I do…Not Like This Contest

Wow. These people are wondering why their contest is getting 0 entries. I’m not. Who are they? Their an abstinence education program. What’s their prize? A $10000-wedding giveaway. But, um, the contest has quite a few stipulations, or should I say deal-breakers, and I’m not even talking about the obvious one.

I’m picturing your average interested couple who are thinking about marriage. “Ooo! I could win a wedding! Lets’ take a look at the contest rules. Hmmm.

  • No premarital sex. Well I understand why they say that, they’re an abstinence group.
  • I have to go through premarital counselling with them? Hmm. well, some churches make you do that anyway.
  • I can’t serve booze at my own reception? Now, that’s getting a little pushy.
  • I have to invite the public? Nooo! Forget it! I’ll pay for my own damn wedding!”

Because the deadline of October 31 is approaching and they’ve had no entries, they’re willing to relax the requirements saying that if you’ve had premarital sex, you have to admit that it was the wrong choice.

There are so many problems with this that it’s not funny. First, there’s the basic problem with abstinence groups. when will they realize that it just doesn’t work, and the more you tell people something shouldn’t be done, the more they’re going to want to do it? I’d rather have people be responsible about sex than be uninformed about it and find it all out way too late. Plus, two people don’t always, hmmm, fit together, if you know what I mean. I’d rather know that before saying “I do.” They want a marriage to last a llifetime? Well, passionless marriages don’t usually do too well.

Then there’s the issue of verification. Anyone can say anything, but are they going to make you go and get a doctor to verify that the girl is a virgin? And don’t even get me started on that. *seethe seethe seethe* the dude could be screwing every girl in town. There’s no way to know if he’s pure and chaste. Ug. Why did I just write that word. And what if, horror of horrors, she was sexually abused as a child? Are they disqualified? The abstinence group can fuck right off, har har har, as far as I’m concerned. There is no justification for making someone get a medical exam to win a wedding.

But I don’t think that’s the main reason there are no takers. Who in their right mind would let John Q. Public come to their wedding? A wedding is something where you choose your guests because you want them to celebrate with you. You don’t want creepy neighbour Bob showing up because he can. and no booze? come the fuck on! I don’t drink much, I’ll only have the fruity drinks and I can’t stand wine and champagne and stuff, and I know everybody has booze at their wedding. It’s just part of the whole thing. It doesn’t mean it has to turn into a drunken brawl. Sometimes it does, as evidenced by our crazy wedding theme we’ve got going on, but people can be assholes when they’re sober too.

All I can say is ha ha ha ha ha. I understand their trying to make themselves seem cool by giving away a wedding, but can we snip some of the attached strings, please?

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