Ok so I’m not actually in the middle of the snow storm itself, I’m in my nice warm house but my nice warm house is right smack dab in the middle of a great big storm that’s pretty much got the entire province shut down so it’s close enough. The only good thing to come out of this whole thing is that I got the day off, that was pretty sweet. I hate Winter with a passion so whenever I can take something positive from it I’m all for that.
One thing this weather proves to me though is once again just exactly how dumb people can be. I know I talk about this a lot but there’s a good reason for that, that reason being that people don’t seem to be getting the message and just keep right on doing or saying dumb things. For instance, I was watching the news the other day when we were in the middle of the last snow storm, the one that wasn’t quite as bad as this one. The news girl was tossing out all the standard lines about not driving if you don’t have to, dressing warmly, taking your time, that sort of thing. Then she comes out with this gem. “Remember that snow tends to blow around more in open areas than it does in others.” Well gee thanks, I was wondering why it didn’t happen so much indoors, or in places where you’re surrounded by fucking buildings. I’ll sleep better at night thanks to you and your endless wisdom there Sparky. Good lord, how did you get that job, let alone learn to read in the first place? I mean come on, what am I supposed to take from a statement like that? It’s about as informative as telling me that fat people tend to weigh more than anorexics do. At least it was on the noon news, the one that nobody watches. Ok, nobody but me and maybe the families of the anchors who haven’t gotten over the fact that they’re related to somebody even remotely famous.
Speaking of famous people and the people who know them, why is it that people take deep personal offence when they tell me they know somebody and I look at them and go “who’s that?” Forgive me for not watching the news from a town I don’t even live in on a station I don’t even get just to see your 12th cousin 4 times removed tell me that the local Peewee hockey championships take place next Thursday.
And by the way, just because I am blind doesn’t mean that I am a fan of, or personal friend of every blind person on the earth famous or not. Odds are that I’m not in fact, stop asking. I don’t automaticly have to like Stevie Wonder just because we have something in common. He doesn’t have to read my website and I don’t have to like his music, it’s all about choice. Yeah, I’m feeling a little bitter, what’s your point?
My girlfriend keeps getting these Spam emails talking about how she can get continuous penis growth with some sort of revolutionary new patch. I’m not even going to bother with the obvious question of why would she want that, but instead the thing that got us both thinking is why would anybody want that? Even if it did actually work which it more than likely doesn’t, is continuous johnson growth really that good of an idea? That means that it doesn’t stop, so it’ll just grow and grow. A couple of extra inches wouldn’t harm anything I figure, might even do a little good but the thought of it getting out of my control and possibly even giving myself an inadvertent circumcision while I’m out walking one day just doesn’t appeal all that much, call me crazy.
I was listening to that old Aaron Neville song “Everybody Plays The Fool” today and I heard a line that I forgot, “use your heart just like a tool.” Not sure how you’d do that since I’ve never seen anybody jerk off with or piss out of one of those things. I think I think too much.
And just to wind things up all nice and propper like, it’s time to piss some people off with a joke, sent to me by a friend.
A gay guy falls in love with a proctologist. He goes to the proctologist’s office and says he has an obstruction. So the proctologist sticks his hand up the guy’s ass but can’t find anything. However, he notices that the man has an erection, so the proctologist cuts short the examination and orders the gay guy out of his office.
The next day, the gay guy calls the proctologist and claims he has another obstruction. The proctologist doesn’t believe him but the guy claims he is in great pain, so the doctor relents. When the guy arrives, the doctor sticks his hand up the guy’s ass again but this time he finds something. “Good God!!!”, the doctor exclaims, “No wonder you’re in pain — there are two dozen roses shoved up your ass!”.
The gay guy turns around excitedly and says, “Read the card! Read the Card!!”