Hmm. what’s new since I last got the keyboard? A lot, that’s what. Remember how I liked that guy who sold all that yummy fruit? Well, I guess he doesn’t like us too much, he doesn’t sell his yummy fruit near where we live anymore. We have to go far, far away to get that yummy fruit. But now I like him even better! He has decided he likes the place where my food lives! He’s a smart man, that fruit man. We have similar tastes. Hmmm. Is that good? Most humans don’t like my food. Why does he?
Maybe he doesn’t like the food, maybe he likes that thing that confuses me. It can fly and has feathers…so it’s a bird? but it barks…is it a dog? But it can also whistle at people. Maybe he likes that bird…dog…bird…dog…thing.
carin did something really weird. One time, we learned how to find a place that smelled like dogs and all kinds of good things. Ooo. Another place that smells like dogs and good things? That sounds like fun. But one day we showed up there and they threw me in a big bathtub! Then they put a thing around my neck so I couldn’t get out! There I was, getting a bath in this place that smelled all nice like dogs. It didn’t smell like unhappy dogs like the vet place. How could they do this to me here? I’ll fix her wagon. I’ll never find that place again!
For a little while, we did strange things. Some nights, really late after I’d done my final business, we’d head downstairs and meet the lady with the funny belly that I love to sniff. But once we got to her house, Carin would just flop out on her couch and I’d lay beside her on the floor. Ok, so instead of sleeping in my own bed, we sleep in her place for no reason? I do notice that Carin always keeps her phone close by, and if the lady with the big belly comes to talk to her, she sits up really quick. She doesn’t seem to sleep well when we’re there. So neither do I. What are we watching for? Can I roof at it? I like to roof if something weird and sudden happens. Plus, the man who rescued me from those salty steps is always gone when we’d stay there. Why are we staying there when he’s gone? Why don’t we ever do this while he’s there?
We did a lot of stuff with the lady with the funny belly. One time we went to that place in the building that smells like everybody’s clothes and laundry soap. She was washing her clothes, and then she was washing clothes that would only fit a really really really really small human. I’ve never seen a human that small. Is that what those are for? And why is she washing really small human clothes? Is she going to shrink?
And once, she was showing Carin some toys. I thought they were for me! Stuffed toys for me? Oh lady with the funny-smelling belly, you’re too kind! And they even move and make noies! Oh, they’re not for me? Well who else is going to play with them?
then one day, I think it was the day I got that evil bath, Carin got really excited and we took the bus and then another bus and then we arrived at a building that smelled like a giant people vet. After taking an elevator and walking down a big hall, we got to aroom, and lying in a bed was the lady with the funny-smelling belly! But it was different now, and I couldn’t get near enough to sniff. And there was something laying beside her. It was wearing those really really really small human clothes. It was a really really really small human! But it had no fur on its head like every other human I’ve ever seen. Is it a baby human? Hmm. If it’s a baby human, and when we’re babies, we’re called puppies, was it a huppy? I guess it’s a huppy.
So that’s what was going on. She was having a huppy! But now I’m confused. Was that little huppy the thing making all those wooshing sounds? How could that little huppy make so much noise? And how come she only had one huppy? If my mom had had only 1 puppy, they would have wondered what was wrong with her! My mom had 8 puppies!
I now no what that bed with the bars around it is. It’s a crate for the huppy! But how come it’s open at the top instead of the front? And how come the top doesn’t close?
And the huppy has his own car that gets to drive on the sidewalk! What’s up with that? They put him in there and wheel him everywhere. If Carin walks with the lady whose belly smells normal again, I have to look out for huppy car wheels.
Man this huppy is spoiled. If he’s not in the huppy car, they carry him everywhere. And he doesn’t do his business in the big water bowl like the other humans, but he doesn’t do it outside like me! What does he do? He has a huppy poop bag that’s strapped right to him! When he does it, they just take it off and put another huppy poop bag on. He doesn’t have to hold it, he just goes and then they take it away. Ah, the life. wonder if I can ever get a sweet deal like that.
So I wonder if the huppy eats like us puppies eat. We’d all gather around mom and she had little nipple things and we’d all have a drink. But the lady doesn’t have nipple things…unless…those are nipple things? Ok then. Maybe the huppy is more like a puppy after all.
So, this huppy…can I see it? Every time I try to sniff it, lick it, I get told to stop. Why? That’s the only way I can learn about the huppy. Well I guess I’m just going to have to look at the huppy. Carin likes to hold him a lot.
I’ve noticed something that really makes me mad. If we walk somewhere with the lady and the huppy, the huppy gets all the attention. When I used to hear “Aww,” it was for me! Now it’s for the huppy. It’s all about the huppy. “Can I see him?” “How old is he?” “Is he sleeping through the night?” It’s like I’m not even there.
And I can’t figure out what’s so special about this huppy. I mean, he can’t even hold up his head or walk or talk. He can make sound, but it’s always the same. “Waaa! weee-aaa! Weee-eee-ee-aaaa-ee-aaa! Waaaa!” Is that the only word he knows? What does it mean? Sometimes the lady thinks it means he needs a new poop bag. Sometimes she thinks it means he needs to drink from her nipple things. I’m pretty good at English. I can’t tell the difference between “I did my business” and “I want a drink” in huppy speak.
I met another huppy, and he was about the same. He couldnt’ walk or move or talk and he had to be held all the time. These humans think they’re so smart. Their huppies sure don’t show it.
When I was his age, I had already started walking, eating kibble and I’d been put on the big puppy truck to go to the lady who took care of me for the next bunch of time. This makes me wonder something. Do huppies not get huppy socializers? That doesn’t seem like a lot of fun. Or are Carin and the fat man with the nice balls his huppy socializers? They do hold him a lot. And will a huppy truck arrive one day and it’ll be full of those weird-shaped huppy crates and they’ll put him in there and take him to a huppy-raiser? He’s been with his mom for about as long as I got with mine. Where’s the huppy truck?
I love this time of year, but I hate when the humans fire off things that go boom and make lights show up in the sky. they’re loud and they scare me. When I think they’re going to come again, I start to shake and they haven’t even shown up yet. Carin thinks I’m crazy, but most of the time I’m right.
And there’s that big giant thing that people swim in. I really want to get in it. Please please please can I can I can I? Once I even got to come through the gate and get close, but oh no, I can’t go in. I like to swim! Please can I swim?
This time of year is great because I get to play in the grass! If I get really excited, I’ll rip up some grass, but I never eat it. I just shake my head and fling it in all directions. Weee! Look at it go! But Carin doesn’t like it when I do that. She says I’ll make bald patches everywhere. Oh come on. Let me have some fun.
Ok, I’ve been in lots of things that move. I’ve been in big cars and little cars and golf carts. I’ve been in the flying car bus thing, and a bus thing and city buses too. I’ve been on short rides on these car bus things that travel on tracks and go bumpa bumpa. But I got to ride in a bigger one of those things that goes bumpa bumpa on tracks and I got to lie down! Awesome.
I don’t mind being inside it. I sleep and sleep and sleep. But I don’t like waiting for it to pull in at the station. Those bumpa bumpa things are big big big and move fast fast fast. they make me nervous. One pulled in behind us and I thought ok, I’ll just make sure it doesn’t get any closer. Then one pulled in in front of us! Now I had nowhere to go if the one behind us decided to move! I was sure I was going to be squished by bumpa bumpa things! What was I supposed to do? Phew. Neither one moved and we got on the one in front of us.
Just a few days ago, we got on a bus thing. Carin was so excited. I wanted to bounce with her. What was going on? Why was she so excited? Oh well, happy happy, bounce bounce.
I got off the bus and we were in a place I’d never been before. Whatever. Then I got on another bus thing. When I got off that one, I almost lost my mind! Standing there at the bottom of the bus steps were two of the people who I spent that bunch of time with before I learned all the hard stuff!
So this was why she was so excited. I held it together…until Carin took the harness off. Boing! boing! Boing! Hello! Hello! Lick lick boing!
I tried to guide Carin, but it was too hard. What was going on? Where were we going? I was in heaven! The people who took care of me as a puppy and got me used to stuff and taught me sit and heel and down and stay and don’t chew the shoes and do my business outside and don’t bark and all that stuff were here together in one place! I eventually calmed down some, but I wanted to run, run run with them everywhere! I never thought I’d see them again! Hello! How are you? What do you smell like? What stories can you tell me?
We walked all over the place and they ate at a restaurant and then we slept in a room. The next morning we walked some more and then we got on a weird thing. Carin and the people I love so much were all wearing these giant plastic bags that had holes for their heads and arms. Why were they wearing a bag? And what was this thing? It had rails and it was wet. Carin put my raincoat on me. But it’s sunny out! What’s wrong with her?
We found a seat and the thing started moving. It felt funny. I think I’d felt it once before as a puppy. Water went woosh! Woosh! under the thing we were in. We were floating along, and then, then…rain came at us! Lots of rain! I tried to get out of the way of the rain, but Carin told me to sit! Why? I didn’t want to get my ears wet in the rain.
then it was over and their plastic bags were wet. My head and legs were wet, but the rest of me was dry. Ah well, that wasn’t so bad.
Then we walked around some more on these small streets with lots of people and shops and all kinds of stuff. there were horses and dogs and other people…it was so hard to pay attention when I was so happy happy happy and there was so much stuff to see!
At the end of the day, I was tired. We came back to the place where Carin and I met them and they rubbed my belly lots. They seemed sad. Sad? Why? Then Carin and I got back on the bus and they didn’t get on. Hmmm. So I guess this is goodbye again. But I’m still with Carin. This is good.
I got back home, and there was the fat man with the nice balls! Yea fat man with the nice balls! Hello! How are you? How are you? Happy to see you! It was good to be home.
I saw someone else I hadn’t seen in a while. I think Carin calls him Chuck. When he showed up, I ran around and bounced and snorted and showed him I liked him. He smells like lots of dogs. I don’t see him a lot. He seemed to like to see me too. We went on a walk to a place I’d never been before and I showed him that I’m still good and happy and like my job. It was a good time.
Wow. A lot has happened to me! But it’s all good. I’m still with Carin and the fat man with the nice balls. Life is never boring. I wonder what we’ll do next.