Things You Don’t Care About That I’m Telling You Anyway

Warning:
Barby
tagged me today, so long ass survey ahead. I won’t feel bad if you don’t read all of this.

1. What do you wish your name was?
Hugh G. Rection. it would be good advertising. It would be false advertising mind you, but good all the same.

2. What is your favorite thing to wear?
Cant’ say I really have one. As long as I don’t have to dress up, I’m a happy guy.

3. Last thing you ate….
Whatever that little thing was that flew into my mouth a while ago.

4. Favorite quote?
“Until you’ve been dressed up like a woman and used by circus people, you don’t know from violated trust!”
Butch Patterson: Private Dick.

5. I say Shotgun, you say?
No thanks, it’s more fun to get drunk slowly.

6. Last person you hugged?
I can’t remember his name. Being beaten unconscious will do that to you sometimes.

7. Africa or Mexico?
Neither. I like the taste of tap water too much.

8. How many U.S states have you been to?
5.

9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in?
That would be none. Colour me fortunate.

10. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
No, and especially not when the checks bounce.

11. Name something you like physically about yourself:
Either my hair, or that I’m actually pretty flexible for a fat guy.

12. Something you don’t?
My messed up right ankle.

13. Who is your best friend?
There are a few people who would qualify, but I don’t like singling out any one person.

14. Why are you still up?
Because when I’m up I can’t get down.

15. Who/What made you angry today?
Surprisingly nobody yet, which has gotta be a record.

16. Favorite type of Food?
Tasty and free.

17. Favorite holidays?
What’s the name of that one where they nailed Santa to a chocolate cross so now we all celebrate by spending money we don’t have on stuff we don’t need and nobody likes and then we hide turkey around the house for the kids to find? Labour Day? Yeah, that’s it, Labour Day. I like that one.

18. Do you download music?
Yes, though a lot of it isn’t worth it anymore.

19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Depends on what level of dirty we’re talking here. If they can walk themselves to the basket, then yes, I care.

20. What are you wearing right now?
Clothing.

21. Would you date the person who posted this?
Since I’m the one posting it and I’m not opposed to jerking off, I suppose the answer would be yes.

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
No, but for some reason people seem to respect my opinion when it comes to music so I get asked if things sound good quite a bit, sometimes even by people I’ve never met.

23. Do you love anyone?
Sure.

24. Do you like George W. Bush?
I’ve never met him. for all I know he could be the nicest guy you could ever meet, so that’s a hard question to answer properly. That said, if you’re asking me to judge him on public image and decision making skills, no.

25. Have you ever bungee jumped?
No. Not planning on it either.

26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
Not unless you count the time I had a wet dream on the same night my waterbed sprung a leak.

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
I’m not sure how old that Moondance lady was, but if I had to guess I’d say she’d probably qualify.

28. How much money ya got in ya pocket?
Hopefully enough to spring for a writing class for whoever wrote that sentence.

29. Have you met a real redneck?
As opposed to what?

30. How is the weather right now?
It says it’s fine, but work is stressing it out a little.

31. What are you listening to right now?
The sounds I can currently hear.

32. What is your current fave song?
I’m kind of digging a track called “Would It Have Killed You To Write The Word Favourite?” by a band called “Whoever Wrote Some Of These Questions Is A Retarded Imbecile.”

33. What was the last movie you watched?
“Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows”.

34. Do you wear contacts?
No.

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
That little garbage shoot room down the hall.

36. What are you afraid of?
Anyone who wants to know 66 completely trivial and utterly pointless things about me.

37. How many piercings have you had?
None, because I am a man.

38. How many pets do you have?
None. I like my animals grilled with a side of fries.

39. What’s one thing you’ve learned?
When my birthday is.

40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I don’t. but if I ever find myself in a position where I have to, I’m going to string together a bunch of nonsensical words and see what kind of over-priced coffee-like substance I end up with.

42. Have you ever fired a gun?
I’ve never hired one, so no.

By the way, what happened to question 41?

43. Are you missing someone?
Why, did you find someone?

44. Fav. TV show?
The colour Curtain, because at least the loud beeping sound can stay on pitch longer than anybody who’s ever been on American Idol.

45. Do you have an iPod?
If you’re the cops, then no, I do not have one of those devices in my possession. If you’re anyone else, $50 and it’s yours.

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
Only once that I can think of,
and I’m not even sure exactly who it is.

48. Who would you like to see right now?
I’d like to see question 47.

49. Favorite movie of all time?
“Happy Gilmore”.

50. Do you find yourself loved?
Sometimes a little too much, to the point where it gets kinda creepy. Thankfully that hasn’t happened in a long time.

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to?
Who hasn’t? That’s honestly one of the stupidest questions I’ve ever been asked, and that covers an awful lot of ground.

52. Favorite flower?
All-purpose. Hahaha, Steve made a funny. Ok, that joke was horrible, I admit it.

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
Yes.

54. What Magazines are you reading?
right now none because I’m too busy filling out this survey. But when I do read one, it’ll likely be either Reader’s Digest or Maclean’s.

55. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Not that I can remember.

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently?
No. Had a couple close calls though.

58. What’s something that really bugs you?
The fact that whoever wrote this didn’t number it properly. Seriously, I hate it when people put things out for public consumption without at least trying to look them over to see if everything’s ok. Stuff like that drives me nuts.

60. Do you like Michael Jackson?
Yes, but he says I’m too old for him now.

61. What’s your favorite smell?
I don’t have one. I’ve never really given it any thought.

62. Favorite baseball team?
The Blue Jays. Who wants to watch baseball in October anyway?

63. Favorite cereal?
Cap’n Crunch.

65. What’s the longest time you’ve gone without sleep?
A couple of days. I try not to do that very often, it messes me up too much.

66. Last time you went bowling?
It’s been years. Wouldn’t even want to guess.

67. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
I try not to fall asleep in weird places because I don’t want weird things to happen to me when I can’t do anything about them.

68. Who was your last phone call?
I’d complain about the wording of this question, but there are so many mistakes here that I’ve given up. My last phone call was to somebody from downstairs.

69. Last time you were at work?
Well, the blog makes a little bit of money, so I guess you could say that I’m at work right now.

70. What’s the closest orange object to you?
Much like the English majors who wrote this thing, I haven’t got a clue.

If anybody else wants to fil this out, go nuts. I’m not going to tag anybody, so you’re on your own. Much respect/sympathy to anybody who made it all the way to the end. Even with the missing questions, that was really really long.

I’m going to watch the news and Letterman now. See you soon.

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