The Babs Journal: Day 16 (May 24, 2005)

Long day, am tired and low and lacking in confidence. Went out in the morning with her, exhausted, stayed up too late. missed her peeing. Went out again, caught some of her poop but not all of it. Didn’t even feel her back do that thing. How am I going to get this right by Friday? When on long leash to busy, can’t reach her easily to touch her back, but short leash is too close for her. So must figure out how to do it on long leash.

Came back inside and we did have a delicious breakfast. I ate it so fast. Then I did my laundry..had to do it all in one load. Was tired, sat and played with her for a little while, am worried she doesn’t really like me, doesn’t like to put leash on, tries to get away, does she trust me? Do I trust her? Why didn’t this low point hit sooner?

Well, you were on your way here, that’s for sure.

Legs hurt, very stiff. Went out on walk, couldn’t focus. Legs cramped up, had to shorten walk, was sad. Came back to check on clothes. Dryer didn’t dry them. Tried again. Found Margery’s bra in the laundry room so brought it to her. Played with Amy, brought mine in and they played together, ha ha. Babs thinks she’s the alpha dog. She jumped on Amy and made like she was trying to hump her. She also stole Amy’s bone and tried to drink her water.

So that’s why now my dog is the humpee. It’s revenge!

I think I was covered in golden retriever hair. Anyway went out again, oh in the morning we went through a congested market and the dogs had to focus. I was having a hard enough time focusing, let alone my dog.

In the afternoon we did country walk, which was easier than I expected. Basically it’s walking down a country road with no curbs on either side, just shoulders and ditches. It was still stressful, but not as stressful as I remember suburban walks being. So that was this afternoon. Am supremely bagged now. Bagged times 10.

Came back, took her out for a something, still no good at telling what I’ve got. Fed her, and took her out again, found some poop I missed from before so picked up. Damn it. Got our centenal heartworm/flee/tic control pills that I’m to give her on June first and once every month until they’re gone…and then get them again in the spring I guess. Was hard to focus on vet because bagged. Couldn’t ask about lump because she was in too much of a hurry. Damn it. Want answer soon.

Left for dinner, was exhausted, feeling low. Dog was being sorta bad, was wondering if I was giving enough praise. Feeling scared to leave and sick of people bitching about the weather and the sandwiches. A. at least it’s still pretty damn good weather considering what it could be, and b. yeah sandwiches suck, but at least someone’s cooking for us. Please, it could be worse. We could have to train *and* make our lunches. But I know it’s just their way of dealing with being tired, missing their families, and we’re all getting on each other’s nerves. But part of me is afraid to leave. part of me is just terrified. What if I don’t trust her? I still catch myself doing silly things because I don’t trust her yet.

Went out for dinner, ate, was good, took Babs to bathroom stall. Was an art. Even with being a disabled bathroom stall, was interesting holding a sniffing dog and fighting with the door.

Had the first nitwit try and pet my dog and succeed in harnesss, ran off before I could tell him off. Arg.

Came out from restaurant, went to place for night walk. Was terrified. Why am I still losing confidence? Terrified of messing up. Sue was there too. I dropped the handle once and asked if I crossed ok cause she freaked me out cause the up curb was huge. Rest of the walk went well, except my legs are sore. Somebody just wheel me around when I get home, ha ha. Pain pain pain! Sue says we’re doing well. Came back here exhausted. dryer still didn’t work right. Super arg. Dogs seem exhausted. I’m exhausted. Should take pills and crash before I fall asleep where I sit. Bagged. Bagged and then some.

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