Roll up the Rim to Whine!

Ok, can someone bring me these morons so I can kick them in the nether regions? Maybe Steve wouldn’t mind kicking them too since I’m sure he agrees with me. Let’s all have a moron-kicking fest. Sounds like jolly good fun. And no I’m not British. It just seems the caffeine in this tea is hitting me hard.

Read this, and tell me if you want to kick them too.

Readers’ Digest condensed version: girl sees Tim Horton’s cup in garbage. Girl remembers Roll up the Rim contest and sees the rim is not rolled. Girl tries, but her little hands can’t do it. Girl gets help from older girl, who can, and finds they’ve one a SUV! Girls run to school office, which is where things begin to go south. Girls call parents. Little girl’s parents arrive and run off with the cup. Now bigger girl’s parents find out and want a piece of the action. Enter school staff member, let’s call him Mr. Douchebag. He says it was his cup that he, ahem, threw away, and now he’s playing gimme gimme!

Ready? Set? Kick!

  • One for little girls’s parents for not being big people and including bigger girl in the cash.
  • One for bigger girl’s parents for resorting to wee child tactics and whining, instead of talking it out privately with little girl’s family.
  • and 1746 kicks from steel-toed boots for Mr. douchebag for showing up magically to claim the winning cup.

Maybe we should change our lucky recipient of so many kicks to Captain Coincidence. How did he know it was his cup? It could have been anyone’s cup. And even if it was his cup, he gave up all rights to it by tossing it in the trash. It is now, uh, trash, and public trash at that. If he was so concerned about it, he should have rolled up the rim before he threw it away. Now, it’s time to apply the childhood expression finders keepers, losers weapers, so neener neener neener to you, Mr. Douchebag!

As for what the finders should do, they should stop weaping and acting like losers, and keep their dignity and do the only right thing to do. Sell the car, split the money, and put it in the kids’ college funds. Now now children, is that so hard? Otherwise, the parents are doing the ultimate in bad parenting and teaching the kids, what, boys and girls? Say it with me now. “Greed is the way of the world! Even if it isn’t yours, you can take it, and if you really want it, go ahead and sue for it! Mommy, daddy, and your teachers, your role models, say it’s ok!” And we wonder how we get generations of sue-happy, selfish assholes. The answer is simple. What should we have learned by now? We reap what we sow!

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