>The Only Thing Growing Is Suspicion

>I’m kinda rattled, so maybe it would help if I wrote this down.

I went today for my once a year appointment with my endocrinologist. Oh I feel like someone with not much of a life, blogging about medical issues. But I’m upset by what happened, and I’m hoping that someone else might read this and either provide me with some insight or tell me they went through the same thing or something.

I think I’ve written about this guy filling out my GDB medical form wrong, and I’ve talked about him not wanting to acknowledge that something was obviously his problem. Well, today, he made me really mad.

I went in for my annual visit, something I feel is a complete waste of time because he barely remembers who I am, or the issues I’ve had. I was so upset about this last year because he didn’t remember filling out that form that he botched, nor did he remember getting me a TB test. He actually had the balls to look at me and deny that he filled out the form and gave me the test, even though I know that he filled out the form because he was my only doctor at the time, and I got the test at his clinic because he got it for me at an awesome discount. That’s a bad mistake, doc, telling me that I’m completely wrong about something where I know I’m completely right. I have a very good memory and I don’t like being told I’m crazy when I know I’m not. He denied it so fiercely that I bet him 20 bucks that I could produce the form, complete with his John Hancock and slap it on his goddamn desk. I did. I never got my 20 bucks, but I got a personal call from him to tell me that my blood tests were normal. I think that was the best he could do.

Worse than that, he doesn’t seem to remember all the crises I went through years ago. I know he has a lot of patients, but for the love of Pete, at least read my chart before I walk in there so you don’t forget, oh, say, the fact that I was pretty damned ill, I’d venture to say almost dead, and we had to switch some pills.

After that, I went to my family doctor and asked if there were any other endocrinologists in town. She told me that there weren’t, so he was my only option. She placated me by saying that if I had a problem, she could give me an urgent referral to another one if this one wasn’t listening. So I went away. But today, he made me mad all over again.

ever since I’ve gone to him, he’s asked me if I’d ever consider getting growth hormone again. This, obviously, would not make me grow, but it might help me with other things. It means injections every day, and it’s expensive if not covered. At first, it was just sort of a suggestion. “have you ever heard of this?” That sort of thing. Then I didn’t see him for a while, ya know, when I stopped taking all my pills, but we’ve been there before. When I saw him in 2003, I was in no shape to talk about it. Getting my body bak on track from being a dumbass was the focus of the day. In 2004, it certainly wasn’t something to talk about. I was unexplainably very very ill. that, and mom and dad went in with me to the appointment because I felt I was getting absolutely nowhere with him on my own. He just kept referring me back to my family doctor I had at the time, and she thought this was all in my head. Yeah, the fact that I’m weak, my blood pressure’s so low and fluctuating that the only way to get a reading is to have me stand up, and I have intermittent breathing problems is in my head. Whatever floats your boat. But once mom was in there with me, things got done. funny how that works.

then, in 2005, it happened again. He asked me if I would be interested in trying growth hormone. He said it helped some people’s energy levels and strengthened bones, but the results were speculative anyway. the bone part mildly interested me, since another medication I take has the capacity to thin bones, and I don’t want to get osteoperosis. He said he’d write a letter explaining to the government why I needed it, and it would be covered…if I wanted to go down this road. I said I’d think about it, but if the results were only speculative, then I don’t think the benefits outweighed the risks. He said ok.

then, in 2006, he asked me more questions about my energy levels. It didn’t matter how many times I said my energy levels were fine. He would tell me about how growth hormone made some people feel better, perkier, but you never knew who it was going to help. I told him about how I had trouble receiving the injections as a kid, and so I’d probably need someone to give them to me since my arms and thighs didn’t work so well as injection sites, and this whole thing seemed like too much trouble. He told me to tell him if I changed my mind.

I can’t honestly remember if he asked me the next time I saw him in 2006, but I think the only reason I saw him then was because we were checking on whether a certain medication was working the way it should, so he wanted to see me. but by then, he’d already sent in the form to GDB saying I had chronic fatigue from an unknown origin. Hmmm. He’s always wondering about my energy levels, energy levels which, if too low, would warrant trying this growth hormone thing. Hmmm.

I saw him last year, and that’s when he couldn’t remember that he’d done the form, denied saying that I had fatigue issues, couldn’t remember one of the medicines I take. I think I was so upset at him that he didn’t ask me about the hormones.

Then, today I walk in, and everything’s good. He asks me his usual questions, and then launches into “How’s your energy level.” I said it was fine. He again gets on the growth hormone jag, with more insistence about what would be involved if I wanted to be on it. woe woe woe! I never said I wanted to be on it! I had always said I wasn’t sure, leaning toward no! Why all this talk of what tests I would have to get to prove to the government that I would need the stuff? Why all the talk about the difficulty in finding the right dose? What the hell was happening here? I said to him the only reason I would think about being on it was if it would prevent osteoperosis, and he said “Well, those effects are only mild.” Then why in the sweet christ would I want to go through all this? He couldn’t really say, just kept going back to the energy level. Dude, I walk for miles with the dog! My energy is fine! He was outlining the risks, and said, “not that I’m trying to talk you out of it.” Dude, did I send a signal that I wasn’t aware of? You would have to talk me *in* to it.

He was asking me strange questions today. Out of the blue he says, “Have you ever had a seizure?” What? no! Never! Why? He won’t say. Then he wonders why I haven’t seen the neurologist in a while. Uh, dude, you sent me to him when you didn’t believe that my headaches were caused by a medication. You wanted to rule out other things. I appreciate the wanting to rule out other things, but why would I have to see the neurologist again? At one point, he kept asking me over and over, “You haven’t had any operations this year?” That’s a weird one. He never asks me that. No, I’m pretty sure I’d remember the whole anesthesia and all that.

At the end of it all,he says, call me if you change your mind about the growth hormone thing. He really seems to want me to take this stuff, but I can’t figure out why. there’s a part of me that’s wondering if he’s getting money from whoever manufactures it.

So here’s why I’m posting this. I’m praying that the power of google will lead the right people to this post. Has anyone else had dealings with this guy and had him really push hard for you to take any drug? I know there aren’t too many people with growth hormone deficiencies, so I don’t want to narrow it to just growth hormone. His name is Dr. Cameron Purdon. He’s in Guelph now, but I don’t know where else he’s been. I’m not trying to accuse him of anything, I’m just weirded out by all the pushing for growth hormone. Or maybe someone could give me other reasons why he’s pushing so hard for me to do this. Is there something I should know? the guy can be kind of awkward, so maybe he’s thinking of something and the message isn’t getting from brain to mouth. I have hypopituitarism, and sometimes it’s been called pan hypopituitarism.

Any way you slice it, I’m uneasy. I don’t know what to think, and I know I have to be careful when discussing my feelings about him with other doctors, like my family doctor, because doctors have this protectiveness towards each other. She’s been not bad so far, but I just never know when the guard will go up. Hope someone out there might be able to shed some light on this for me.

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