You Are Here?

Wow, it’s been a while since we’ve done this, but it’s time once again for the bit that’s so popular that
Roland
over at Salty Ham decided to swipe it for his own column. He did a nice job with it too, and he even gave us credit for it so the theft is acceptable.

For the benefit of those of you who might not know what all of this is, it’s basically a compilation of how messed up a few of you aare. The hit counter captures search queries, I notice those queries, and then the fun begins.

Ok, with that out of the way, let’s do this thing.

21 Oct, Fri, 23:07:26
Yahoo:
why is it called the vomit comet

We figured that Vomit Comet was more catchy sounding and easier to remember than as;lfjpoiweuroiu989kjhfkljabsabax,mbm,xcbjlfheweurro;qweurqwpoieuweruirew, which was our second choice. But sometimes I still lye awake at night wondering if we made the right decision.

Thu, 20:41:39
Yahoo:
history of ghonorea

I’m not in the mood to teach history, but there’s never a wrong time to help somebody out, so here are a couple of tips:

1. Learn to spell Gonorrhea.
2. Go ask your Mom, she probably knows. Or at the very least she can put you in touch with Grandma if ancient history is more your thing.

22 Oct, Sat, 14:26:22
Yahoo:
short cut to get higenic sex

Why do I get the feeling we’re dealing with the same guy from the last one here? And by the way, h y g i e n i c.

21 Oct, Fri, 20:12:07
Yahoo:
picking up slutty girls friday nights boston

Man, some people just never learn do they? But since I’m so friggin helpful, try going outside and looking around. Good things come to those who stand there for a few minutes.

23 Oct, Sun, 16:39:41
Yahoo:
scorpio, horoscopes, sluts

November, newspapers, Boston.

21 Sep, Wed, 21:04:44
Yahoo:
signs a guy is attracted to a woman

Speaking as a guy, I want to let you in on a bit of a secret. We men can be a complicated bunch at times, and sometimes what you may think of as flirting might simply be nothing more than idol chatter, or an attempt at being nice gone horribly amiss. So from where I sit, there are 2 sure-fire ways to tell what the man in question is thinking. You can look deep into his eyes, talk to him, try to read his every move and hang on his every word in an attempt to achieve a greater understanding of who he is as a person. Either that or you can just check him for wood and be done with it.

25 Oct, Tue, 09:18:00
MSN Search:
pitchers of dog cynophobia

Strangely enough, I’ve never seen Dog Cynophobia on tap in any bar I’ve ever been in.

By the way, would dog cynophobia be dogs that are afraid of other dogs? And I’m not sure what a p i c t u r e of that would look like, but I imagine it consisting of a dog shitting his pants at the site of a bigger dog.

23 Oct, Sun, 19:42:06
MSN Search:
show me some sciencce fair project that have already been done

Isn’t that cute? Some special ed student is trying to cheat on a project. Or maybe he’s a professor at a
natoinal unviesrity
somewhere.

And so ends this little diversion for another day. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve almost swerved off the road because we were trying to read this on one of those internet-capable cell phones while we were driving. But now it’s time to say goodbye. So until we meet again, happy searching. If you need me, I’ll be thinkin’ about my doorbell and when you’re gonna ring it.

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