That’s The Problem

This comment was left under my last post about not making the Olympic team.

Ya, it must really suck when people ask how you’re doing and try to cheer you up and what not…..
Damn them and their stupid questions, how dare they give a shit about you.

After that considerate post I can’t say my heart bleeds for you.
Anonymous | 05.05.04 – 6:25 pm | #

First things first. The hole point of that post was to say I don’t ask for anyone’s heart to bleed for me. But I will clear this up.

I did say in that post that I appreciated the people who had taken time to see how things were going. The thing that bothered me were the types of questions. “How are you feeling?” after just having your goal taken away for a few years is a question that the answer to is pretty clear. I don’t feel all that great.

Most people have been respectful in the way they approach it but there are, of course, going to be exceptions to that. But, even to those who have handled as best they know how, it doesn’t make it any easier for me to discuss. I’m aware that there’s not much anyone can say and that people don’t know what to say… but neither do I.

It’s a tough thing and it’s something that until now I haven’t been prepared to talk about so when I’m forced in to doing so by someone who has taken some of their time to see how I am, it’s uncomfortable for both people. I’m not going to blow them off for being so considerate but at the same time I have no idea what kind of an answer to give because I have no idea how I feel about it personally, as of yet.

I posted what I did because this is a blog where I’m free to post my thoughts and feelings. That’s what I was feeling. I’m appreciative to everyone who has been pulling for me up until now. that does not mean that I know how to handle the situation I’m in right now. A blog is a free-wheeling stream of consciousness of a persons thoughts. Those were mine. If that makes me an asshole, than so be it. But don’t twist my words in to saying that I don’t appreciate those people in my life because clearly you have no idea what kind of person I am. These are the people who got me as far as I got. I didn’t finish the job and it’s uncomfortable and awkward for me and for them to discuss now. That does not make them, nor does it make me, any worse of a person. All it means is that I was voicing some of the thoughts that were in my head which I’m free to do since this is my blog. (Steve, is of course, free to do the same.)

Since you have chosen to judge me and the situation without knowing all of it, I hardly feel that I owe you an explaination but again, I’m free to voice my thoughts, as are you, and so I voiced my thoughts on your comment.

Everyone who has taken the time to talk to me has been appreciated. they know what it meant to me and that’s all that matters. Just because the conversations were awkward does not mean they were not appreciated. When things get awkward, people ask things that they may not normally ask because they’re just as uncomfortable as I am. For all I know, some of them regret saying things that they did. And the question that I brought up about “how do you feel” was asked by a guy I have a bad history with and who is on his way to the Olympics and I’m pretty sure it was a dig. So I won’t apologize for having made it a point to mention here.

In closing, feel free to comment on anything here on this site. But DO NOT twist my words around to change the point. Especially when you don’t know the full magnitude of the emotions that myself and the other people involved are going through. Thanks to the few of you who regularly visit this site who chose to e-mail me with just a few words to say your thinking about me. It was much appreciated and respectfully written. A nice gesture and I thank you.

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