I was in a department store yesterday when I saw what could possibly be the funniest damn thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Somehow I ended up looking at women’s underwear, [don’t worry, I was with a woman at the time, I ain’t no pervert or nothin’,] when I saw them sitting there. For 5 dollars they could have been mine and stupidly I left them there and I’ve been kicking myself ever since. You see you have to understand, these weren’t just any old regular underwear, these were special, let me describe them to you.
On the front they had a big picture of a Chinese food box, complete with chopsticks and in big letters it said “takeout.” On the back in the same sort of big letters was written “sweet and sour.”
Now to top it all off and so you understand just why this made me laugh so damn hard if that isn’t enough, these weren’t even adult underwear. They were made for a small person, probably somebody around the size of a 13-year-old. Who the hell’s gonna buy that? Ok so I almost did, but that’s different, I would have kept them for myself, not given them to my kid. Trust me, if my kid ever gets caught wearing something that says takeout across the snatch it ain’t gonna be my fault. I mean I’m pretty open minded and all but you’ve gotta draw the line somewhere I figure and up to now I can’t think of a better place than that.