My Poor dog, Getting all the Blame

I feel like I’m repeating myself, but whatever. I guess repetition is good. Let me try and explain something once and for all. When I’m standing at the corner getting ready to cross the street, my dog does not decide when it’s safe to go. I do. If I say go and she sees cars …

Have Fun Explaining To The Kids Why All Of Their Presents Have The Blood From Your Hands On Them

A while back when I mentionedhow dumb I think Black Friday is,things like this were exactly what I had in mind. A Wal-Mart worker was killed Friday when “out-of-control” shoppers desperate for bargains broke down the doors at a 5 a.m. sale. Other workers were trampled as they tried to rescue the man, and customers …

A Question And a Big Thank You, Mr. Postman.

Here’s another episode of postal what the hell? today I got parcel cards. They told me where I was supposed to go to get these parcels. So off I went. I arrive at 1:30 or so, and the person looks at me, all sad. “You’re parcels aren’t here yet.” she says. “the delivery driver doesn’t …

Mr. Dummy, Meet A Bunch Of Cops Who Feel Like Dummies.

This would have been really embarrassing. An alarm went off at a bank, so cops showed up. They saw what looked like a figure standing inside. The blinds were drawn so it was hard to see. They started yelling at the figure through bullhorns, then tried to phone inside. they sealed off the area and …

I Wish I Was Third Ear Deaf

A hearty congratulations goes out to the grade 7 kid with ADD who wrotethis songand sold it to Third Eye Blind. Please, somebody, explain to me what the hell is going on lyrically here. We’re going from KFC to breakfast to Iraq to punk bands to implants and terror alerts to…I’m not even sure anymore. …

Nope, That Land Mine Wasn’t Combat-Related

Oh boy, here we go, with more reasons to call the Pentagon a bunch of pricks. We’ve talked about their previous bullshit before. Now, thanks to a quiet change in legislation, soldiers can even get blown up in Iraq and if they’re not hit by shrapnel or a bullet, their disabilities are not considered combat-related. …