Fruit Is Like Oxygen

Ok, thanks to me and my stupid titles, I can’t get that old love Is Like Oxygen song out of my head now. I hope somebody knows which song I’m talking about so I won’t be alone. It’s one of those songs that once you hear it, or even think about it, it’s in your head for hours, sometimes days. Oh well, I have no one to blame but myself, and to be honest, I think I’d rather have that song in my head for a hundred years straight than think about what inspired me to use that title in the first place. Speaking of which, I should probably get to that.

I need to apologize to a whole lot of people, so here goes.

To anybody I’ve ever made fun of for buying bottled water, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for saying that paying for water might just be the stupidest use of perfectly good money there is. I didn’t mean that. Ok, I suppose I did, but starting today, if ever you hear me saying something like that, it’s just me talking out of anger or moodiness and not saying what I truly feel.

Furthermore, I would also like to add that you are not in fact morons, idiots, dumbasses or fucksticks. Ok, maybe some of you are, but it’s not simply because you buy tap water and think you’re making a healthy choice by doing so.

So why the sudden change of heart? Simple. I just found out that soon you will be able to buy
cans of fruit-flavoured oxygen,
and quite frankly, any person who would be foolish enough to do such a thing deserves my wrath far more than any bottled water consumer ever could.

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