Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Make Shitty Movie

When people ask me why I never go to the movies and why I don’t care when stuff comes out on DVD, I always have a million ways to answer their questions. And as of this very moment, I now have
one more.
Yes, “Monopoly: The Movie” could soon be coming to a theatre near you.

FILM director Ridley Scott is preparing the most unlikely movie of his career: a feature-length version of the venerable board game Monopoly.

The 69-year-old British film-maker, whose hits include Gladiator and Black Hawk Down, has been offered the pick of young actors to help turn the property game into a comedy thriller.

William Morris, the oldest theatrical agency in Hollywood, has promised Hasbro, which owns Parker Brothers, the manufacturer of Monopoly in the US, that the cream of its stable of 2000 actors will help create a blockbuster movie.

Scarlett Johansson and Kirsten Dunst are being considered for roles. Hasbro, which claims that Monopoly has been played by 750 million people since the 1930s, wants the film to feature “sexy young people” in an attempt to attract teenagers to board games.

Comedy thriller? Ok then.

I’ll admit I’m somewhat curious about this movie, mostly because I can’t figure out how they intend to shoehorn the hours upon hours of madcap excitement that is an actual game of Monopoly into 90 short minutes. I’m not sure if that’s the plan, but I hope that’s what they’ve got in mind. If they try to go all true to life on us with this one we’re going to end up with something slightly longer than watching Ben-Hur 3 times, and I don’t think anybody wants that.

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