Could I speak to the man of the house please?

Arg. I just got called by a telemarketer. Man oh man. Part of me feels sorry for them because they must be so desperate for employment that they have to spend their days, evenings, nights, weekends, and all other hours they can selling vacuum cleaners, phone service, newspaper subscriptions, carpet-cleanings, cruises and whatever else telemarketers have to do. But some of them just piss me off. I don’t know what it is, but the newspaper-selling guys are especially bad for it. I can stop them cold pretty easily though. It goes like this.

telemarketer. Hello. Can I speak to, ah, um, Ca-reen?
Me: Speaking.
Telemarketer: I’m calling from the (insert newspaper here). We’re offering a 29-week subscription. Are you interested?
Me: Only if you have it in braille. I’m blind.
Telemarketer: Hmmm. Um. Sorry. Never mind. Bye.

Man it’s fun to watch them run away. What I hate the most about them is when they get all pissed off when I don’t want their subscription. It’s like I’ve wasted their time rather than the other way around. Some of them just hang up. Well excuse me for being a thorn in your existence by not being able to read your crap.

The best response was one telemarketer who, after getting all stuttery and stammery when I dropped the blindness bomb on him, said, “Um, thank you for your time, and I’ll pray for you.” I told him not to worry, but I got off the phone and laughed and laughed and laughed. I got thinking after. I’m at home, going to school and not bugging anyone on a Saturday morning. Mr. Telemarketer on the other hand is probably getting sworn at, hung up on, and rejected. Who needs prayer more?

So another one from the Toronto Star called me tonight and I asked to be taken off their list. Let’s see if they do it. I wonder when telemarketers will realize that badgering people in their homes is not effective business practice. It’s one thing if you’re already with the company. But all these morons calling us up at dinner telling us about their product or service trying to sell it to us. Do they think that we don’t know it exists? Does this conversation actually unfold?

“Gee Mr. Telemarketer, I didn’t know there were such things as vacuum cleaners. If you hadn’t called me, I would have never known. Thank you for opening my eyes.”

Somehow I don’t think so. Stop! calling! our! homes!

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