Before I start talking about who should get hoofed in the bag, I have good news. We have our miracle apartment! We just have to sign a few papers and hand over a bit more money and it’s ours! Now, back to kicks ahoy!
These can be people, or groups of people. Aren’t I generous?
- Nosey people on the street. I do some volunteer work where I go with a lady who’s a bit developmentally delayed to the Y. Frankly, I forget she’s a little slow because she’s hillarious and it’s not like I’m having to tell her what to do all the time or anything. hell she’s getting us into the Y and finding stuff and setting the weights so it’s not an issue. But people who we barely know or don’t even know actually walk up to us and have the nerve to ask, “So…who’s helping who?” I’m helping you get a kick in the nuts. Is it any of their business who’s getting help and who isn’t?
- Chatterboxes on the street. I’ll be crossing a busy street that buses go down, and someone will run up to me while I’m crossing and want me to *stop* right there so we can have a jolly good chat. They don’t want to join me and walk across with me. No no no. Knowing that after the hand starts flashing, we only have 10 seconds before cars and city buses are going to speed through, they just have to tell you all about their week. How about letting me live to see the next week?
- My neighbours. But I think I’ve explained that enough.
- Creepy stalker people. I haven’t known them their whole lives, maybe they already have received a few good kicks in the nuts because of the way they act. There’s this one guy who, while Steve and I were together, was always simultaneously jealous and wanting to know what we were doing every fucking minute of the day. Then, when we broke up, he suddenly was calling me a lot more, and still wanted to know where I was every fucking minute of the day. Now that we’re back together, he doesn’t call anymore, and I can’t say I’m sad to see him go. Weirdo! The scary part is, he’s not the only one. When will these guys learn that usually we can see through their phony interest in girls for what it really is? Guys! Give up on me dropping everything to be with you just because you’re suddenly filling my life with yourselves!
- People who phone me several times late at night and when I finally pick up and sound a little sleepy, wonder how much I’ve had to drink. Although several people don’t seem to have a functioning clock in their house, there’s only been one guy who’s actually had the balls to wonder if I was drunk at 4 in the morning when he called. This question got asked *after* I told him never to call me that late again because I’m trying to sleep.
- Chatty people in a place where I answer a distress line. Seriously, your busy night does not need to be projected to me at a louder volume than what I’m supposed to be listening to, I.E. a distress call.
- People who cry that they’re sick of being judged to soon, while in the same breath, they judge other people as unsuitable friends because they look a certain way or are of a certain race. At this point, I want to say to them, “You get what you deserve.” Oh, and I want to give them a kick in the nuts, but well…that’s why they’re on this list anyway.
- People who drive for a living who don’t know where they’re going. Steve and I have both talked about how much that bugs us before.
- People who enjoy making themselves feel better by making others feel worse. After reading this, need I say more?
- People who write you emails, you respond, and after two weeks, they respond with “Now what were we talking about?”
- Parents who don’t let their kids ask me questions about being blind. Yeah, teaching them to live in fear of the unknown is a fine way to raise your kid.
- Other blind people who make people afraid to ask questions. Yeah, making people afraid to learn about us is a fine way to perpetuate ignorance.
- People who think they’re a cut above other people because of what letters are behind their name. Listen, prick, the brick layer or the plumber could teach you a lot.
And like that, I’m done. Now I have to run for the bus, hopefully they know where to drop me off.