>If you’re the type of guy who holds knives to the throats of store employees and threatens to kill them while you rob their businesses of cigarettes and cash for a living, it’s likely a stretch to say the least for a reasonable person to believe that you have emotions. but22-year-old Scott Thomas Zeilinskiwould like you to know that he has some, and that getting shot while he’s just going about his business makes him sad, thank you very much. And just how much does it sadden him? Well, according to the lawsuit he’s filed, he is saddened to the tune of $125,000, possibly more.
Zeilinski, who we should perhaps start calling Muffin from this point on, says that not only did getting shot in the arm and back hurt him on the inside, but that it also caused him significant physical distress. I’m sure that after reading his story, the line to cause him a little more is already forming at a pretty good clip.
I have no more words for this…man(?), so I will now do some community service (a concept with which Muffin here is doubtless familiar) and do some find and replace re-wording of this newspaper article since it’s all wrong. I’ll leave in the mistakes and put the corrections in italics.
CLINTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. – The criminal is finding new and legal ways in itself a crime to victimize the people he ripped off and threatened to kill.
“Ridiculous,” says a loyal and longtime customer of Nick’s Short Stop Party Store regarding 22-year-old Scott Thomas Zeilinski Muffin Snowflake McSadpants’ decision to sue the store owner and some of the clerks after he, Zeilinski McSadpants, was shot during an armed robbery.
Zeilinski McSadpants, a name that won’t do him any favours other than to educate him on why it’s called the pokey is serving an 8-22 year sentence for the robbery that happened in November of 2007.
According to police and court records, Zeilinski McSadpants came in wearing a mask and carrying a knife that he put to the throats of several employees, threatening to kill them before stealing cigarettes and cash. As he was leaving–reportedly still making threats–one of the young clerks grabbed a gun and shot him in the arm and back not hitting him in the spine for obvious reasons. Zeilinski’s lawyer McSadpants’ say anything no matter how stupid for a dollar ambulance chaser says his client baby is asking in excess of $125,000 for pain and suffering for not liking getting what he deserved and emotional distress for having his poow wittle feewings huwt.
Since the robbery the store owner has spent thousands of dollars money that should be coming out of Muffin’s ass, where as mentioned a lot of things will be coming into and out of over the next couple decades on security to keep his employees safe. He says he is hoping nothing like this ever happens again.
Zelinski McSadpants says the incident “ruined his life” no way he didn’t beat it to it and believes the store is responsible for it because he is a fool.
There, that looks a lot better.