>What’s With Me and Gerbils Today?

>Oh my god. I just talked to the stupidest person doing telemarketing in the universe. This story makes more sense if I can imitate this numbnut’s voice, but I’ll try to simulate it in writing.

I pick up, and this voice says, “Hello. uh, um, Carin?” Damn me to hell for giving to charities over the phone!

I say yes. He says, “How are you?” I say fine. Then he starts into his script. “I…uh…waa-uh-oh have one question for you. Um…sniff…wa-a-uh-oh…do you want child porn off the…um..net?”

Dude. Can you finish one sentence without sounding like either a stoner or someone with an insanely bad language problem? I say sure. He starts in again. “Um…waa-uh-oh…I’m with the Family Action Colation.”

The what? Colation? So he sits around putting things together for families? He must mean coalition. I let him continue bumbling along.

“Uh..so…these sites are making 3, billion, dollars, a year.” Now imagine that along with 3, billion, dollars, and year, you can hear a slight tapping, as if he’s banging his fist on the table to hammer home his point. He continues to sputter and stammer along. “So, uh..waaaa-uh oh, we wanna approach the internet service providers to take these sites down.” I stop him and ask him that if he has all this information about child porn sites, why doesn’t he want to go to the police and inform their child porn units? That’s what they’re for.

“Well…they’re good..but that’s only if they can figure out who’s behind it and track them to, like, their house or something.”

I ask him what’s more effective? Bringing the site down or getting the person arrested so he can’t hurt another child?

“Yeah..well…it’s not that easy. So…ya know..the government doesn’t wanna mess with these people because they’re making so much money.”

I asked him what on this green earth he was talking about. They’re getting this money illegally, so of course the government would want to mess with them because they’re tax-evading. And, aren’t the police an arm of government?

“Uh…um…waaa-uh-oh…ma’am, I’m just trying to tell you this stuff the best way I can.”

Well, you’re failing.

He then said that they wanted to get money so they could take these service providers to court so they could get the websites taken down. I asked him how they were going to accomplish this. “Um….waaa-uh-oh…with lawyers and stuff,” was the answer I got.

Exactly how stupid are you? Na, I thought you were taking them to Kangaroo court.

I then asked him what kind of court they were taking them to. He couldn’t answer that of course. I said if he really wants to get money from people, he and his fellow marketers should really inform themselves on what exactly their cause is. To that, all he could manage was, “Um…uh…waaa-uh-oh.”

Then, I asked him how in the blue hell they planned to take service providers to court. They can’t exactly be sued over what their clients put up. If they’re ordered to nuke the site by, oh, say, the police, they’ll take it down. But some kind of lawsuit isn’t going to work. “yeah…” he sputtered. “We tried court before, and it didn’t work too good…um…so…waaa-uh-oh..er…we’re trying again. Would you give $25?”

Why would I throw money down a hole like this? It’s not going to “work too good” this time either. Taking ISP’s to court doesn’t work. I told him that I’d look at their site and *if* it convinced me that it was a worthy cause, maybe I’d donate. In the meantime, I suggested that if he has all this information about child porn sites, he might want to get on the horn to the police. He didn’t like that. “um…yeah I don’t know…thanks…bye.” How quickly he wanted me off the phone.

Man, I’ve thought a lot of marketers were drones, but if it was possible to have a really dumb drone, I just met him. I wonder if this was his first, and last, day on the job.

(Visited 1 times, 1 visits today)

There are no comments

Your email address will not be published.