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I really need to come up with an official name for this bit. If anybody has one, feel free to suggest it either on the comment boards or by email.

It’s been a long time and a few people have asked about it so it’s time once again to make fun of people and the things they search for.

People who have been coming to this site for a while and people who have scanned the archives will already know what this is all about but for the benefit of any newcomers I’ll quickly explain the deal here. Our site tracking program, the thing that tells us how many people waste some of their time coming here, keeps track of search terms that get people to the site. Some of them are your normal everyday stuff, but others…not so much. So this is the part of the show where I pick through everything in search of the not so much and post it here for the rest of us to laugh at. So with that out of the way, here for your enjoyment and possible shame, is the latest batch of whatever the hell you wanna call this.

12 Feb, Sat, 17:46:19
Yahoo:
randy orton’penis

Sorry, never heard of him. But while we’re talking about him, who the hell gives their kid a name with an apostrophe in it?

13 Feb, Sun, 08:07:57
Yahoo:
0ld fat midgets fucking

Ok, it’s time for Steve to go off on a mini-rant.

How hard is it to type a goddamm letter O? It seems to me that it’s actually easier than typing a 0 where the O should go since to hit the 0 you have to reach up higher than you would if you were to, oh I dunno, spell correctly and write like somebody with what could pass for a brain.

And before you give me that “oh Steve, it’s hackerspeak and the guy’s not an idiot” crap, let me just say this. If the guy’s not stupid, then how did he fail to notice that most of the internet isn’t written that way? And why didn’t he have the smarts to figure out that he’d most likely have better luck finding his copulating midgets if he used proper English?

Kids today. they can Spam the bejesus out of you and infect you with a virus in about 15 seconds, but they can’t write a goddamn coherent sentence. It’s pathetic.

Ok, rant over, or as those so-called “trendy” assholes would say, /rant

17 Feb, Thu, 15:59:12
Yahoo:
www.fat bitchs.com

I’m scratching my head trying to figure out why somebody would take the time to go to a search engine and type that in when he or she could just as easily type the address and just try to go there and see if it works. Why would you search out somebody else to let you know if that site exists or not? But since people seem to need that little bit of help, for future reference, it does if you lose the space. That’s me, always willing to go that extra mile.

20 Feb, Sun, 01:01:02
Yahoo:
john cena pictures that will make you want to masterbate

First I’ll ask the obvious question. How does one go about masterbating? And while we’re on the subject, does John Cena even like fishing?

Now I’ll pretend that this person isn’t a complete retard and that he or hopefully she meant to write masturbate. This whole thing is a bit subjective don’t you think? I mean wouldn’t it depend on who you talked to, which would mean that potentially, every picture could get a different reaction from each person you asked? And if yes, how could there ever be an official archive of wackworthy Cena photos?

Did I really just spend that much time thinking about this? Let’s move on.

27 Feb, Sun, 20:12:43
Yahoo:
URINATING IN APARTMENT STAIRWELLS

I have nothing of any importance to say about this, but I am wondering if that search has anything to do with this one.

17 Feb, Thu, 09:57:46
Yahoo:
getting vomit smell out of cars

If they are somehow related, that must have been one hell of a party, and one bitch of a hangover.

But here now, since like I’ve already said, I’m all about going the extra mile to help out the needy, is Steve’s step by step guide to getting that pesky puke smell out of your car.

1. Gather together the following items:
1 puke smelling car
1 lighter
1 willing accomplice
1 getaway vehicle
1 very sharp object, such as an icepick for example.

2. Take all items to a safe place, preferably an open area far from civilization where you won’t be noticed.

3. Use sharp object to poke a hole in the puke car’s gas tank.

4. Using the lighter, ignite car.

5. Get into getaway vehicle and get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.

6. File insurance claim on the *accidentally* destroyed car.

7. Collect settlement.

8. Buy new car.

DISCLAIMER
I provide this information in the hopes that before you follow steps 1 through 8 you have taken into consideration the real step 1, that being make sure that the car is insured before following any further instructions.

I also will not and cannot be held responsible for any unintended consequences that may arise during or after your carrying out of this procedure, because in short, your stupidity is not my problem.

Best of luck to you and enjoy your new wheels.

And with that, we’re all done.

Remember, if you can think of a good name for this bit, I’d love to hear it so feel free to leave one in the comments section or in my trusty email inbox.

Until we meet again, this is Steve saying something sort of catchy or funny that I can’t think of right now. Seriously, I’m actually saying that.

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