Sunday Morning Positivity

Who gave it permission to drop to 11 degrees outside in the middle of August? I realize I shouldn’t complain since in a few short months it’s going to be -11 and I’ll be longing for mornings like this here shitty one, but still, going from 30 and air so thick you could eat it with a fork to this, not cool. Ok so technically it is cool because I’m freezing right now, but you get the point. And who’s brilliant idea was it to have it rain for 2 straight days? Last weekend I was sick causing me to miss out on not only a barbecue but also one of the nicest holiday weekends in a while, and now this week I’m well and wanting to make up for it and the best idea I can come up with is building an ark. Screw you, nature!

Quick question for anybody out there who’s a fan of Cops. What happened? I’m not sure when it started, but over the last couple of years I’ve noticed that the show isn’t very good anymore. Are they not allowed to show as much as they used to be? Are people just not as insane as they once were? If the change in direction is a creative decision, give up. It isn’t working. Watch some re-runs and remind yourselves how it’s supposed to be done. Cops is one of the simplest concepts there is, and there’s no excuse for fucking it up.

I caught a little bit of Olympic women’s cycling this morning and it led me to another question. Is Clara Hughes actually a robot? She was doing colour commentary on the women’s road race and probably would have put me back to sleep had I not been so riveted by the sound of her voice. Seriously, I think she may have used 4 notes the whole time. But it wasn’t just that. She divided her words and sylables in a really strange way. “You see, here we have 4 wo-men near, the front of, the pack. It, will be in-ter-est-ing to see who has, the ab-ilit-y to sprint for, the, fi-nish when the, time…comes.” I can’t do her justice in writing, so if you catch a replay of the race, I command you to watch it.

I need to apologize to Life Is A Highway. Catchy little song, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean all of that bad stuff I’ve said about you over the years. I still don’t like you much, but through time and experience I’ve realized that things can get far worse than you. What brought me to this realization? That would be the insipid pile of unoriginal horseshit known as Kid Rock’s All Summer Long. Click that link at your own risk. Neither Vomit Comet World HQ nor myself, Carin or Matt as individuals assume any responsibility for contamination resulting from exposure to utter crap. Dont say I didn’t try to warn you.

So back to the song. It’s awful. I can think of no better way to describe it. I have to admit however that it does take a special sort of talent to take 2 great songs (Werewolves of London and Sweet Home Alabama), mash them together and wind up with a single, ungodly horrendous musical composition. I also have to admit that it takes a special sort of talent to rhyme the word things with things. Nice work, bob. Somebody went to the Lenny Kravitz Fly Away school of songwriting, didn’t he?

The bottom line is this: The nicest thing I can say about this song is that it is of no value whatsoever. It did inspire this rant, but it will never be of any use to anyone ever again.

I’m out of here for now, but I’ll surely be back later provided I don’t step outside and float away. Happy Sunday.

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