>You Are Here?

>I just did a quick check, and it appears I haven’t done one of these since last November. Wow, that seems like way too long. So I’ll spare you a whole lot of banter since I don’t have much of substance to say today (How is this different from most other days?) and we’ll get straight into what’s been on the minds of you, our search engine cruising readership.

28 Apr, Tue, 18:41:21
Google:
“i have only nine fingers”

Unfortunately, I don’t think Googling for the 10th one is going to help much.

01 Apr, Wed, 16:08:13
  Google:
“carin and steve” marriage

I’m calling shenanigans on this one. Nice try though, Carin.

30 Dec, Tue, 02:02:18   
  Google:
eat pussy that has no genital warts

This seems less like a quest for information and more like somebody is trying to be a big brother to the search engine. You know, giving it the sort of wise advice that can only come from years of experience.

15 Jan, Thu, 21:35:22
Yahoo:
i have a weener dog that is really scared and when i get near it it runs away how do i get rid of that

If you’re looking to get rid of it, keep getting near it and it will keep running away. That should work unless it stops running when you’re not close enough to it. That could be a problem.

12 Dec, Fri, 08:41:56
Google:
what happens when ambulance crew come to help for lockjaw during oral sex

I can’t speak for everybody here, but when I’m in need of an ambulance crew, I’m hoping for one that’s not having oral sex when it shows up. But I guess if I’ve got lockjaw, I’m not in much of a position to complain about it.

19 Jan, Mon, 00:44:46
  Yahoo:
does it hurt when girls spirm

I’m the wrong person to ask, but I’d think it wouldn’t hurt as much as this…

09 Dec, Tue, 02:48:31
Google:
does it hurt to stick a q-tip down your urethra

31 Jan, Sat, 21:41:35
Yahoo:
how to make spirm come out of your dick

If this isn’t already the title of a health textbook, somebody needs to work on that ASAP.

17 Nov, Mon, 09:30:43
Google:
can a child get syphiliswhat happens when the scabies get in you head of your penis

The less time spent thinking about what spawned this search the better. Agreed?

08 Apr, Wed, 18:26:33
Yahoo:
ugly stupid shit wiring plumbing in overalls with pumpkin

It wouldn’t be right if we didn’t throw out a little something for the folks in the What the Fuck Department. We get a lot of searches along the “ugly stupid shit” line, but I’m dying to know where the “with pumpkin” thing came from.

07 Nov, Fri, 08:07:04
Google:
gimpy ankle family site:blogspot.com

That was the strangest fetish type entry I could find…until this guy showed up.

13 Apr, Mon, 16:41:16
Yahoo:
LITTLE GIRLS SUCKING BOG BICKS

As far as I can tell, what we have on our hands here is either a pedophile with extremely poor typing skills or somebody who enjoys watching little kids eat pickles in a swamp. I’ll let you make the call.

That’s all I’ve got, but believe me, there will be more. As long as people are free to use the internet without passing any kind of intelligence test first, there will always be more.

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