Do I scare you?

And now, let’s make a complete U-turn. As I look at all these bitching posts, I have to wonder, what do you guys think of me? Not that my life depends on what others think of me, but sometimes I get curious.

And…there’s another reason. I’ve had a history of being called less than flattering things. I’ve been called a force of nature, a bitch, just plain scary, and people would just make references to how I seemed angry all the time. At first, I shrugged it off as a few people who didn’t know me well, or there was a reason I was a bitch to them and it was just in that context. A small part of me was proud that I could strike fear into people. “Little me? Scary? Way cool! I must harness this power.”

But then, people who didn’t know me well at all, and would have a couple chance meetings with me, or people I had no intention of scaring, started making comments, and then I got worried. I don’t want to scare people. I don’t want to be intimidating. I want people to know that they can’t walk all over me, but I don’t want to be this horrible monstrous person that people run away from in fear. Of course I can’t ask people who I know are a little freaked at me why they feel this way, because they immediately reply, “No, you’re not scary.” Somehow they think this will make me feel better. But I know it’s not true, because they’ll also apologize at the drop of a hat when they think they’ve offended me.

So, do I scare you guys? Be honest, I wanna know. Really, I won’t bite your head off.

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