WWE No Mercy Predictions

Well what do ya know, the Leafs actually won a game! It was even a shutout, who’d have thought? I was starting to think they’d never do it. This makes the season record 1-1-2. I know we’re only a week into the season and it’s probably way too early to judge these things but when I watch the Leafs right now I don’t see a playoff contender, I see a bunch of people who are going to be each other’s golf partners come April.

Anyway, WWE’s No Mercy PPV is tonight and against my better judgment I’m going to watch it. If I had to pay full price to do so then there’s a very strong possibility that I wouldn’t be but I don’t so I am and I’ll probably hate myself for it in the morning. It’s like when you go to a bar, get sloppy drunk and then take home the hottest woman there and somehow during the night she transforms into Bob from the video store, not that I know what that feels like or anything. On a small side note, how come you never call me anymore, bob?!

So now it’s time for me to try my hand at predicting outcomes. I generally suck at this mostly because I try to think in terms of things that I would actually like to see and things that would have long term benefits at some point down the road, both of which seem to be ideas foreign to the current crop of writers, and I use that term loosely. If you think you can do better, or if you just want to have your thoughts posted where a few people might even see them then just shoot me an
email
and I’ll post them up here for you. And just to warn you, I’m not going to edit anything anybody sends me for clarity so if you’re a fucking idiot you’re going to be exposed as such. Just remember that before you write in. One thing that might help your cause is writing to me in English rather than AOLeeze. Unless of course you’re into being made a fool of in which case AOLeeze is fine. On to the matches and predictions!

WWE Title Biker Chain Match
Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker

STEVE’S PREDICTION: I think this is going to be a much better match than most people are thinking it’s going to be. I wish that WWE would lay off the special stipulations in the title matches since there’s been way too much of that lately but I think that Taker and Lesnar are going to be able to bring a pretty respectable match to the table tonight. Undertaker has shown in the last little while that he can still go and that he’s still worth something to the company in the ring and Lesnar has improved greatly from where he was just a few months ago. I’m interested in how this match plays out but I think that Lesnar should go over in the interest of trying to build up a credible world champ.
Winner, Brock Lesnar

I Quit Match
Vince McMahon vs. Stephanie McMahon

STEVE’S PREDICTION: The real winner here is going to be the state athletic commission who will be collecting $2000 from WWE in fines for going ahead with this match. Yes, there is a law on the books in Maryland that says that man VS woman wrestling matches are not to take place in the State. WWE said that they were prepared to go ahead and have the match and that they would have their payment ready for the comission.

I’m not even going to bother analyzing this match because honestly, nobody gives a fuck, at least nobody not named McMahon that is.
Winner, Vince McMahon so that Steph can have her time off to prepare for her big day.

WWE U.S. Title Match
Eddy Guerrero vs. The Big Show

STEVE’S PREDICTION: I honestly don’t think that this match is going to be that bad. It won’t be match of the night either, but it’s not going to stink up the place. Eddy can have a good match with almost anybody and since they’ve started pushing him again Big Show seems almost motivated again. I think that they’ll leave the belt on Eddy unless they decide to break up the Guerreros, but I think it’s way too early to pull the trigger on that one. That’s never stopped them before, however. I’m still going with Eddy.
Winner, Eddy Guerrero

WWE Cruiserweight Title Match
Tajiri vs. Rey Mysterio

STEVE’S PREDICTION: If their other matches are any indication, this one’s going to be great and will probably go head to head with Angle Cena for match of the night honours. Since they just switched the belt not that long ago I’m hoping that they won’t feel the need to do it again. Besides, I’m really liking the direction they’re taking Tajiri’s character and I think they should have a few more people feud with him before he drops the strap otherwise they’re right back where they started with him and the whole idea of pushing him will have been all for not.
Winner, Tajiri

Kurt Angle vs. John Cena

STEVE’S PREDICTION: I’m expecting pretty big things from this match. Picking a winner is kind of tricky here though. On one hand you’ve got Angle who is a main eventer and still very much in the world title picture and on the other you’ve got Cena who is a rising star of the future and needs some big wins to solidify his spot in at least the upper midcard. Taking the loss would hurt Angle a lot less than Cena however so I’m going to pick Cena.
Winner, John Cena

Zach Gowen vs. Matt Hardy

STEVE’S PREDICTION: Let’s face it, Zach Gowen isn’t over and he never will be unless they stop with the sympathetic babyface crap. That stuff just doesn’t work anymore, at least not when it’s shoved down our throats to a disgusting extent like it has been in this case to the point where you want to hate the guy and root against him. They need to take him in a new direction and it has to be 1 of 2 possible places. Either A, the unemployment line or B, a heel turn. And since I don’t think they’re going to shitcan the guy anytime soon, heel turn it is.

I’m thinking that Hardy comes out on top in tonight’s match and then either gets into Zach’s head and convinces him that if he were to become a follower that he could rise to new hights, or that Gowen simply snaps after losing a couple more matches and turns heel, starting another feud with somebody else down the line, namely the unfortunate victim of his one legged whoopass. Either way,
Winner, Matt Hardy

Chris Benoit vs. A-Train

STEVE’S PREDICTION: Another match that won’t be as bad as most people fear it could be, mainly due to Benoit although Albert does try. And as much as it pains me to say this I think his trying is going to pay off tonight unless it’s the mission of the not so creative team to kill off A-Train completely. Benoit’s gotten the better of pretty much every exchange in this feud other than a couple of the more recent ones and I’m not even sure if Train has a clean pin over Benoit through the whole program. Tonight he gets it, much to the chagrin of Benoit fans everywhere.
Winner, A-Train.

Looks like that about covers it. I’ll post either later on tonight after the show or sometime tomorrow depending on how tired or drunk I am so you can all see how I did. And don’t forget to
send in your own thoughts and predictions.

Until we meet again, stay safe and
give generously!

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