I Bet He Knows What It Means Now

I was just reading a story about a Japanese man who is trying to teach himself English. Now that in itself isn’t anything out of the ordinary. Nor is it all that unusual that his main studying method is to write down common words and phrases that he finds in newspapers and hears frequently in other places so he can look them up later. It’s actually kind of neat that he’s been able to teach himself a second language that way, I’d never be able to do that, I’m not that smart. So why am I even bothering to mention it you’re probably wondering, because for the most part you’re all smart people who know by now that if it’s up here and it’s news, something probably went wrong. Well, you’re right, and here’s what happened.

On a flight from Chicago to Ohio, our hero was going about his business, scanning some magazines and newspapers for English to learn when he stumbled on the phrase “suicide bomb” and as he had a tendency to do, he wrote it down. A person sitting nearby happened to glance over and notice the words written down and in quite a reasonable move, alerted flight attendants that something might be going on. The flight was returned to the airport where it was promptly emptied and searched.

As for our Japanese friend, he was immediately taken into custody until he was somehow able to get the cops to buy a story like that, no small feat I’m sure, especially with a limited vocabulary. I’d love to know how bad the beating they gave him was. But maybe it proves an old theory that I’ve heard about foreigners, that being that the more you beat them, the better their English gets. Yes, you can look again, I did just say that and no, I’m not sorry to any of you who might take it upon yourselves to get all freaked out and offended. You can all go puff the magic dragon as far as I’m concerned.

But this guy’s predicament did give me an idea. Since experience is the best teacher, and since what happened to him was certainly an experience he’ll never forget, where else could he go to learn similar English lessons? Where is the worst place he could possibly go to write down a certain word or phrase? For example, he could be caught with the word “rapist” in a women’s shelter, or “child molestation” at a Catholic church.

Now it’s your turn, and if some of you people are as twisted as I think you are, you could have some fun with this, or not, it’s all up to you. I just thought I’d throw that one out there because it’s been way too long since we’ve gotten somebody really really pissed off at us and I think we’re about due again.

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