Heavy Meditation

So I learned today that I suck at meditation. This guy was doing a thing on meditation, so since I’ve tried yoga, I figured hey why not give it a try? But I found out that it’s way harder than I thought.

First off, there are a million contradictions. They tell you to sit up straight so your feet are flat on the floor. Maybe this is relaxing for a daddy long-legs, but for this shrimp, it means sitting on the front edge of my chair and holding my back straight, not letting it rest on the back of the chair. But then they tell you to relax. I don’t know about you, but sitting bolt upright isn’t the most relaxing thing in the world. Then they tell you to clear your mind. I must be weird, because as soon as someone tells me to clear my mind, I start thinking so hard about how one clears one’s mind that it’s the furthest thing from clear. Then they tell you to let your mind wander, but then after a while, they want to have you focus it, and if it does wander, you’re to bring it back to this image of white light etc. Can they please make up their minds on what mine’s supposed to do?

And here’s the fun part. They tell you to exhale all your anger and inhale wisdom and compassion. Isn’t that the most patronizing thing you’ve ever heard? If you just push your anger out, isn’t it going to come back and bite you? And why is it going to go away just because someone tells you to send it away? If it’s that easy to get rid of, it can’t be that serious. And if one could inhale wisdom and compassion, would we need to meditate? We could all be gurus just by breathing. I know, I know, it’s a metaphor. But think about this. Our own mind is imagining breathing in wisdom, right? So our own mind is manufacturing this wisdom, right? Well then, how successful is this venture?

Maybe I’m just a closed-minded cynic, or maybe the way this guy taught meditation was weird. Either way, the whole concept is too complicated for my little brain. But maybe he’ll prove me wrong, I’ll inhale some wisdom and figure it out.

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