Failure Pile In A Sad Bag

Poor, poor Freddy Delavega. He must be a desperate, desperate man. But his bank robbery attempt didn’t go well at all, and he had such, well, noble intentions. all he wanted to do was make it so his girlfriend didn’t have to sell her body to the night. I wonder if her name was Roxanne.

His first fail was the note he handed to the teller. It read “Give me all the money! No Tricks!! No alams. No dye packs. Be FAST!” Wow, he could spell dye correctly, but could not master “alarms.” Oh dear. He instructed the teller to place the money in aMcDonald’s paper bag, which promptly ripped open when he took it from her. Hahahahaah! The only part of this that wasn’t a fail was the fact that as he bent down to pick up the money, shouting that he had a weapon, nobody rushed him and held him. I mean he was bent down picking up his fallen cash!

Then he ran away and got into a truck driven by a dude that didn’t even know he’d robbed the bank. The truck’s license plate got written down by a bystander and it was promptly stopped, at which point our star of the show started slashing his own throat and had to be tasered and taken to hospital. that was when he said that he only took the money so his girlfriend wouldn’t have to have sex for money anymore. He was also overheard telling her that he thought it would solve all their money problems. Nope. Now you have more bills.

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