Oh Mister Sub, Sub, Mister Broken Sub, Please Don’t Spill on Me!

Yes, I’m an idiot. But last night’s experience with Mr. Sub just had to be written down.

It starts off fairly ordinarily, with a few weird things, but nothing overly bad. I phone, I order a sub. The girl doesn’t seem to know how to take an order down because as I’m giving my address, she’s saying, “Anything else?” like my address is the ingredients in the sub I’m about to order. But I manage to get it ordered. She says she has to call me back with the total. This isn’t super odd, since sometimes they get busy and they have to take care of the angry mob standing in line, and then when the smoke clears, they can calculate your order. They call back in a few minutes, but the wierd part is a guy is phoning this time. He wants to make sure I didn’t ask for lettuce. I say I didn’t ask for lettuce. This shows his confidence in her ability to take orders. She must have screwed up a few before. What’s that? A warning signal?

Then my sub comes, and it’s surprisingly light. There’s just one bag, which amazes me, since I ordered a sub, a bag of chips and a pop. But I take it, since I think that it all must be hiding in there. I check, and no it is not! All that’s there is a sub!

I phone back, slightly annoyed, but no big deal, at least it was, in fact, the sub I ordered. I get the same girl, who recognizes me almost immediately. I say that the pop and chips are missing from my order. She says very slowly, “Oh shoot, I forgot!” The next words floor me. She asks me if I really want her to send me chips and pop, or do I just want to call another night when she’s working and then she’ll give them to me for free? Um chicky, I ordered them now, I want them now! Plus, if I get them another night, I’m not just going to want chips and pop, I’ll want a sub too! And, how in christ am I going to know when she’s working? I don’t even know her name! She eventually defeatedly agrees to send the chips and pop.

Then I take the sub to the microwave, since it was a hot sub. As soon as I put the sub in the microwave, I know something is horribly wrong. The buns practically fall open, spilling the contents all over the microwave. I get them back together, sort of, and nuke the thing, praying for the best. But the best wasn’t very good at all. I had to eat my sub with a knife and fork. A knife! and fork! How shitty is that. Kind of loses the whole sub experience doesn’t it?

Then, to topit all off, when I go to eat the chips, they are spicier than I remember that kind being, so I couldn’t even eat them! I think the gods, if they exist, were punishing me for being a lazy bastard and ordering a sub when I had food I could have cooked.

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