Brian? Trauma Centre. Trauma Centre? Brian.

It’s taken us 10 years, but we might finally have an answer to the Brian Persaud question, and I wasn’t even looking for it.

Story time. Years ago, somebody at work told me about as a good place to get answers to just about anything. I went there to read people’s suggestions for alternatives to CAPTCHAs, those squiggly lined letters and numbers that show up on websites that you have to solve to prove you’re not a robot. What did I call them back in the day, fucking blasted son of a bitch goddamn piece of shit graphical word verification thingies? Yes, those things. But I started receiving Quora digests, and for reasons I will never understand, they almost immediately started straying away from the technical, and going into things about interpersonal relationships. Then, they started going into medical issues. I have no idea what I did to cause this, I’m sure it’s something I may have done since the rest of my colleagues at work still receive informative posts about app and web development and the like. I do have to say that the answers on Quora are mostly very well-thought out and free of nasty trolls. Now, I almost always receive ones about doctors and hospitals and the like. I got one asking if MRIs are dangerous right before my MRI. Thanks, Quora, and…you’re creeping me out now.

Then, the other day, this thread showed up in my digest. The question? “Is it true all people involved in trauma get a rectal examination in the ER? If so, why?”

And here was the top answer.

We used to do this routinely in major trauma. ‘A finger and a tube in every orifice’ was the unofficial mantra of trauma evaluation, and a rectal exam was part of the secondary survey (the head-to-toe evaluation of a trauma patient, to look for any and all injuries). We even called rectal exams the “[major trauma center] handshake” and I know that phrase was used at at least 2 other major trauma centers (with the correct name substituted in, of course)
Why a rectal exam? First, as a sign of possible bowel injury — blood on rectal exam can be a finding if there is an intestinal injury. More so in penetrating trauma (shootings/stabbings) than blunt trauma (car accidents, falls). Second, as a way of evaluating the spinal cord — the muscles of the rectum are innervated by the lowest parts of the spinal cord.
From some who have asked, there is some debate about the utility of digital rectal examination in the trauma patient – for example, see…
At the academic trauma center where I work, rectal examinations are still done on patients who meet the criteria for calling in the trauma team. They are also often done on other trauma patients who don’t meet full trauma activation criteria. I cannot comment on whether or not this is still done on all trauma patients at all hospitals, but I know plenty of physicians who no longer routinely perform rectal exams on trauma patients.
I am amazed at the number of views/upvotes this answer has gotten. Who knew rectal exams would be such a popular topic?

It still doesn’t explain why they would sedate him to do the test, unless some of those spinal responses they’re looking for are involuntary, but at least it explains why a bonk on the head might lead to a finger up the other end.

Come See The Bankrupt Side Of Sears

If Sears Canada were a person I think that person would be a pedophile, because it sure seems to enjoy screwing little people.

First it was the frontline workers who couldn’t have the pensions they spent years earning because the best and the brightest had to be properly compensated for pulling the handle and directing the swirl, and now customers who spent hundreds of dollars on extended warranties to protect expensive appliances are being bullied by Scotiabank and collection agencies into continuing to pay for them even though they’re now worthless.

Mike Albani of Richmond Hill, Ont., bought four high-end kitchen appliances from Sears in September 2015 and took delivery in March 2016.
He said he was encouraged to buy a 48-month extended warranty, at a cost of $724.28 including HST, and that the salesperson told him if he didn’t use the warranty, the amount would be refunded in Sears gift cards when it expired.

At zero per cent interest, Albani decided he had nothing to lose and financed the total amount on his Sears credit card.
But then Sears announced it was closing its doors and informed customers they had to keep paying for extended warranties — even though they would not be honoured.

At the time, Sears assured CBC News that customers would be refunded for the cost of the extended warranties at the end of their financing term. 
“Monthly payments will remain the same, but the amount equivalent to future payments for protection agreements will be reduced at the end of the obligation,” a Sears spokesperson told CBC News by email on Oct. 9, 2017.
But Scotiabank, which now owns the Sears credit card accounts, is threatening to send Albani’s account to collections.

Albani said he’s willing to pay for the warranty for the seven months he owned the appliances while Sears was in business, and he wrote to Scotiabank on Oct. 31, 2017, enclosing a cheque for that amount. But he doesn’t believe he should have to pay  the remaining $618.48 for extended warranty coverage in the months after Sears went out of business. 
“[Scotiabank] suggested I could just pay this and the issue would go away,” he said. “The same with their collections company. They said, ‘Just pay the bill and it will be no more of a headache.'”

Scotiabank also suggested he and other impacted customers take it up with Sears, a suggestion that, while likely technically correct, would be much more reasonable if Sears A: wasn’t out of business and B: hadn’t lost at least one of its customer service numbers to somebody shilling Walmart gift certificates.

I’m sure I’m doing little more than whistling into the god damn wind here, but wouldn’t it be much more sensible and even honourable for Scotiabank to settle all of these accounts and then go after Sears itself to recover the hit? I imagine they’re in a better position to do something like that than are Holly in Dundee or Mike from Richmond Hill. That Sears is financially bankrupt doesn’t wash as a good excuse for Scotiabank to be morally so.

So Long To The Dynamite Kid

John Pollock of has done a very good story about the life of the Dynamite Kid. It’s hard to write about a life and career like his since Tom Billington was equal parts one of the most influential wrestlers of all time and complete fucking prick, but I think this is about as good a summary as a person could do without straying too far in one direction and downplaying the other.

The life of Tom Billington has ended. With 60 years to unpack, his story was one that was as punishing and brutal as the style he performed that left audiences in amazement while simultaneously accelerating his deterioration.
When the crowd disappeared, the money dried up, and the bill arrived for the price he put his body through, Billington was a broken down man, confined to a wheelchair before his 40th birthday. He found his passion and calling in professional wrestling, carving out a legacy that is both complex and disputed depending on the person you speak with.
Bret Hart once compared Billington to baseball legend Ty Cobb, a miserable and reprehensible human being who was also one of the great baseball players of all-time.
In his 1999 “Pure Dynamite” biography that he worked on with journalist Alison Coleman, Billington presented a dark and disturbing tale of his life with no stone left unturned and a refusal to sanitize the path he left behind. It was brutally honest. What set the book apart was its ability to force its readers into a state of discomfort, forcing them to sort out Billington’s legacy and complicated story.

For every classic match and death-defying maneuver Billington put forward, there were equal stories of torturous ribbing, bullying, maniacal pranks designed to cause harm over laughter, and constant tales of drug abuse and domestic violence.

There are also quite a few match and highlight videos throughout, in case you’ve never seen his work or would still like to relive it. The Life and Death of Tom “Dynamite Kid” Billington, dead at age 60

God Should Have Told Him Not To Do That

I suppose Justin Riley Brafford here probably didn’t exactly molest this poor woman in a purely technical sense, but it still falls under the category of gross, please don’t do that, so here’s the story.

The woman said Brafford “began to lean closer to her seat with his arm over her arm rest and on her leg” before he got closer to her and began “playing footsies” with her, according to the criminal complaint.
Brafford allegedly verbally harassed her, whispering “Don’t [expletive] with me,” after which a flight attendant agreed to change the woman’s seat.
Once the woman switched seats, the complaint says that Brafford approached her at her new seat. After the flight attendant gave Brafford a warning, Brafford allegedly began yelling at the flight attendant and hurling expletives.
The flight attendant said Brafford went from “zero to 60 in nano-seconds” and said he believed Brafford was “possibly on drugs,” according to the criminal complaint.

I’d say that’s a good bet, since he’s alleged to have told authorities on the ground that he was getting calls from god after recently using meth and overdosing on heroin.

But good news. If convicted of the charges of interfering with and intimidating members of a flight crew and flight attendants while on an aircraft and simple assault, he could have the better part of the next twenty years to dry out or at least to switch to a new substance of choice. I’ll bet there might even be a nice gentleman or two in there who wouldn’t mind playing footsies with him.

You Can’t Spell Christkindl Without Christ

It’s not every day I agree with church people on something, but it’s hard to argue with them here.

A controversy has surfaced from Kitchener’s Christkindl Market after a group of performers say they were silenced for talking about Jesus.
Pastor Jacob Reaume had to shout his message at the opening night of the market after his microphone was turned off by city staff.
“I thought it was probably an accident, some type of technical difficulty but then I looked around and realized, no this is intentional,” Reaume says.

Hey continued to say the microphone was cut off three times. Once during a German bible reading and twice when he was reading the story of Christ.
The city of Kitchener says the church group did not indicate it was going to be reading from scripture or be providing a sermon during their performance.

And they should have to indicate this because why, exactly? Especially if what they say is true and they gave the same performance last year. Not to mention that they’re representing a church, so what else could anyone have possibly been expecting them to do?

I get that we maybe don’t want to bombard people with nothing but super preachy religion when they just came to skate, drink hot chocolate and generally engage in the less church-laden version of Christmas, but no matter your belief system, I don’t think anyone has the right to expect that they can celebrate Christmas in public without smacking into just a little bit of Jesus along the way. He’s a bit of an important figure, you know.

As Opposed To What?

The Comedy Network says it will stream all 11 seasons of The Big Bang Theory, starting Saturday, Dec. 22. In the midst of its 12th and final season, the channel will air the series non-stop through the holidays, wrapping up on Sunday, Jan. 6.

I’m glad they announced this, because otherwise I would have had no idea that anything special was happening. Non-stop Big Bang Theory is pretty well all the Comedy Network does anymore.

I miss the days when you could flip to Comedy and no matter what time of day it was, there was almost always something decent on that you weren’t going to find anywhere else. Now it’s practically nothing but the same sitcoms everyone else is showing. If I do find something worthwhile there nowadays it feels more like an accident than anything else. It’s a shame, because Canada and the world are cranking out more than enough good comedy to fill a schedule.

And while I’m here, for the love of god, stop saying you’re “streaming” everything. I don’t know exactly when Bell made CTV start doing this, but it drives me nuts. You’re a damn TV station. If you’re putting stuff online that’s fine, but you are not streaming your programming through my old ass cable television. I’d be fine if they said something like watch it or stream it, but it’s all streaming all the time and it’s dumb.

Hey Google, It’s Time To Tweak The Background Noise Filter Again

Not sure about anyone else, but I’ve about had it with the new Best Buy commercials, the ones that say stuff like “hey Google, play my New Year’s playlist.” The damn things have set our living room Mini off at least four times already. And to make matters worse, it was four times in the same stupid night. Every single time it would try to play something on Spotify and we’d have to yell at it to make it stop. And it’s not just us. I was talking to brother Brad on the weekend and he said the ones where he works have been doing the same thing.

When I’m in charge, there’s going to be no more of this let’s intentionally try to trigger the technology business. If you slip a “hey Google” or whatever it is you say to Alexa into your commercials or radio station IDs, somebody is going to be legally obliged to hunt you down and kill you. End of discussion.

One Christmas Down

How’s everyone’s weekend going? Ours has been rather Christmasy.

Today we’re heading downtown to take in some of the Christkindl Market. Today is the last day, so if you haven’t been yet or want to go again, get moving. It’s open between 10 and 4 today. It’s a great way to get some unique Christmas shopping done and give yourself diabetes. I especially recommend the apple fritters and the schnitzel dinner, both of which Carin was lovely enough to pop in and bring home for us a couple of nights ago because it’s close to her office.

As for yesterday, we went to the first of the family Christmas parties. It’s nice to have them spread out this year instead of all in one big clump like usual. It was a lovely time (thanks Brad for having us), much of which I spent playing with the Seppa Tebby Tebby nephew. Apparently he was excited to see me.

“Are you going to uncle Brad’s today?”


“Is uncle Steve going to be there?”

“Let’s go wild!”

Nobody knows where that came from. I don’t think I’ve ever said that to him in his life. But hey, I’ll take being the let’s go wild uncle if it means I’m one of the fun relatives.

And fun we did have. We ate freezies together. We jumped around. We ran. We played with an airplane complete with pre pillow (I had him saying propeller by the end). We made every animal sound you can think of. We walked hand in hand in a giant circle around the house like 25 times saying hello to people including my dad, who decided to slap me on the ass every time we passed him. Don’t ask. These are my family. Just smile to yourself, say “that explains a lot” and move on. We sang songs. Boy were there songs. We were treated to such classics as Hickerary Dock, Humpty Dumpty Haggery Fall, and my personal favourite, Rassie In the Buppy In the Kitchen. I was able, somehow, to determine that that would be this:

There was also much Wheels On the Bus, including verses about lions, tigers, bears, and something that sounded like “the queer on the bus goes tutu ray.” Yup, we’re all just as lost as you are.

I even got to hear him swear for the first time! We’re all sat down to dinner and my sister realizes “shit, I forgot one of the presents!” And of course, of all the things to repeat, “Shit!” as loud and as clear as the day is long. We all nearly died. I didn’t know if I was going to wear Carin’s mouthful of stuffing or if she was going to choke on it, but what a time.

Next up is Christmas with Carin’s family, at least the parts of it that are going to be in the country. It will be smaller than usual, but there will be children, which means there will be fun. I’m sure one of us will be around to talk all about it.

Pay TV Comes To Canada. Canada Yawns And Goes ON With Its Day

I didn’t think I was going to post this report about Pay TV’s impending arrival in Canada in 1982, but then it got to the part about costs and complications. Basic cable service could cost you around $8 per month, I was informed as I did my best not to spit tea everywhere. And say what you want about complications (I do feel for the people with those newer, fancier TVs with the built-in converters), but none of this has anything on Telefirst.

Cable TV just isn’t cutting it any more when it comes to home viewing options for Canadians. Thanks to Anik C, the latest Canadian satellite to be launched, a batch of new movie channels (among them First Choice and Superchannel) are coming, and their promoters are pushing them hard. But there’s a recession on and a subscription doesn’t come cheap, ranging from $25 to $50 per month. In this 1982 report for CBC’s The National, a skeptical Terry Milewski demonstrates the hardware and hears the pitch from companies that stand to get rich from pay TV.

If you’re wondering how rich they got, the answer is they didn’t, at least not right away. Only half a million people signed up for the original services, which was about half of what they were hoping for on the low end.

The Sound Of Music

Why does nothing ever happen when somebody’s music starts playing in the middle of a wrestling match? I know they’ve been doing it forever especially in WWE, but it’s never made any sense. Shouldn’t it result in the opponent of the person being distracted getting disqualified? Why hasn’t the production guy who keeps doing it been fired? Or if he has, why have none of his replacements learned from his mistake? How big of a geek do you have to be to still be getting distracted by music, anyway? This has been going on for like 20 years and it happens at least once or twice on every show. I’m sure if you were in the ring the first, second or hell, even tenth or fifteenth time it happened it would have been a little unnerving, but at this point if you have no idea it’s coming, that’s your problem and you deserve to get rolled up and pinned while you stand there staring at the ramp as if you’re watching a completely unique situation unfold before your eyes, you incompetent buffoon. Seriously, have you never watched a show? Pay the fuck attention, dude! And since nobody can seem to come down to the ring unless their music plays, does that explain why none of the babyfaces ever run out to save their friends from a beating? Or do none of the babyfaces like each other anymore? Actually never mind, that’s probably it. The babyfaces in WWE do tend to act like bigger dicks than most of the heels, who seem to generally be a pretty friendly bunch. That part is at least logical, it’s just backwards. But this music thing, can we stop it now? It was kind of cool once in a while when Stone Cold would do it, but A: the key words there are once in a while, B: nobody in the present day is going to be mistaken for Stone Cold Steve Austin and C: I’m pretty sure the last time Stone Cold wrestled an actual match we were still a few months away from having a blog.