folks down for cash instead of doing something productive like this to help everyone’s cause.

The platform was developed in 2012, after Matt McCann – who has cerebral palsy – had booked a hotel describing itself online as ‘wheelchair accessible’. On arrival, McCann found steps to the entrance and rooms too small for his rollator mobility aid, sparking both frustration and a desire to help prevent these situations for others.
McCann told e-Access Bulletin: “I knew that being a software engineer I could do something about this lack of specific accessibility information.”
The site’s database of venues across the globe is currently split into four categories, covering places to eat and drink, places to sleep, shopping, and things to do. Users select a venue type and where around the world they want to search, before specifying accessibility criteria, such as step-free access, ground floor rooms, and accessible bathrooms.
Anyone can supply a venue accessibility rating, either by answering Access Earth’s ‘accessibility criteria’ or leaving a note: “This could be something like ‘the elevator is currently out of order’, or directions to the accessible bathrooms,” McCann said. “By keeping the access information up-to-date, we can ensure people have the most accurate information available to them.”
Users can also add and rate a new venue if it isn’t already on the database, as well as sharing information and tips with other users.

My God, These Olympics

Before a lot of Olympics start, it’s pretty much inevitable that you’ll hear stories about all the problems plaguing the host city. Construction projects running behind, rights violations in the name of corporate sponsorship, mistreatment of workers and citizens, multi-million dollar budget shortfalls that seem to take everyone involved by surprise…all kinds of fun stuff. So it’s no great shock that the news lately has been filled with less than rosy coverage of this year’s Rio games. Perhaps we shouldn’t even pay attention to it. I mean it’s always nothing but doom and gloom and then somehow, miraculous things happen and all the trouble disappears until what looks to be a seamless couple weeks of international competition are over. After that everyone goes into years of crippling debt, but what can you do, right? AT least nothing fucked up the hammer throw.

But perhaps we should pay attention this time, because something feels different. I mean Jesus you guys, just look at this list. I knew things were bad, maybe worse than I’ve ever seen them. But I didn’t know things were quite *this* bad. Here are all the things you can read about if you click there, complete with links to further reading if it’s not already depressing enough for you.

  • The dead mascot
  • The dead skydivers
  • The dead bikers (Cyclists killed when a brand new bike path collapsed.)
  • Security guards caught stealing
  • Beached, disembodied limbs (Human ones, of course.)
  • Unfinished construction
  • Oil in the water
  • Zika (Which sounds like the least of our worries by miles and miles and miles.)
  • Deadly super bacteria in the water
  • Poop in the water
  • More crime than ever
  • Disgruntled, unpaid cops
  • Hospitals running out of meds

All of this has me so torn. I want the Olympics to go well, because as much as there is wrong with the terrible, corrupt system surrounding them, I enjoy them. But maybe if we’re ever going to start changing that system, a good old fashioned flaming disaster on a scale such that all the money in the world can’t possibly cover it up is just what the doctor ordered. Well, that and some basic medical supplies. Those would be nice too.

Hopefully Nothing Is Blowing In The Wind

My brain just reminded me that there is at least one more colonoscopy song.

That right there is Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary. Yes, that Peter, Paul and Mary.

I know it’s July and therefore next to nobody is reading this right now, but if you know of any more of these things, do drop us a line.

That’s An Endoscope Up Your A

Carin left this in the comments under the Colon song I posted earlier.

Oh god that’ll be in my head all day. They have a better attitude about it than dear old Steve Goodie lol.

Oh hey, an extra post! Yay! Here’s the song she’s talking about.

Yes, he’s parodying Weird Al’s Horoscope song.

Ok, now I’m curious. Are there a lot of songs about colonoscopies? I know that everyone, their brother, their sister and a few third cousins has a stand-up routine about them, but I feel like music might be lagging behind, if you will.

Colon Is A Mighty Big River

So Bowser and Blue wrote another song about colons. I had no idea.

Finding info about it isn’t proving to be the easiest thing in the world, since most of what comes up in Google is just a bunch of people reposting it and even the entry for it on their own website is basically here, have a video. All I know is what it says in the YouTube description, that it’s been around since at least 2007 and it was written to encourage people to get themselves screened. I also know that that there chorus is going to be on repeat in my brain for a while.

“Wait wait wait,” I hear some of you saying. “What do you mean *another* song about colons?”

That would be this one. Chances are decent you’ve heard it somewhere but didn’t know who sang it.

I met these guys after a show once. They were super nice and we had a fun conversation. They even seemed to genuinely remember me when I emailed them about something years later. I was surprised. You should go see them if they’re playing anywhere near where you happen to be. You’ll have fun.