In God, We Trust….Or Else

I received an email from someone I’ve talked about here in less than flattering terms. That email set off a fuse, Here’s the resulting ca boom! I know I’m bound to offend some people. Oh well. Off I go.

To summarize, this email went on about the unfortunate fates of “those who mocked God.” It listed 8 people who, in some way or another, said they didn’t need god or some such. Then they died painful deaths. This is the one that pisses me off more than any of the others.

In Campinas, Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend. The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter holding her hand, who was already seated in the car: “My Daughter, Go With God And May He Protect You.” She responded: “Only If He (God) Travels In The Trunk, Cause Inside Here….It’s Already Full ”

Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died, the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact.

The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none was broken.

Riiiiight! Can you feel it? Can you? The seething, boiling of the blood? If that mother was any kind of mother, she wouldn’t have let her daughter get in that fucking car. Any good mother wouldn’t let her go with a pile of drunks, that’s why this story is nothing more than a fucking fake designed to try and convert the ones who aren’t already spouting this garbage out of fear that they’ll be next if they don’t start believing immediately. And why in hell were they carrying around a crate of eggs? I can just imagine the kids’ thoughts that night. “Wooo! Let’s go shopping, and then get wasted and party. Yeah!!!”

What in hell gives bible-thumpers like this the feeling that they can send this shit and it’s ok? How would they like it if I wrote something like this:

Don’t believe in god, or you’ll die. Here are just a few examples of those who prayed to god faithfully, and got rewarded for their faith with horrible deaths.

A neighbour I had was a very religious man. He gave to the church every month. He prayed. He believed in the hereafter, and handing all his problems to God. How did God repay him? He gave him cancer of the mouth and throat. At the end, the man couldn’t talk and could only pass notes to people. After a long period of suffering, he died at the age of 51! See what God can do for you?

Another friend had always been deeply faithful to god. She would sing hymns, pray, and speak of not much else other than her love for God. When she was still young, she developed a brain tumour. When doctors removed it, they severed her optic nerve, making her go blind. Another tumour grew back, and grew with a vengeance. When they finally removed it, it was the size of a large orange. The only problem was once it was removed, she fell into a coma. She never woke up, and they pulled the plug. So don’t believe in god, or you could get cancer, and your belief will only feed the tumour, and they may pull the plug on you.

I once new an older lady who loved life and God. She loved God so much that she would not say Jesus Christ. She would say Jeepers Twist. How did she meet her end? A short but dibilitating, painful battle with pancreatic cancer. At the end, she had to be on morphine to ease the pain. I guess God wasn’t doing enough, was He?

There was a young man who was going to go away to school to be a priest. He was mowing his lawn, and was creamed by a truck. They took him to the hospital, and saved his life, but when he awoke from his coma, he wasn’t the same man. He had to relearn how to walk, talk, and think. He had the inteligence of a small child. So don’t believe in God. He may have locked the lion’s jaw for Daniel, but don’t expect him to stop a truck for you.

And unlike that email, every single one of those are true stories. Wasn’t that…evil? Yes. Stupid? You betcha! Offensive? Damn right! How does it feel? Pretty low, if I actually meant those things. I wrestled with writing this because I feel like I’m disrespecting people who don’t deserve to be disrespected. But you know what? Neither do the people held up as examples of what will happen to you if you don’t say your Our Fathers every day. Shit happens to all kinds, not just people who mock God, or whatever.

And that, boys and girls, is one of the reasons why I cannot bring myself to be religious. What other power structures control their subjects by fear? I believe we call them dictatorships. Why would I voluntarily place myself under the rule of a dictator? Why would I want to live in fear knowing that if enough of us did something wrong, our leader would kill all of us but a chosen few? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that religion is bad and no one should believe in it. that would make me as bad as the bible-thumpers. If you can find comfort in it, go ahead. I can’t, so please don’t force it on me, ok?

Another major reason for not being a big fan of religion is its view of blind people. It’s also the source of a lot of bafflement for me. Why are there so many religious blinks if we’re viewed as unfit to come before the alter of God with a defect in our sight, or living punishments for our parents’ sins? Why would we feel good about being guilted for being the way we are? The best that a religious blink could come up with was, “Oh that! That’s in the old testament. Look at the new testament. We’re gifts now.” Huh?

This leads me to the third reason I can’t make myself believe. There are too many contradictions. Love thy neighbour unless he’s gay. Blind people are ug unless they’re a gift. Judge not lest ye be judged unless god told you to do otherwise. My head is spinning. It always had, always will.

As an aside, when I’m feeling especially giddy and somehow I start thinking about Noah’s Ark, who knows why I would think about such a thing, an amusing thought comes to mind. I imagine Noah ushering in the animals 2 by 2. I would assume he would want a male and a female of each species. I guess that’s obvious when you’re dealing with apes and cows and such, but how does one check insects for sex? Wouldn’t you crush a few before you established what they were?

Hmmm. I’m going to go for a big walk down to a plaza with a Tim Horton’s drive-through in it. I just mocked god. Maybe I’m gonna die! If the email I was sent is true, I should be scraped off the parking lot. But something tells me I’ll be back to offend some more folks in the near future.

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