There Are Two Sides To Every Story, But Only One Side Under His Shirt

I looked at this article and didn’t post it right away? What is wrong with me? I must fix this immediately.

After being caught 9 times for shoplifting, you’d think Mark Zachary could come up with a better defense than “I wasn’t going to steal this giant side of meat, I was only massaging it. But that was the reason he gave on the stand for why he had a bread box-sized side of meat under his shirt. He was only giving it a little rub.

First off, who massages meat? I mean, I understand giving a piece of fruit or a vegetable a little squeeze or a tap or something to see how fresh it is…but meat? And if you did massage meat, why would you do it by putting it under your shirt?

And, when you were approached by a manager, why would you try to run away. By the way, the fact that you ran right into an off-duty officer was a nice touch. After shoplifting 9 times, I’m sure you’d know what they all looked like.

I also think he needs to pick a better defense attorney. The best he could come up with was “All we’re going to ask is you pay close attention to the witnesses. Pay close attention to the evidence you’re not given.” How does one pay attention to evidence they don’t have? I know, he was trying to say that the cops had no video, but still. But I guess I can’t expect this poor guy to do very well, since his own client says he was massaging meat. It’s an uphill battle after that.

While we’re criticizing lawyers, the prosecutor can stop trying to make jokes. He’s a lawyer, not a comedian, and this is made abundantly clear by the “where’s the beef” references in his opening statement.

The jury didn’t believe Mark Zachary’s story about massaging meat, although they seemed to have some trouble making up their minds. I guess that evidence they weren’t given needed a lot of attention. But they finally decided to send him to prison for 10 years, where he can get a lot of meat-massages.

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