Ted is working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw. In a horrible accident, he accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers.

He rushes to the emergency room at the local hospital as fast as he can.

The ER doctor says, “Wow! that’s pretty bad. Don’t worry, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.”

Ted says, “I haven’t got the fingers.”

The doctor says, “What do you mean, you haven’t got the fingers!? This is a modern hospital, we’ve got highly trained micro surgeons and all kinds of incredible techniques. We could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn’t you bring the fingers?”

Ted replies…

“Well, shit, Doc, I tried, but I couldn’t pick ’em up.”

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