I Want To Ride It Where I Like

I had no idea this was a crime and haven’t the foggiest clue why anyone would do it, but a UK man has been registered as a sex offender after being caught
fucking a bike.

Robert Stewart earned himself a hearing at Ayr Sheriff Court following the incident last October when two “extremely shocked” cleaners at local Aberley House Hostel discovered him getting down and dirty with the bike.

Depute fiscal Gail Davidson told the court: “They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down. The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex.”

The cleaners duly alerted the hostel’s manager, who called in the police.

Stewart on Wednesday admitted to sexual breach of the peace, and was placed on the sex offenders’ register. Sentencing was deferred until next month.

Maybe next time he’ll use the do not disturb sign.

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