If You Slipped in a Bathtub and Can No longer View Images, You May Be Entitled To A Huge Random Blog Post

I had a few thoughts going through my head, so thought I’d write them down.

Every so often I get the CNIB newsletter, and at the top, there’s a link that makes me chuckle, cackle, giggle and guffaw. It says “If you have trouble seeing images, click here.” Heeheeheehehehehe. I know what they’re trying to say, but I’m just picturing the number of clients who phone and say they couldn’t see the images any better after they clicked there. Hehehehehehe. I’m easily amused.

Have you ever thought that in that Crazy Train song, Ozzy’s saying “Olive oil!” instead of “All aboard?” I never did until one day I was looking for oil in the cupboard and a commercial came on with that little clip in it, and bang! My brain thought he said “olive oil!” And I haven’t been able to hear it the same since. It must be the Islam is the light phenomenon.

Do you think the old woman in the Premier bathrooms commercial sounds evil? Do you get the sense she hopes you’ll slip in your bathtub so she can get all your money? No? Probably not. I don’t know what it is, but it keeps reminding me of that part of Dolores Claiborn where Vera tells Dolores about old men slipping in bathtubs or having their brakes fail…or they fall down wells, etc.

And here’s another commercial that bugs me. I can’t find the damn thing, but it’s a commercial for O’Brien boyd, one of those injury lawyer firms. It starts off all scary with this woman saying something like “Clarissa Hughes was just heading to the store for a gallon of milk…” and then you hear her go “Oh my god!” and some screeching tires and then a bump that sounds like it could happen at bumper cars. And then she says her life was changed forever and she got justice. Does the accident look any good? I saw that and thought “ooo, you might have whiplash. Get over it.” It didn’t make me think “Go get ’em, O’brien Boyd!” Now, that kid who gets smoked on his bike by a texting truck driver, that’s an accident with good sound! Actually, that sounded like gallon of milk lady’s accident should have sounded. A kid getting crushed by a truck should have sounded way worse. but at least they seemed to have learned a few things.

And don’t you find it weird when they show those class action drug lawsuits and they say things like “If you or a loved one suffered injury or death, call us at…” Wait, wait wait wait! Dead bodies can hear the ad and use phones? Shouldn’t they need a Ouija board to call them or something? I know they say “or a loved one,” but they also say “you.” That always stood out to me.

And while I’m picking on lawyers and wording, there’s an ad that always makes me laugh when I see it. It says “If you see incidents of nursing home abuse, call us.” Hmmm. Nursing home abuse. So when the old guy kicked the wall, I guess he was committing nursing home abuse. I know what they’re going for, but they make it sound like those poor buildings are getting needlessly battered.

And I think that’s about it. I hadn’t done one of those in a while. Hope you had fun.

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