I’m seriously thinking about calling an ever-increasing group of people I know together for a lesson on how to use the phone. Let me explain myself by asking a question, I’ll even make it multiple choice in case some of you have to think about what should be a pretty obvious answer.
When you call a person on the phone in a non-emergency situation and that person does not pick up, do you:
B. Call back a second time just in case he didn’t make it to the phone in time.
C. Wait for the answering machine to pick up if there is one, leave a message and then go do something else and wait for a call back.
D. Call repeatedly until whomever you’re trying to reach caves in and answers the phone because it defies all logic that he would be either out or busy at the moment and is so obviously avoiding you right now that relentless calling is the only way to get through.
If you picked C, thank you for being one of the few sane voices in a world full of telephone lunatics. If you picked B, that’s ok too. If you picked D, I would like to take the time to say a fond hello to you, since you are probably either a friend or family member. I’d also like to take this time to ask, no insist, no demand that you read this and even more importantly, take it to heart and ultimately stop this madness.
I honestly don’t understand you D people. What are you trying to accomplish by calling me over and over again? If I don’t answer the phone when you call, it’s not a personal attack against you as a human being. It probably means that I’m either busy doing something or out having a life, as hard as that might be to believe. And this might come as a bit of a shock to you, but I’m not a slave to the telephone and I don’t spend all of my time just sitting around waiting for you to call me. I have things to do. Work that needs done, dinner that needs eating, places to go, TV shows I want to watch, fun to have, sleep to get, you get the idea, and sometimes talking to you just doesn’t fit in with the plan. This doesn’t mean that I don’t like you or that I’ll never speak to you again which some people just don’t seem to understand. It just means that right now I either can’t or choose not to talk to you for some reason. Deal with it. Maybe go out and get one of those lives I was talking about a minute ago. Whatever you decide to do, please, only call me once and for God sakes leave me a message!
That could almost be a whole other post entirely but I’ll mention it here because I’m ranting right now and nothing drives me up the wall about the phone more than when people call again and again and don’t leave a message. I pay the phone company 7 bucks every month so you can tell me what you want in recorded form, so do it! I’m spending that money for you. Yes I have call display but it only holds 10 numbers and because of people like these I can generally only see 1 of them 10 different times. Besides, if whatever you wanted wasn’t important enough to leave on my machine then it doesn’t need my immediate attention and it’s not getting it. In fact, I’ll let you in on a little secret. If I’m home and you call but I don’t answer the phone for whatever reason, if you don’t leave me a message, I’m not calling you back unless I had already intended to call you first. This is especially true in cases where nonstop calling is involved, then I don’t even call back if I did want to talk to you just because you’re annoying me and I don’t want to yell at you. You don’t even have to leave a big flashy message or anything. Just say something simple like who you are and “call me” and I’ll do it. All I ask for is a little note that you called, that’s all.
I know this post might seem harsh to some of you but that’s because that was my intent. You people, heretofore known as phoners, are driving me fucking nuts! I like all of you and respect you all for who you are, you just need to work on this 1 little thing and life will be beautiful.
By the way, just for interest’s sake, the person who ultimately ended up inspiring this post called me 5 times in a row within the space of 10 minutes. That’s half the memory retention of my call display box. The night before this same person called me 6 times in an even smaller time period. See why I’m flipping out?