>Failed Advertising

>I’ve got a bunch of things that make me go “What the hell?” when I see them on the TV, so I thought maybe if I wrote them up here, somebody could explain them. either that, or everyone will be just as baffled as I am. they’re all TV commercials.

Ok, in the first one, all I hear is a Toonie dropping, and then the words “a message from the government of Canada.” What’s up with that? Why is the government throwing Toonies around? Shouldn’t they be holding on to every one they can get? I’m sure there’s a message, but it eludes me. I’d look the thing up on YouTube and link to it, but I don’t know what I’m looking for. All I hear is, clang, “A message from the government of Canada.” Clang. “A message from the government of Canada.”

Here’s another one that’s come out around Christmas for a couple of years. It’s just a girl singing Silent Night. What’s this about?

I’ve noticed a trend in commercials where they’re so confusing that nobody has an earthly clue what they’re about. I’m not even talking about the ones that confuse us because there’s nothing to audibly indicate what the hell product they’re advertising. Sometimes the commercial is like a mini-movie and there’s so much going on that even sighted folk wonder what the hell the point is. Somebody failed out of advertising school.

But these next two were the two commercials that made me right this post. There’s a commercial that shows up when Judge Judy is on. It says something like “Judge Judy sees what other judges don’t. Still think she’s like other judges?” Then there’s a pause and she says “Try that in heels!” What the hell happens there? Woohoo, I can give you a link to this one. You have to fast-forward past a bunch of stuff, but when you get to the commercial break, there it is! I’m dead curious.

And this commercial scares me just because it has such, um, fine specimens in it. It’s for some stupid invention called the gas gripper. Ok, the premise is either you don’t want to touch the gas nozzle because it’s germy, or you have arthritic hands and it hurts to hold the handle down, so this thing will hold the nozzle, and somehow stop when your tank is full. that part I don’t get. But anyway, the people singing this thing’s praises are, well, pieces of work.

  1. Does the first woman really say, “My sister could really use the Gas Gripper. She has Sclera Derma and her hands are all disformed and amputated and fingers. She could really use this all the time.” What the fuck does that even mean? And it sounds like she’s reading that passage! She wrote that out and thought that was good!
  2. Why does the one woman need to tend to her kids while it pumps her gas? What kind of demon children does she have?
  3. How the hell is that other woman getting gas on her clothes, and her hands, and stinking up the place forever? I’ve never heard anyone pump their gas and go “Ug! I smell like gas! I always get it all over my hands!”

all the people in that commercial sound really dopy. I think they’ve been sniffing gas instead of pumping it.

And that’s all the mysteries I can think of. Hope you at least had fun.

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