A Hug? Or a Strangle Hold?

I just got another one of these stupid emails. They’re all the same. “This is a hug certificate. Here’s a nice sappy poem that I didn’t write and isn’t really that great. Send this to your friends and send it back to me. If I don’t get it back, I know how you feel.” Why are these things still circulating? Please please please tell me?

When will people realize that these sickly sweet meaningless poems that come a dime a dozen aren’t nice and cute? They’re fucking annoying. And why would you want the same poem sent back to you? You’ve already received the piece of trash, read it, and sent it on, which makes me question your intelligence. Why on earth would you want it back in your inbox like the cat that just keeps coming back? And why does receiving this back tell you more about friends X, Y, and Z than what they say in emails that they, ya know, actually take the time to write themselves? And here’s a hint to all you forwarding freaks. Don’t you think telling people to send this back or you know how they feel about you is taking all the sincerity out of it? Wouldn’t you rather they do it of their own free will? As soon as I see that line, I know what happens to that waste of so many bits of data. Pow! Straight to the trash! Please! Everybody! Stop sending these hug messages! Years ago, they were perhaps cute, and I’m saying perhaps. But now, they are nothing but stale wastes of space. If you want to send me a message to let me know you’re there, a simple “How’s it going?” message will do nicely. And here’s a really cool idea. If you send me one of those, chances are I’ll respond without you having to twist my arm!

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