For The Land Of The Flat, And The Home Of The Tone-Deaf

Holy crap, I’m writing a hockey post. No, steve didn’t hack into my account and write this one. Well, I lied, it’s not really about hockey. It’s about the caterwauling of the national anthems that came before the December 6th game between the Leafs and the Rangers. To summarize, good god it was horrible.

It was sung by Dominic Chianese. Who the hell is that? Apparently he played Uncle Junior, whoever that is, on the sopranos. By the way he sang these suckers, he should stick to acting.

He started off with O Canada, and all I could picture was a conductor madly trying to keep him in rhythm! 1! 2! 3! 4! No, you’re off again! Get the man a metronome. It made me think of the disaster that happened when I was in the high school band and we played at the town’s remembrance day ceremony. We accompanied a man as he sang God Save the Queen. Well, we all finished, and then we heard the singer sing, “The queen.” One lone tuba tried to save us and accompany him again, but…well…it was too little too late.

Then there was the American national anthem. Oh lordy. We could just tell it was going to go bad, very bad. But we had no idea of the magnitude until it hit us. We were bracing for it in the star-spangled banner part, and that was bad enough. But when he hit the land of the freee-ee-ee-eeee, that was crazy. It was like he was in about four keys and sounded like a squeaking clarinet all at once. I didn’t know a human voicebox could hit that many notes simultaneously. You know it’s bad when Joe Bowen makes fun of it.

You know what really sucked? Nobody else we knew who are also big Leafs fans saw it. We asked a few different people, and they all missed it! Damn! Maybe good old Uncle Junior is hoping lots of people missed it too. Wow, what a trainwreck of an anthem that was.

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