So this is home now? Ok. I miss my yellow lab friend, but since there are no dogs around, I guess this guy will have to do. He’s interesting. Sometimes, I sit near his chair and watch wrestling with him. He sure doesn’t like it when I try to get up close and personal. Why not? I just wanna be his friend!
That thing that opens and takes us to the lobby, what does she call it, an elevator? Yeah, that’s it. It smells interesting. But Carin’s such a drag. She always tells me to sit and not to sniff. But it has so many stories to tell! Who has ridden in it recently? Do they smoke? Do they wear too much perfume? But some days, I just don’t want to sniff. It makes me sneeze. What’s that sound Carin does when I sneeze? I think it’s “Shuhkh!” Is she making fun of me? If only I could imitate her ridiculous sneezes. Oh well, all I can do is wack her with my tail.
Don’t mess with the furniture around here! I was walking around and a couch attacked me! They keep telling me it’s because of that long leash thing and me winding it around the couch, but even though that scared the hel out of me, after that, Carin doesn’t keep me tied to her anymore! Ah freedom! But I don’t mess with them, or Carin puts me on tie-down lickety split.
How come there’s a big water bowl that I’m not allowed to drink out of? It’s huge. They wouldn’t miss it if I took a lick. But every time I try, I’m yelled at and they slam a lid over it. Gees! Greedy bastards, are they that desperate for water?
Eeewww! They just did their business in the big water bowl! Sick people, at least I don’t dirty good water like that. I do mine where it belongs, on the grass!
Man humans are stupid. Every time I hear that thing I want to tell them about, I bark. But they tell me to be quiet. If only I could speak English. Then I could just tell them what it is I want to say. But all I can do is bark and hope they get it. It’s so simple! Can’t they hear that thing? Smell it? Come on! I can, why can’t they? Some day, they’ll understand me, and they’ll appreciate my barking. Then they’ll regret telling me to shut up.
Some of those little humans need to back off. When I’m doing my business, they try and pet me. Come on! Would they like it if I watched them do their business?
So far, I’ve met two hot boy doggies. They wear that harness thingy like I do. Cool! Comrades! They’re old though. They’re old enough to be my grandfather! Is it wrong that I want to check them out?
Why do they get better food than I do? Every morning and night, it’s kibble, kibble, kibble! But they eat different things. Cool things. Neat-smelling things. And then they get mad when I want a piece of the action! No fair! What really wasn’t fair was when Carin made me walk through a whole big building full of these cool things. What did she call it…the grocery store? But I was working. No sniffing, no licking, nothing. Work work work.
You know what’s funny? If I sit down and Carin sits beside me on the floor, I’m taller than her! Na na na na na, na!
What kind of hell place do they live in? I risk my life just standing at the corner. These huge vehicles drive by, almost taking off my head, and Carin just stands there mumbling something about me being a good girl like some kind of neanderthal. I didn’t sign up for this!
Hmmm I think it’s dinner time. Maybe if I come and bug Carin enough, she’ll feed me early. Mmm kibble.