Last Updated on: 30th January 2018, 09:31 am
One of these things just doesn’t belong.
Four Guelph organizations have been awarded grants totalling about $290,000 to promote health and community involvement. The Ontario Trillium Foundation, a government agency, Tuesday announced grants to the following groups:
Family Counselling and Support Services for Guelph-Wellington: $108,100 to improve services for child victims of sexual abuse.
Volunteer Centre of Guelph/Wellington: $87,600 to create a community-based leadership program.
KidsAbility Centre for Child Development: $84,200 to train camp staff to integrate children with disabilities into their programs.
Guelph Symphony Orchestra: $10,000 to purchase orchestral music for their library.
There’s a meeting I wish I could have been at.
“Ok everyone, it’s time to give final approval to the submitted grant requests. So if you could all come to order we’ll go over what we have an make sure we’re all in agreement.
“First up we have Family Counseling and Support Services for Guelph-Wellington. They say they will be using the money to improve services for child victims of sexual abuse. All in favour?”
“Aye.”
“Very well.
Next up is the Volunteer Centre of Guelph/Wellington, who’s goal is to create a community-based leadership program. Certainly sounds laudable. All in favour?”
“Aye.”
“Perfect.
“Third on the agenda for today is the KidsAbility Centre for Child Development. They’re looking for funding to enable them to train camp staff to integrate children with disabilities into their programs. This should be easy. All in favour?”
“Aye.”
“And finally we come to…that’s strange, how did this get in here? Guelph Symphony Orchestra: $10,000 to purchase orchestral music for their library? Preposterous! Ok, joke’s over, who’s the wisenheimer?”
“Excuse me sir, I think I can explain.”
“Ok Ms. Brown, the floor is yours.”
“I think this request should be treated with the same seriousness as any of the others we consider here. Right now the citizens of Guelph are facing a horrible situation and many of them don’t even know it. There looms on the horizon the clear and present danger of a massive concerto shortage, and if we don’t act, that possibility could become very real.”
“uh-huh. And this has what impact exactly on the residents of this city?”
“Well, orchestral music is vital to the cultural development of any environment and I feel that it is our responsibility as agents of the government of this land to do all we can to provide enrichment whenever possible. Besides, the director contributed to the Honourable Mr. Johnson’s campaign under the table and I’m sleeping with the tuba player, so it’s in our best interests to push this right on through.”
“Well…when you put it that way…All in favour?”
“Aye!”
“Aye!”
“Aye!”
“IAyeayeayeayeayeayeayeayeaye!!!!!!!!!!”
” Excellent! Meeting adjourned.”
