I Wish I Was Third Ear Deaf

A hearty congratulations goes out to the grade 7 kid with ADD who wrotethis songand sold it to Third Eye Blind.

Please, somebody, explain to me what the hell is going on lyrically here. We’re going from KFC to breakfast to Iraq to punk bands to implants and terror alerts to…I’m not even sure anymore. And check out the part in the middle where they just completely lose track of everything. If you can’t figure out where that is, here’s a hint: gay Republicaaaaaaaaaaaaaans!

I’m all for making political statements through song, but it’d be nice if you didn’t try to cram every one you’ve ever had into the same one, fellas. I know you’ve been out of the spotlight for a while and theoretically have a lot to say, but Jimminy Christmas, let’s slow it down a tad, ok?

On the plus side, I give them points for the real vs. artificial non dairy creamer metaphor that the song is built on. It had me howling with laughter. What? it’s not supposed to be funny? Uh-oh…well…hmmm…this isn’t going well at all. Why do I imagine my last sentence also being spoken by the people that recorded this?

After some more of whatever the hell this is culminating with the repeated singing of mission accomplished, the song ends with about a minute of pointless playing that leads pretty well nowhere, which when you stop and think about it, makes perfect sense.

I hope this is an unfinished version of the song, and that they plan on fixing it up at some point. and by fixing it up, I mean deciding not to release it to radio. Listening to it once or twice was funny, but you know how radio is about these things. For the sake of everybody, we can’t let that happen.

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