Cards Are Going to Hell!

I mean it. What is with all the mushy gushy bless you love you cards? I know they’re cards, but it seems like gone are the days when you had a variety of kinds of cards. For the poet who isn’t eloquent enough to write his own poem and sends email hug certificates and likes pre-written sap, there were the pre-written sap smooch your face off cards. But they were sandwiched among the humourous cards, even if they didn’t fit the person you were sending it to. And then there were your basic cards that left the card-sender lots of room to write his own personal message. Bring me back those days!

I was trying to find a get-well card for that prof I talked about last week. The one who’s stuck in the hospital for who knows how long. And god damn it! Some cards were covered in flowers. What? Do only women get sick? What the hell!

Then there were the cards lined with poetry. If the guy’s all doped up in the hospital, does he really want to read a god damn sonnet that wasn’t even written by the person wishing him well? And isn’t it so insincere to send something pre-written anyway? If you really cared, you’d write the note yourself, you wouldn’t wait for Hallmark to speak it for you.

And these are the cards that piss me off so much! They start off all simple, and then they end with, “with love.” Ok, you were doing so well! Why did you have to louse it all up? If I wanted a lovy-duvvy card, I would have picked the ones with the sonnets or the ones with the flowers! Can’t you pick a side of the fense to stay on?

And I only found one funny get well card. Come on, don’t these people deserve a laugh? They’re in the hospital after all!

Luckily I had more luck today getting thank you cards, but still, don’t you thinka thank you card is supposed to be simple? Not according to people writing cards now. Half of them were talking about friends being angels to make the earth a better place. What if you’re thanking someone for an award. Do you really have to call them an angel friend?

I just swear all the variety and coolness has gone out of cards. Has society gotten to the point that wordiness and pictures mean more than a gesture? Wow, this whole cards rant has gotten into deeper thoughts than I planned.

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