I guess I spoke too soon. I have now discovered that my new neighbour is a stupidhead of a different kind. What will I call her? Ditz-o-matic?
Let’s run down 15 minutes with her. I’m in my house talking on the phone. I hear, slam. Jingle. slam slam jingle! “What the hell!” I open my door and hear “Really, Ma’am, it’s no big deal.” I ask her what’s going on. She cries that her lock is broken and seems to have fallen off and she can’t get in she can’t get in she can’t get in! I then found out that the people telling her that it was no big deal, ma’am, were random strangers that she pulled in off the street to try her door. They were not friends. they were not even acquaintances. They were people she chased down. Now, I’ve chased down a few people in my time, but it’s usually for directions or to ask them which street I’m chasing them down. I’ve never felt the need to pull random strangers into my apartment building lobby and then have them try my lock. Doesn’t that just scream trouble to you? What if stranger e. is an accomplished burglar whose reason for being good with locks is his skill at breaking them to get in. I personally don’t want people knowing precisely where I live if I don’t know precisely who they are.
Deciding this drama should move out of public view, I told her to get in my place. I then dialed the landlord and handed her the phone. The string of chaos that was her message to him was something like, “Hello. I’m the girl living at xxx. I can’t get in. My lock’s off, I’m in a crisis, I need to have you come over now now now!” Next, I phoned his cell phone for her, she didn’t know either of these numbers at all. She left a similar message, only with a higher pitched voice.
After she started to panic, I said I thought he had another emergency number. Since I didn’t remember that one, I did the only logical thing I thought there was to do. I didn’t drag more strangers into the building. I didn’t do a rain dance outside hoping that instead of rain, we’d get the landlord’s arrival. I didn’t scream for my mommy. We went over to the main building and looked for the buzzer number of the guy I sort of knew to ask him if he had the emergency number. No luck. So we went inside and asked people who lived there if they had it. They said no. So we went to the restaurant next door to see if they had it because the restaurant is attached to the building, so they might rent the space from the same guy. . They said no. So we headed back to my place to think. But by this time, he had arrived and saved the day for her.
But that wasn’t all of her silly ditzy antics. In a building that was a no pets building, she had a puppy in her apartment. This puppy had something encrusted around its mouth which she said was just its lack of a summer haircut, and I’ll swear, even if she claims it’s an angel, snapped at me. It growled, and then jumped, twice, both in the direction of my face! It didn’t do that little hello jump up thing some dogs do. Oh no, it leapt straight for my face. It wouldn’t bark or howl, it would just make this horrible snorting noise that she said was it’s way of talking. Wouldn’t that make alarm bells go off a bit? Most dogs at least bark a little. What’s wrong with this one?
Her final act of goofiness was to say to me, “You shouldn’t have had to do this, I didn’t want to involve the neighbour.” But she had no problem involving strangers. Uh-huh. Even today, she keeps trying to give me giant hugs for what I did. Wow. I appreciate this, but I didn’t think I did all that much.
Other small things keep happening, like the scent of weed in the lobby…again, the people pounding on the door and yelling for her…again, and the loud door slamming…again. you follow me? Not…again!