Father Knows Breast

Beatrice Hernandez is reaching Bonnie Ashley levels here.

I’m going to try and tell the story first and then make fun of it. Beatrice Hernandez was a stripper. As she was dancing on poles and doing other stripperly things, in walks David Dueppen. She likes him, and begins to date him. She then finds out that he’s a priest. She continues dating him, only deciding to leave him when he tries to persuade her to go to swingers clubs and bang other women.

But…the story doesn’t end there. She decides to tell the church about how David Dueppen manipulated and used her religious beliefs in a bad way. The church doesn’t like this, and settles with her out of court, quietly slipping her a heap of cash, places Dueppen on administrative leave for 13 months, and then somehow is convinced by bunches of folk that he’ll be all good again…so they put him in another church.

and of course, the story doesn’t end there either. She gets back with him in 2008, and winds up being pregnant with his little bundle of joy. She has said bundle of joy in 2009, they have a fight over child support, and he grabs her by the throat. She then decides to send him packing, not before calling the church begging them to deal with him while he’s being violent. Not surprisingly, this doesn’t go over well. So now everybody knows about the affair, and she ends up dealing with a whole zoo of people and pretty much holding a press conference.

Ok, now we can start making fun of her. Once she found out he was a priest, she felt more attracted to him because of her catholic upbringing. Whaaat? If she’d followed those beliefs, the eeeewwww-o-meter should have been going off. Catholic priests aren’t supposed to screw, remember?

She talks about how “he speaks to you and how he expresses himself so good, he can wrap you up so good, I mean really good.” By the way, nice grammar. From her description of how he tried to get her to go to swingers’ clubs, he didn’t sound very skilled. In order to excize the demons from her soul, she needed to have sex with other women? Whaaat?

Then she went to the church and said that he exploited her religious faith. I don’t buy that for a second. She went to the church to fix his wagon. She was hoping bad things would happen to him. I mean, she was having an affair with a priest. At that point, you have thrown your religious faith out the window. I’m not a religious person, but I’m a logical one. so if you believe the priests are supposed to be celibate as part of your religious faith, and this one isn’t being that, and you’re ok with that, and you’re willingly dating him, then how can he be exploiting your faith? What faith. If he convinced her to let him do things to her in a confessional to excize the demons from her soul, that would be exploiting her religious faith. But this, this isn’t. So she went to the church to seek revenge. That’s what it was.

After all this, why did she get back with him? I know, because she loved him. Hell, why did he go back with her? It was probably because he knew she was easy to manipulate, but knowing that she had no problem blabbing it all to the church, why would he risk that? That makes him about as stupid as she is.

And the final thing worthy of making fun of. When she had the baby and he was being violent, why did she call the church? Wouldn’t calling the police have been a better option?

And this woman is raising a kid. The kid will be smarter than her before too long.

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