They Do Say The Guilty Always Sleep, But Isn’t That Supposed To Be After They Get Caught?

When I first saw this story, I didn’t care about it, but upon closer inspection, I can’t stop laughing. I laughed so hard that Steve wondered what was so goddamn funny. Well, what do you think of the image of a couple of drunken fools breaking into a store, stealing a bunch of patio furniture, dropping some of it as they ran, and then setting the rest down and… snoozing on it? Let me quote from the story.

The camera caught Allen Pierce, a Monroe resident, with his shoes kicked off. He was curled up on a hammock pad. The assembly instructions for the collapsed hammock lay next to him.

Kyle Burress, of Everett, was photographed with his mouth open, sawing logs on pink patio-furniture pillows. A canvas barbecue cover was pulled up to his chin.

Even funnier was the description of the trail they left, which police followed right to them.

Pillows, empty cardboard boxes, backpacks, Presto logs and outdoor fire pits led to a grassy area out of sight about 200 feet away.

Two things, my sleeping friends. Fire pits? Plural? How many campfires were you planning on having? And 200 feet? Come on! Couldn’t you run a little further? Or were you so unbelievably drunk that you just passed out? They did say they thought a lot of alcohol was involved.

There are two things about this story that I wasn’t clear on. First, how long were they sleeping? They were found at 6 in the morning, and they unleashed their drunken mayhem in the wee hours of the morning, the story says. How wee are we talking? How did noone see the comfy campers for hours?

Second, why did the police dude need backup? Did he just call for backup so the two of them could laugh for a while at the sleeping stupidity before them?

The guys must have really been out, the police could snap pictures and wait for 20 minutes for backup and even then, they had to wake the pair up.

To the plastered pilferers of pillows, I hope you guys had a good sleep. You’re going to jail, and they have pictures of you with the evidence, so I don’t know how many more good sleeps you’re going to get in the next little while.

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