Ok, cue the hatemail from family members of the poor unfortunate dumbass who I’m about to describe. What is it about people who are crushed by trains and their families always finding us?
Here at the Vomit Comet, we love us some man vs train stories. Who do you think wins? Need a refresher? We have the kid who tried to race a train with a skateboard, who acording to people on the comment boards was trying to kill himself. Even so, he raced a train with a skateboard. Then we have the man who was scratching off a lottery ticket on the train tracks while a train was coming up behind him who suffered the ultimate loss. People say he was deaf, but could he not feel the vibrations? Anyway, there’s that guy, and our latest post was the story of the barbecued dumbass who just had to climb on top of a parked train because it was there and got a little too close to some hydro wires. Well, I’ve got one better. This moron, along with his family, decided that it would take too long to wait for a moving train to go by. So, they decided to climb over it to get to where they were going. It was slow, right? So, they should be ok, right? Right? Well, dumbass no. 1 made it. So did dumbass no. 2. But dumbass no. 3, aka Russell Bluecloud, wasn’t so lucky.
I’m amazed the first two men made it. I’m also surprised they had successfully done it before, and had been doing it since childhood. Happily, one of them is smart enough to say he’d never do it again. Too bad it took the death of his nephew to realize that, um, it doesn’t matter how slow a train is moving. It’s a *train*! One false move, and the only movement you’ll be making is momentum as you’re dragged down the tracks. Next time, just wait for it to go by, ok? You’ll get where you’re going alive and uninjured.