Adventures At The Mall… And Hatred Towards Offspring

So…. last night I went to the mall. I’ll give you a moment to take all that in…… Nothing out of the ordinary. Bought some decent clothes for work, dropped over $200.00 on cd’s and dvd’s, y’know? the usual.

Towards the end of my adventure at the mall, I find myself waiting outside Randy River for the rest of my party before departure. It is at this point that I begin to boredly gander around the mall at all the good folk of Oshawa doin’ their shoppin’ thing. However, there is one slightly odd ducking that catces my attention. (Warning: said duckling may not actually have been a duckling)

I look down the mall to my left and see a man dressed fairly normally for a 35 year old man walking with his very young daughter. She was probably about 5. I look away at first but something draws my attention back. The man is wearing cowboy boots. Well, while that may not in and of itself be too off the wall, it is the activity that the cowboy boots allow him to take part in that is the subject here.

The man is sliding in almost a cross-country ski motion in his cowboy boots down the smooth tile floor of the mall. I can’t help but smile but look away again. Again, I’m drawn back and look down as his daughter is doing the exact same thing. By this time I have to look away as they’re only about 15 feet away from me now so I do. I once again though can not help myself but to look back at these 2 and their odd choice of walking style. As the 2 reach my location, the man says something that sent myself and my sister in to hysterics. The two stopped directly in front of me, the man turned his head to look directly at me and said the following words….

“You’re wearing hiking boots. You can’t slide, silly!” in a tone generally reserved to talk your children out of trying something that they obviously won’t be able to do.

At this point my sister is stumbling around laughing like a hyenna and I’m standing there more in disbelief than anything else. Did I look like I was about to join them in a hardy slide down the mall? Did I have that “Watch the hell out, assholes. I’m slidin’ here!” crazed look in my eyes. I didn’t think so, but something prompted him to say that to me. There are some odd people out there.

On the way home from the mall, I was partaking in my favourite radio station, Edge 102 when I was filled with delight to hear that after the break I would get to hear the new Offspring single that I had yet to hear.

The commercials ended and my anticipation grew. I turned up the radio as the track was announced to be called “Hit That”. It started and … oh man….. IT SUCKS!!!

If it was possible for music to come in cartoon form, this would be it. But since it is possible for music to come in GARBAGE form, we’ll classify it as that instead.

The song was filled with bad sound effects and dumb …. EVERYTHING. It filled me with rage and I wasn’t through the second chorus when I turned the station looking like quite the tool to everyone else who had watched me get psyched up for this event.

I know Offspring is no longer punk anymore… but this was terrible. I classify this as worse than “Original Prankster” which up until last night had, in my opinion, been the worst Offspring song ever. There was some good stuff on Conspiracey of One, even some on Americana… but this was trash… and I’m all of a sudden scratching my head about whether to leave this album, coming out on December 7, where it previously was on the top of my Christmas list. I was extremely dissapointed.

Have a good day, everyone. An Offspring free good day.

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