Theme From The Bottom…Of The Barrel

Hot on the heels oftheir attempt to get the Pet Shop Boys to change their name to the Rescue Shelter Boys,the good folks from PETA are making another forray into the music industry.

Today’s target is Phish, who obviously need tochange their name to Sea Kittens, at least for a while.

My only question is how did they not come up with this sooner? Oh right, they were probably too busyexploiting dead people for personal gain.

“Dear Trey, Jon, Mike, and Page (aka Phish),

“I am writing on behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and our more than 2 million members and supporters worldwide–many of whom are Phish fans, of course. We have a new campaign in which we generate empathy for fish by rebranding them as ‘sea kittens.’ Would you contribute to our efforts and end your tour on a high note by temporarily renaming Phish ‘Sea Kittens?’

“We launched our ‘Sea Kittens’ campaign because few people are aware that fish are actually smart animals with personalities. For example, they communicate and develop relationships with one another, feel pain when injured (their lips are particularly sensitive, and they use them like we use our fingers), show affection by gently rubbing against other fish, and even grieve when other fish they like die.

“However, billions of them are kidnapped (er, kitten-napped) from their watery homes each year. As they are dragged from the ocean depths, fish endure an excruciating decompression process (which often causes their internal organs to rupture) before suffocating on the ship’s deck.

“Our campaign aims to convince people to choose tasty vegetarian meals instead of fish flesh and to pick harmless outdoor activities such as hiking instead of impaling fish with metal hooks for fun. Whether they are catfish or cats, bass or basset hounds, all animals deserve lives free from needless pain.

“Phish has a long history of promoting social justice. Renaming the band Sea Kittens would be a great way to help sea kittens rock on, free from fishing nets and hooks, even if just for a day. Please let me know what you decide, and best of luck with your future endeavors.

“Michelle Cho
“Special Projects Manager”

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