I was sitting with a friend yesterday when she suddenly turned to me and said, “You have a big patch of grey hair!” This freaked me out, because I’m only 27! What the hell am I doing with a big spot of grey hair? I know I stress out a lot, maybe I gave them to myself! What a thought?
This started a whole cascade of thoughts. I wondered what it looks like, since I can’t really stand in front of a mirror and check. Ug!
Then I thought, how long until my whole head of hair is grey? What if it happens soon? I always said I wouldn’t rinse my hair, after seeing my mom’s hair destroyed by hair-colouring solution that always smelled more like urine than anything else. I’d watch her walk around with that thing on her head and think, “Why would you willingly wear piss on your head?” I knew it was to look good, but it still seemed wrong. Now her hair is all dry, like straw, and brittle. I don’t want mine to feel that way.
But I don’t want to look like an old hag either! I mean, some people can pull off the dignified grey hair thing, but I think they have to be actually older first. I don’t think I’m that old yet.
Then I thought, god I’m vain. I never wanted to be that way. I’m not the girl who likes to dress up. Hell I hate dressing up. I always feel like I can’t do what I feel comfortable doing because I’ll rip something or dirty something. Ug. Too much work. Plus it doesn’t feel like it suits me.
Then I thought, I think I’m thinking too much, probably adding to my stupid grey hairs.
I wonder how big the patch is now? Maybe after a while, if I get enough of them, people won’t think of me as the lost little kid anymore. Maybe this has its advantages.