Good Day to you all,
First of all – Yesterday I didn’t get anything posted for my supposedly weekly column on Salty Ham Sports. I was completely uninspired and really, with the exception of the World Junior Hockey Championship, I really didn’t watch much in the way of sports over the holiday. That makes it harder to write a sports column. But this morning I was inspired with a thought so I may throw up a small version before the week is out. It won’t be today though. I hate those work days where you get loaded with work. Who’s fucking idea was that?
On the way in here this morning I heard a pretty funny story on the Edge Morning Show that I thought I’d pass on. This is quite possibly the most unfortunate criminal of all time. He and his wife had organized a major robbery and the plan really wasn’t all that bad in theory. The wife worked as a nanny/house-keeper/servant or something for a very wealthy family. They arranged for her husband to be mailed in a large box to the house, then the two of them would clean the place out and high-tail it on outta there. They figured mailing him in was the best way to get him buy security at the front gate.
Well, when this oversized box arrived at the gate the guards wouldn’t let it through. They thought it looked suspicious… like BOMB suspicious. So they called in a bomb squad to take a look at it since they didn’t want to open it to check and risk detination and impending self-deformation. So, they do what anyone would do… call the bomb squad.
Now, when the bomb squad gets a call, they don’t fuck around. There’s no “lets open it and see what it is”. Oooooh no. Thats usually how you detinate. So they took the box and set up in what is called a safe-detination. This machine treats the box as if it iis a bomb. Now what these machines do is not test to see if it is a bomb… or even try to find the bomb’s detinator and try to disable it. It uses its own explosives and blows the fucking thing sky-high eliminating any hazard. If it was a bomb… it blew up anyway… if it was an oversized glass puppy statuette it will be returned to sender with a new label of “some assembly required.” The Nanny noticing things had gone wrong chased the bomb squad back to the detinator and arrived just in time to watch her brilliant husbad get blow in to a million pieces. That’s not an exaduration. The bomb squad actually was able to identify this man by picking up pieces of his body from the area.
What a way to go, genious! I think most people would notice that things are not going the way they should and possibly try to draw some attention to the fact that there’s a human in there! Oh well. At least the rich people didn’t lose anything… and isn’t that what America is all about?