This was emailed to me yesterday and I thought it was pretty funny. I’m not a big Star Trek fan myself, but I know a lot of people who are and judging from what I’ve seen and heard of the show through them, this seems pretty well accurate to me.
*Things That Never Happened On Star Trek*..
- The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
- The Enterprise visits a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly alright.
- Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.
- The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new life-form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life-form wearing a funny hat.
- The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious plague for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
- The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
- The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
- An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the Enterprise’s computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
- A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
- The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
- The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some chocolate.
- The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called “Paradise” where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
- A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone’s satisfaction.
- The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.
- Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn’t tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
- Counselor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
- The warp engines start going haywire, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
- Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of one in three sentences that anyone says to him.