>This monster of a post has been building for a while, and there’s so many different things I want to say that I’m afraid it might get away from me. So try and stay ahead of the thought avalanch if you can! Now that I’ve said that, whatever I could produce will look like nothing at all.
I got thinking the other day about that old song “A Boy Named Sue” by Johnny Cash, and a strange thought entered my head. With the direction names are going, based on the names we have nowadays, that song won’t make any sense anymore! Who knows, we could have a bunch of boys named Sue and people would go, “So he was named Sue! What’s the big deal?” I mean look at all the unisex names out there now. Don’t even get me started on Kyle! This led me to some other strange thoughts. Does anyone remember that Raffi song called Willoughby Wallaby woo where they use a whole bunch of kids’ names, so it would go something like willoughby wallaby warin, an elephant sat on Carin, and willoughby wallaby weve, an elephant sat on Steve? Well with the names we’re getting into now, it’ll never be the same. We’ll have to sing things like willoughby wallaby warter, an elephant sat on Carter, and wiloughby wallaby wuri, and elephant sat on Suri. The names people are coming up with for their kids.
I ended up down another path of thinking about things that will lose their meaning as time goes on. For some odd reason, Steve and I got talking about Sesame Street and Hooper’s General Store, which got me thinking about how no one will know what a general store is. They’ll hear general store and think, “So Hooper had a Walmart?” They won’t get that whole idea of community that came with the idea of a general store. Man our world is getting sad.
Speaking of old things getting lost, I have a weird question for anyone who might know the answer. Anyone who knows me personally will know that my dad can be a weird man. He’s very smart and he has a memory for quotes and famous sayings and song lyrics like no one else. Note I didn’t say he has a good memory. He can only remember small pieces of them, enough to heighten your interest, and then he can’t remember the rest and then he just repeats that piece on an infinite loop. Over the years, I’ve found out the roots to a few of those infinite loops, and have realized that no, dad isn’t crazy, he got these gems from somewhere. But there is one loop that still puzzles me. Often times, dad would randomly sing, “And there was grandma, swingin’ on the outhouse door, without her nighty, with grandpa yellin’ more more more.” Where in the good christ is that from? I’ve punched it into google, and I think there’s some reference to it being in a swing song, but that’s all I can find. Please, someone, solve this mystery for me. I might have to break down and ask dad before it disappears forever!
Some people should just realize that maybe they’re not meant for certain jobs. Like, men who can’t say temperature and insist on saying it like “tempature” should realize that announcing is not their thing. Same goes for the guy who says pokerroom.tv like pokeroo.tv. Say the m! Maybe they should go check their addict for ass-pest-tose. Come on people, you are being paid to speak, presumably clearly, and some people are modeling their speech after you!
Maybe it’s guys like that that made me go get my hearing tested, where I learned a disturbing fact. Did you know that, when you’re an embryo, the same type of cells that make up your kidneys go to form your ears? That’s what the audiologist says, so who am I to question? Makes ya wonder what’s in your ear wax!
Am I the only one who thought, as a kid, that Buddy Holly had a horrible case of the hickups? I kept thinking, “come on dude, get a glass of water or something!”
Every day I find more and more examples of people with enormous gall. I’ve already complained about nosey people so I won’t go into that. But people are always finding new and exciting ways to show that they have big balls. One lady walked up to me and decided that she was going to walk with me to the drugstore where I was going, which was ok. Then she said to me, “You’re so young and pretty, what a waste that you’re blind.” Um, what? I wish I had had the guts to say to her, “I beg your pardon? What makes me such a waste?” But I just waited for her to disappear. Sometimes I wish I had more guts.
Then another woman, after I held the elevator for her because she had a shopping cart, just flat out asked me, “so are you working?” Come on! Most people, when they find themselves with strangers in an elevator, find it brave to talk about the weather, let alone ask each other what their source of income is. Like, where does she get off, besides the fourth floor? Would she ask anyone else that question out of the blue like that? Again, I wish I’d been quicker on my feet and said, “No, but are you offering?” Ah, so many missed opportunities.
I saw the strangest thing in the grocery store. It really speaks to our laziness. I was walking through the grocery store with one of the girls who works there. When we got to a shelf full of toothpaste and shampoo, she said, “Wait a minute. I don’t think this half-drunk milkshake belongs here.” Then she took it a couple aisles over and through it in the trash. I asked her if she finds half-finished milkshakes around the store a lot, since she didn’t seem too shocked by this occurrence, and she said yes! Ok, the only reasonable scenario I can see for that is if you have kids, you set it down so you can fish something out of the other stuff, then your kids distract you and you accidentally leave it behind. But this shouldn’t be happening all the time. Do they think the people who stock shelves should clean up after their lazy asses too? The garbage can wasn’t that far away! Just take it there and be done with it!
And with that, I think I’m out of ideas, and I don’t know if that avalanch could bury a baby. Hope you enjoyed the ride.